


Of Wishes and Dresses

by theauthor2010



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Gen, Other, Trans Character, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-18
Updated: 2011-06-15
Packaged: 2017-10-15 18:05:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 60,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/163457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theauthor2010/pseuds/theauthor2010
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mike Chang was a girl. Her body just didn't agree with this assessment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I use male pronouns at the beginning of this fic, because Mika herself has not identified as a girl yet. As soon as she accepts her gender identity, proper pronouns are used.

Mike stared at his body and then down at the red dress in his hands. Tina had worn it not long ago on one of their dates. She had been beautiful, elegant and so very feminine. Mike had long ago realized that he wasn't dating Tina for the right reasons, but still here he was, clutching her dress in his hands, thinking about how beautiful and feminine she looked in it and not wanting her but wanting to be - Mike knew the truth. He just couldn't admit it out loud - not even to himself. He could not admit the ugly truth that would change everything he knew about himself and his world.

He held the dress to his chest, his waist, imagining how he would look wearing it. "I want to be a girl," he mumbled aloud, the closest he had ever come to admitting to his gender identity. Still, he wanted to be a girl, he wasn't brave enough to say yet that he was a girl and would greatly prefer to think it terms of she, her, those forbidden female pronouns. He smoothed the fabric against his chest, the chest of a boy.

He couldn't help cry. Tears filled up his eyes and he curled into himself, hunched over slightly. "This is so fucked up." Mike had always realized that something was wrong with him. He had always identified with the feminine, the identity of being a woman and all the gender constructs around that idea. He read a lot as a kid and easily identified with the female protagonists, he felt sympathy and a complete draw towards the identity of being a girl. He had issues with his genitals, a strange regard, a hatred for them that he couldn't explain. He could not voice what he was or who he was and he hated that.

At first, he had thought he might just be gay and even used that to explain off the strangeness. He had spent a lot of time around Matt and had found the other boy unbelievably attractive. The "maybe I'm gay" revelation had been quite a relief actually, though he knew most people in his life wouldn't be okay with that. At least it made sense to be gay. He knew gay guys, like Kurt, and it was insanely normal despite being taboo in the area.

Wishing so hard to be female wasn't normal.

Mike sighed, wiping his tears. "Why does she get this and I can't have it?" Mike asked softly. He'd always had an unfortunate habit of talking to himself. “She’s the perfect girl and I just have serious problems.”

"Mike," came Tina's voice, soft, shocked.

Mike turned around to find himself face to face with his girlfriend. She was staring at him with a confused look on her face and the shock that registered in her eyes told him that she had been there the whole time. He dropped the dress to the floor, looked down at his body and then back up at the girl. “Tina,” he whispered, shaking his head a little bit. This was not happening. His issues were not going to come to light right now, not in front of the girlfriend that he loved and adored.

“Mike, did you just hold up my dress and say ‘I want to be a girl?’”

Mike turned to face Tina and could see that she didn’t understand much better than he did. “How long have you been standing in the door there?” he asked, shaking his head a little bit and trying not to think about what this was going to lead into. She was going to break up with him, totally denounce him as a freak and probably get scared and tell the rest of the people close to him.

“Awhile,” Tina said softly.

She slowly walked around him and sat down on her bed. She looked up at him with a look that mingled confusion, concern, fear and worry all at once. She gestured with her head, tilting it slightly and patting the bed next to her. Mike slowly walked toward the bed and sat down, looking Tina in the eye for only a second before a red hot blush started to heat up his cheeks.

“Talk,” she said quietly.

“What am I supposed to talk about?” Mike asked, panicking as the discomfort and realization that Tina knew really sunk in. “You heard pretty much the whole story Tina. I…I wish that I was a girl, sometimes, all the time. It’s something that I’ve learned to keep shut about for a really long time now and I’m really sorry you had to see and hear that.”

Tina frowned and did not respond. He looked into her eyes and could see nothing that indicated emotion. She was blank and he didn’t blame her. Tina was trying to figure herself out, how she felt about the horrible bombshell that he had dropped on her. Guilt overtook every other emotion he felt. Mike could feel the tears that he was trying to fight, battling to make their way up to the surface. He willed himself not to cry, because it would make this so much worse.

“Mike, you were holding up one of my dresses and crying because you wanted to be a girl.”

Her words were stating the very obvious, but they made it impossible to hold those tears in. Mike shut his eyes but they slipped right past the barriers he had put up. It was true. He was a pathetic person, a guy unsatisfied with his body, his life and the identity that had been thrust upon him the second that he was born. What kind of boy was that dissatisfied with who he was?

He opened his mouth to tell her that he didn’t know what to say to her, but instead a confession came pouring out of him.

“I don’t know what to tell you that you haven’t already heard, exactly. I mean, I’ve always wanted to be a girl. I’ve always identified with girls. It’s been easy enough to keep quiet though, since nobody talks to the awkward Asian guy. I don’t really feel like a boy and never have. I mean, I never wore dresses or anything – Hell, I remember trying when I was really little and freaking my mother out so bad. I just don’t really know what my problem is. I…there’s nothing I can do about it, so it was a lot better than nobody knew. At first I thought I was gay, because I was attracted to some guys, but not all guys, and I really like girls too. I mean, I like you, so it’s not a gay thing. It’s just been bugging me a lot more since you and I started dating.”

He stopped for one second, but that one second was long enough for Tina to speak up. “Why since we started dating?” she asked.

It was all on the table so Mike figured he may as well tell her what he was feeling. “You’re kind of the perfect girl,” he muttered low. “I mean, I never really spent much time around girls before high school, except my own family members. You’re a girl who comes from an Asian family, is gracious and beautiful, comfortable in her own skin and who reinvents herself and her identity all the time without being fake or dishonest to who you are. I admire you so much Tina. I…I want to be you. If I was the girl you are…”

Tina shook her head at him. “Mike, I just don’t get this…” she said, shaking her head from side to side, her hair falling into her face. He instinctively reached over and brushed it out of her eyes. She looked confused, so confused. “I mean, you’re a guy and it’s not like you’re a girly boy or anything like that. You've always been pretty male."

Mike nodded at the assessment. It was true. He had never done anything to outwardly show his inner-girl, except for moment’s like the one that Tina had unfortunately stumbled upon, when he was in private. It wasn’t that Mike was a self-loathing person, either. He didn’t like certain parts of his body, the lack of breasts, the penis, but – he liked what he could do with his body. He liked that he was a good dancer, skilled, talented and well liked but at the same time he wasn’t one of the graceful female dancers he spent time with. He wasn’t his ideal.

Also, his parents would kill him if he ever let his inner-girl come out. His father had given him a very hard time when glee finally gave him the courage to dance in public. Dancing was something that girls did, simply put. His parents expectations as far as their young son was exactly why Mike had joined football, kept up a masculine physical appearance through working out a lot and such.

Tina shook her head again and again, like she was trying to erase what he was telling her. “Mike, do you love me?” she asked. “I mean, if you’re…a girl, do you love me?”

Mike looked up. Her question almost went straight over his head, in favor of her other statement. She had identified Mike as a girl. It was overpowering, hearing someone call him a girl. He was not expecting that. “Tina, I…” he said, his mouth closing as soon as he had opened it. Could he be a girl, even though he had those things he hated? Could he be a female even though his birth certificate said that he was male? Could Mike Chang be more than a boy who wished he was a girl?

“It’s a simple question Mike. Do you love me like you said you did?”

Mike stopped his rapid fire thoughts, forcefully and thought about her question. Did he love her? Yes. Oh god yes. When he had told Tina he loved her, while making out on the couch in her living room last week, he had meant it. He loved her. He liked kissing her, he liked being close to her. Was it sexual? He wasn’t sure. It could have been, if sexual things weren’t so freaking scary to him.

“I do love you Tina,” he said insistently. “I love you so much. You’re so sweet and I was so happy when we…you know, got together. I just…”

She looked down at her hands and then reached over and took one of his in hers, scooting closer. “You’re just a girl.”

There it was again. Tina called him a girl. His heart leapt up into his throat.

“Do you think I’m a…” he asked, but he found that it was still hard to say.

Tina looked up at him, her eyes full of tears. “I mean, yeah. Yes. I studied transgender issues last year for a project, went through some online forums and met a transman in California through one of them. I really got interested in learning more. I think that if you’re feeling like a girl Mike then you must be…”

She looked at him, her eyebrows narrowed as if she was confused. “I can’t say I’m not confused,” she admitted. “I’ve always known you as the boy that I love, the boy that I was so…so very sexually attracted to. Is this why you freaked out every time we got – close to being intimate?”

Mike nodded slowly. It wasn’t that Tina wasn’t gorgeous, but sex made him so unconfident himself. He didn’t like his body. He didn’t like that the sexual responses he had were so very male.

Tina sighed. “I thought I was the only girl in the world with a boyfriend who didn’t want sex,” she said, and he realized she was crying too, real tears. He had made Tina cry. He felt guilt start to choke him up, but tried to ignore it. “Little did I know he was my girlfriend. Oh my god this is like some kind of joke.”

Mike started crying. He didn’t know why but he started crying. Tina was angry at him for not being who she expected, but Tina was acknowledging him as a girl. He was a girl. He closed his eyes and just sighed with relief that someone had said it.

He was a girl.

She was a girl.

Tina looked at Mike and there was a moment of consideration in her pretty eyes. She had always loved Tina’s eyes and the deep, soulful expressions in them. “Mike, you know that you are a girl right?” she asked. “I mean, I don’t like this. I don’t like the feeling that I’m losing my boyfriend but if you feel this way, it’s not because you’re some freaky girl-boy hybrid or a boy who wants to be a girl. You are a girl.”

She was a girl. It was a revelation that brought her to tears. She sobbed, holding Tina close to her.


	2. Chapter 2

Mike sat in between her parents the next evening, eating dinner and barely saying a word. It was surprisingly easy to begin to identify as a girl, Tina’s words having given her a strange amount of courage and an identity that she never thought she could have. It broke her heart however, looking from in between them at her mother and father, to muse about how they would react if they knew that the son sitting between them and picking at her food was in reality their daughter.

She imagined just saying it, that very moment. She imagined how it would feel to just look at them and say right then and there, “Mom, Dad, I’m a girl.”

She knew that they would never react positively to that news. It still stung her to remember how violently they had reacted to the idea of her playing Frank in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. “No son of mine is going to play a tranny,” her father had said, crossing his arms and positively glaring at her. When Mike had gone to her mother for help with the issue, insisting that it was just a role for glee and that taking the lead meant so much for her confidence, her mother had quickly agreed with her father.

“No means no, Mike,” she had said, firmly. “That role is positively amoral, disgusting and goes against everything we have ever taught you.”

It wasn’t just the play either. Mike knew that her parents were super traditional and were not going to support her in this transition. She played out various scenarios while she ate, ways that she could tell them, but they all ended in the same emotions – disgrace, anger, even absolute fury. There was no getting around the fact that her parents were never going to accept having a daughter who was biologically male.

These were, after all, the same people who objected to her being in a high school show choir because of the gay stereotypes associated with it, scoffed at anything, even something they saw on the news, that didn’t fit into their limited view of the world, and isolated their daughter beyond belief from anything that didn’t fit into their Chinese-American lifestyle. The only reason they had even let their “son” start dating, is because “he” finally chose a nice Asian girl, and they still had objections about Tina, based on her unorthodox lifestyle.

“Mike, are you alright?”

She looked up at her father’s voice and shook her head, an instant reaction. No, she was not alright and she probably would never be alright again.

“No, dad,” she said quickly. “I feel a little bit nauseous. Maybe I ate something bad earlier today. May I – uh may I be excused to my room?”

The moment her father nodded, Mike rushed to the bedroom. The moment she had her door closed behind her, she threw herself face down on the bed. It was a little dramatic but just playing out every scenario in which she told her parents the truth was enough to make her sick to her stomach. They were never going to accept her for who she was. Tears came fast, falling without her permission. She was so sick of crying, something that she had done too much of lately. She clutched the blanket underneath her, holding tightly in her fists to suppress the anger that she felt. She was a girl. Tina had given her courage to call herself a girl and just the words made her more comfortable than ever but who she was as a girl was never going to be accepted by the people who mattered most to her – her own parents. She was never going to be a girl in their eyes and that was a crippling thought.

She inhaled deeply to try and keep herself from outright sobbing but it wasn’t happening – the sob tore loose, tears falling freely, no longer controlled. She was going to lose everything because of the new identity that made her feel so safe and right in her own skin. She was trans. She was a girl. She was a girl but being a girl was going to take away everything that had been good about boy!Mike’s life, wasn’t it? Her family relationships would be the first thing to go the moment that anyone learned that Mike Chang was a girl.

She heard the doorbell ring but did not think of it much, until she heard her mother’s voice yell for her. “Mike!” the woman called. “Tina’s downstairs with some school things for you. Do you feel well enough to come down?”

She definitely felt well enough to talk to Tina. She needed to talk to Tina. She quickly wiped her eyes, trying to hide any sign that she had been crying and hurried down the stairs.

Tina waved lightly. She was standing in the door, looking awkward, as she usually did when she was around Mike’s parents. “Hi Mike,” she said. “You forgot a few things at my house the other day. I was wondering maybe if we could go discuss them really quickly.”

Mike nodded. “Yeah come in,” she said. “Let’s go to the den.”

They hurried into the den before her parents could say anything. Mike’s parents did not allow Mike and Tina to be alone together, unless it was in the den, where they could see everything that was going on. Mike hurriedly brought Tina downstairs and sat down on the sofa there. Mike kept trying to avert her eyes but Tina could tell that she was not okay. “Are you…alright?” she asked skeptically.

Mike shook her head. “I just had a rough night. I started thinking about how they would react to this, to me, and every idea that I had was…not good.”

Tina nodded a little and handed Mike a folder filled with printed out papers. “I did a lot of research,” she said. “This is every bit of useful transgender and genderqueer related information that I could find online. I ordered books too. They’re coming. Nothing was available in Lima, of course, so I had to order online.”

Mike, who was completely overwhelmed by emotion, hugged Tina tightly. She was an angel really, to do all of this for him, even though it spelled disaster for their relationship, a relationship that had been based in lies and in Mike’s doubt of his true identity. “Thank you, thank you Tina,” she said, leaning into the girl’s shoulder and breathing deeply. “I never was able to say that I was…I was a girl, until you said it, but now I’m so scared of my parents. They’re going to hate me. They’re never, ever going to see me the same or want me as part of their life again.”

“Do you feel more like yourself?” Tina asked, patting her back.

Mike nodded. “More than ever,” she said, “more than ever, I really feel like I’m supposed to, but to be me, it’s going to mean sacrificing anything.”

“We’ll be okay, Mikey,” Tina said comfortingly, her voice sad and strained. Her voice became even more strained when she added, “I know that we need to take a break romantically, while you figure yourself and your life out, but I just want you to know that boy or girl, I love you. Maybe it’s not a romantic love, I don’t know, but I really love you and you’re always going to have me one way or another. I just…I love you Mike.”

“I love you too, Tina,” she said softly. She hugged Tina as tightly as she could. She was so sorry that her confession and discovery of her identity was changing so much about Tina and who she was going to be, but she was so thankful that she didn’t have to go this alone. “This is terrifying,” she admitted. “But I am so lucky that I have you in my life Tina.”

Tina smiled. “You know, Mike,” she said softly. “I was up late last night and I was thinking about – well, I had a really good idea.”

“What?” she asked curiously.

“Well, eventually you’re going to have to outwardly accept your identity. I don’t want to hurry it along, or make you uncomfortable, but I was thinking – you and I should have a sleepover this weekend, in private. We can just experiment a little, with what feels comfortable for you. I know that in Lima, you have to be careful about public, but why not start with some private…being a girl?”

Mike nodded. “I would…really like that.”

Tina was the only one she trusted in this way.


	3. Chapter 3

“I’m glad you’re here,” Tina said, taking Mike by the hand and pulling her inside of the house. Mike was a little bit nervous, honestly. “Mike,” she said quietly, her voice a low whisper. “I have to admit that I did something that might make you mad at me.”

Mike was confused. Tina had been her savior lately. How could Tina do anything that would possibly make her mad? “What, Tina?” she asked.

“I told my parents,” she whispered, guilt evident in her pretty eyes. “Mike, I am so sorry. My mom came upon some of the research that I was doing and I admitted to her that a friend of mine was dealing with some gender identity issues. We got talking and I just admitted to her how worried I was about your parents and how they would react. My parents are really; really supportive people and they want to help you too. I just…I am so sorry Mike.”

Mike was a little angry, of course. This was her greatest secret and not Tina’s to tell, as much as Tina was a part of it. She frowned, thinking about how much that bothered her, but her thoughts were quickly interrupted by the appearance of Tina’s mother Mari Cohen-Chang.

“Hi Mike,” she said softly. “How are you doing today?”

She was obviously skirting around the issue, being very pleasant and Mike frowned. “Tina told me that you know,” she mumbled.

The woman looked to Tina and then nodded slowly. “Please don’t be angry with Tina,” she said softly. “Tina and I talk about just about everything and it sort of slipped out. I just, my husband and I want you to know Mike, that if your parents don’t treat you with the love and acceptance that you deserve than Daniel and I will be there for you, always. If you ever need a safe place to stay or anything like that, your safe place can definitely be here, with us.”

Mike was a little floored. “Thank you, so much,” she mumbled.“You’re…you’re okay with this?”

The woman looked at Tina again and then reached over and hugged Mike. “Of course I am,” she said. “You’ve been a wonderful part of our lives and your gender does not matter to us. I really hope that you find what you need, and you’ll always be family here. Now have a good night, okay? I’ll bring you guys some popcorn or something later.”

Mike had never been more grateful for an adult in her life.

“Thank you,” Mike said, a little bit shakily.

Tina took Mike upstairs and into her bedroom. “Settle in,” she said brightly, sitting at the end of her bed. Mike sat next to her, stiff and nervous. It seemed so weird, trying to have a sleepover with his girlfriend-turned-mentor and best friend, trying to really identify as the girl that she was. Tina then bounced up pretty suddenly. “Mike, I have an idea,” she said softly. “You don’t have to agree with it, but…why don’t we try a little makeup?”

Mike was quiet for a moment, so Tina kept talking. “I mean, I know that it’s stereotypical to say that girls like makeup, but you’ve lived seventeen years as a boy and I know firsthand that a small outward makeover can help you establish your own identity and really feel like who you’re supposed to be.”

Mike was surprised by the suggestion, a little nervous, but nodded, so Tina went to the desk and pulled out a black box. She put the box on her bed and then scooted up on her knees close to Mike. She opened the box. The middle had various tubes of lipstick and circular containers of makeup, while the sides held small brushes. She picked up one of the medium sized blushes and opened a round container of eyeshadow.

“Close your eyes.”

Mike shut her eyes obediently, while Tina started brushing something over them. It was light and felt powdery. Tina used one hand on Mike’s cheek to steady herself. She did not open them when she stopped, feeling her use a brush on her cheeks. “Mike, you can open your eyes now, until I do the liner, ok?”

Mike opened her eyes while Tina worked with her makeup. It seemed to take quite a lot of effort to put the makeup on, a lot more than Mike had thought it would when she fantasized about it.

Tina finished by putting some lipstick on her lips.

“There. Check it out in the mirror.”

Mike got up and looked into the vanity mirror on the other side of the room. She gasped. Tina had done her makeup in very light colors, soft tones, but still, she had never felt such a change. The slight pink of the blush on her cheeks, to the peach eyeshadow; it all just made her feel like the girl that she was. Her heart skipped a beat, or three, when she looked right into the mirror and saw more than a boy in makeup. She saw a girl.

“Tina, this is awesome,” she mumbled, not sure what else she could say. Looking at herself in the mirror, she even saw beyond the boy’s body wearing makeup. She could see the image of herself that existed in her head. It was beautiful, and even though Tina had been the source of her envy and what she desired to be as a girl, the girl in the mirror looked nothing like Tina. She looked like herself. Mike…or…someone like that. “This makes everything feel so much better,” she told Tina, seriously. “I mean, I have never felt so…comfortable.”

Tina’s smile lit up the room when their eyes met. “Good,” she said brightly. “You should feel that way Mike. You need to start embracing the feminine, the female things about yourself. You should never become a walking stereotype, no girl ever should, but you should take the feminine things that you want – and take them.”

Mike nodded slowly. “I want clothes,” she mumbled. “Girl clothes.”

Tina nodded. “We have got to go into one of the big cities and go massively shopping really soon,” she said, hand on Mike’s shoulder. “I want to make you feel pretty, Mike Chang. Speaking of which, have you thought of a…preferred name? I know if you ID as female then me calling you Mike is pretty…it’s probably not the most comfortable thing, right?”

“It’s not comfortable.”

That was probably an understatement. She hated being called Mike. It was such a firmly male name, a name without even the slightest bit of gender ambiguity. It was a name that when she said aloud, with her deep and firm masculine voice, sounded like it may as well have belonged to a stranger. She used it for lack of anything else to use, and lack of openness about her identity, but of course she didn’t like it.

“I do have a name in mind,” she said softly, looking at Tina. Though this was the start of her understanding of herself as transgendered, she had always had her fantasies. When she was a little child, pretending that she was a girl, playing make believe, her name had always been Mika, named after one of her close friends, before her parents moved to Lima.

"What is it?" Tina asked eagerly.

"Mika," she responded softly. “It’s not that far of a stretch from my birth name and it just…feels right. It comes from a place that I’ve kind of always known was there. Does that sound right to you?”

Tina smiled brightly. “It sounds beautiful. Say it. My name is Mika.”

Mike – no Mika – smiled, brightly. “My name is Mika Chang and I’m a girl, a girl who has never felt so right.”

“Mika. That is a perfect name.”

Tina’s eyes were full of adoration and pride. Mika had never felt so proud of herself. She could not contain the urge to huge Tina in much longer. Finally, she gave in and reached over and hugged the other girl hard.

“Thank you Tina,” she said softly. “You’re amazing, do you know that?”

“So are you, Mika.”

Everything just felt right.


	4. Chapter 4

The school bell rang and Mika had never been so pleased. She had found that ever since she came out as transgendered both to Tina and to herself, it was harder and harder to walk around school pretending to be a boy. She knew that the secret was going to have to come out soon, if she wanted to preserve her sanity.

She was relieved that school was over and she was also more than a little excited to go shopping with Tina. They planned to meet up at Tina’s locker and then walk to Tina’s house, where they could get the car and go shopping.

Tina had admitted that finding clothes would be difficult, told her about a few transgender specific shops online and heavily implied that Mika had a birthday coming up. Tina was really an angel and she would never forget that.

To be honest, nothing excited her more than getting dressed in the right clothing, outwardly identifying as a female in the same way she did inside. It was a big step and it was a step that she had to take soon, or else she was afraid she was going to go back into the shell of a boy that she was used to. She found Tina quickly. The girl stood by her locker and smiled when she saw Mika standing there. “Hey,” she said softly. “You ready to go?”

They walked to Tina’s house pretty quickly, fueled by the excitement they both had. “You know,” Tina said, as they walked, “whatever we find while shopping, I can alter for you. I’m pretty good at it. Not as good as Kurt used to be, with our costumes and stuff, but a lot of my clothes have the Tina touch.”

“You’re too good to me Tina…”

Tina shook her head and rolled her eyes. “You think that all those times I said that I love you, that I was lying or something?” she asked. Mika could detect some sadness in her voice for a second, but it was quickly masked over by something else.

“I love you too,” she said honestly.

When they got to Tina’s house, which wasn’t far from the school, they headed inside to find Tina’s mother. She smiled at them and waved. She had been sweeping the kitchen, but immediately put down the broom when she saw them. “Hi mom,” Tina said, leaning over and hugging her mother. Mika always enjoyed the chemistry between Tina and her parents. She had never had such a thing with her own parents and well, it was kind of nice to see.

“How was school?” the woman asked, wiping her forehead.

“It was…okay,” Tina said. “I’m really looking forward to going shopping.”

“Oh yes, that’s today, isn’t it?” Mari asked. “Be careful with the car, girls. Make sure you text me as soon as you get to the mall.”

“Trust me, we will.”

Mika couldn’t help stand there and stare a little. Adults in her life had never been that fluid and accepting of things. Tina’s mom just went with it, called her a girl, and made everything so easy. It made her understand completely how Tina had turned up the way she was. She was an angel because she was born from this woman.

Tina’s mom slipped something to Tina. Mika barely caught her whisper, “You might need a couple extra dollars.”

Tina smiled. “Thank you, Mom.”

Mika was kind of left staring, when Tina went to get the car keys and looked back at her, setting down her book bag. “Put that backpack down and let’s go,” she said laughing. Mika tried laughing too and quickly went along with her. She was just so overwhelmed.

They headed out to the car and Mika slipped into the passenger seat, pulling on her seatbelt. “Your mom is freaking amazing,” she said softly. She was still just so overwhelmed she couldn’t think straight. All this stuff was going on in her head and Tina and her family were just being amazing.

Tina started the car. “I agree.”

Mika shook her head. “No, I mean- I always thought she was, but she’s accepted this without blinking an eye. Do you know how rare that is? Especially here of all places?”

Tina turned to look at her quickly and then looked back to the road, nodding. “I know it,” she said. “I learned pretty young that my family was the rare exception to some of the horrible, backwards things that I’ve seen. I’m a lucky girl – and since you’re already a Chang, you might as well be my sister, and damned lucky too.”

Mika swallowed. “Sister, huh?”

“Yep,” Tina said, turning on the radio. “Now let’s get ourselves to the mall.”

Mika had always enjoyed the mall, even when she was masquerading as a boy. It was a small mall, but it had every store that a person could need and it usually wasn’t busy except maybe on Saturdays. Mika and Tina walked in and Tina looked around, contemplating their next destination. “I’m thinking Sally’s Boutique first,” she said. “We may not be able to find you a lot of clothes but accessories are everything. People think I own a lot more clothes than I do for that very reason.”

Mika nodded and followed Tina inside. She was trusting Tina on this, on everything in their little excursion.

Sally’s was a tiny little shop with walls of jewelry, scarves, hats and other little items. Mika walked around, not even sure where to start. She was also a little afraid to pick up something or look at something, because this shop was so obviously targeted to girls and women. No, she was a girl. Mika swallowed down all of those worries, because they forced her to call herself a boy. She quickly began to look at a line of silver necklaces, just trying to look like she belonged there.

She was nervous. Tina, on the other hand, was right in her element. Mika had always admired the way that the girl created appearance. Tina immediately picked up a red and black scarf with lacy trimmings and wrapped it around Mika’s neck. “This would be hot,” she said, brightly, her eyes absolutely shining.

Mika was mortified but tried not to let it show. “T-Tina don’t,” she mumbled.

Tina looked up, realized she had caused Mika to panic and then moved to take the scarf off, but stopped. “It’s really pretty,” she whispered. “Red is really your color, I can tell. Also purple. We’re going to have to see if we can find some purple.”

Mika realized that even though people might stare, she had to be unafraid. She was a girl. She walked over to a tiny mirror next to a rack of sunglasses. “Hey, that looks pretty nice,” she said.

Tina nodded, satisfied.

“We’re so getting this,” she said as she went back over to the jewelry and started examining some different bracelets. “C’mon Mika. You need to be a little bit more…you need to make these choices. It’ll feel good, I think.”

Mika knew that Tina was right. She had to be a little fearless, to make these choices. She looked through the bracelets that Tina was looking through and found a black laced bracelet that was really pretty. “You and I share a bit of style, don’t we?” Tina asked, smirking. She seemed very happy and Mika, well Mika always wanted Tina to be happy.

“I think we do,” she said.

It didn’t take long for Tina and Mika to go through so many various belts and scarves and bracelets and necklaces. They spent a fair amount of money before they went to the alternative clothing shop next door. It boasted plus sizes, so maybe Mika and Tina could find something she could wear – who knew?

Tina smirked some. “This is actually my favorite place to shop,” she said. “Since we’re like brain twins.”

Mika browsed and as she did, she could not help imagine herself in each of the items she momentarily picked up and smiled at. It was just so nice, browsing around shops, looking at clothing that was decidedly female and knowing that she was going to be dressing female soon. She was so caught up in her searching, and then she found it.

It was a simple, yet gorgeous red dress with long sleeves and a deep v-neck cut. A simple belt of the same color adorned the middle. Mika stared and she could picture it. It was perfect. In fact, it reminded her of something that she had seen before.

“I wore nearly the same dress after Sectionals, when Mercedes and I performed,” Tina said, coming up from behind her. “It is gorgeous.” She leaned over and checked the price tag. “Not too bad.” She looked over at Mika. “Earth to pretty girl, come in Mika. You know, if we bought it in an extra-extra large, I could alter it to fit for your birthday, as part of my big present that you don’t know is coming.”

Mika gaped. “Would you?”

Tina nodded slowly. “This is going to be a birthday you won’t forget, Miss Chang.”


	5. Chapter 5

Coming out to someone other than Tina and her family seemed like the most terrifying thing in the world, but Tina had given him a good idea. She had invited Kurt, on his weekend away from Westerville, to come over for a little while. She had also convinced Mika that coming out to Kurt would be an easy “practice run,” because Kurt was gay and had experienced social isolation and bullying to the worst degree. Mika filled in the blanks that Tina wanted someone who could be there for her when it got bad, but still it was a good idea. Though a gay man was not that much less likely to be transphobic than a straight man (yes, Mika had been reading through the information that Tina gave her), Kurt was a very wonderful person and had been through a lot, so she had agreed.

She had stopped halfway to Tina’s at a fast food place, used the restroom and changed into one of the shirts that she and Tina had bought the other day at the mall, as well as the red scarf, which she wrapped around her neck in the way Tina had showed her. It was a big step, especially because she could be seen, but she wanted to come out to Kurt as a girl, while feeling a little more like, well a real girl.

She got to Tina’s house after way too much stalling and knocked on the door. Tina’s father answered. Daniel was as every bit as cheerful and accepting as his wife. “Mike – no, it’s Mika now right?” he asked. Tina got a lot of her good looks from her father, who had the same eyes she did. He let Mika in and was still all smiles, his smile reaching those eyes.

“Yes it is,” she said. “Thank you so much.”

“I really like the name,” he said, as they walked inside. “What made you choose it?”

“It was a name of one of my old female friends, when I was really young,” she said. “I always liked it and it wasn’t that far of a stretch and stuff. It felt right.”

“That’s very awesome. Well, Tina and Kurt are in the front room. Go on down, I’m sure they’re both eager to see you.”

Mika hurried into the room to hear Kurt, mid-rant. “It’s horrible Tina!” he yelled, dramatically. “I mean seriously, I don’t know how those guys do it – and they’re all fashion disasters the moment that you get them out of the Dalton uniform. Blaine even told me that it felt safe, always wearing the uniform. Safe! More like boring as hell…I swear Tina, I mean…I love it, but sometimes I wish that I could come back to McKinley with you guys, slushies and all.”

Mika felt bad for Kurt. He had been driven out of McKinley by terrible bullying, bullying that an out transperson would have to deal with twice as badly. To say that Kurt’s situation scared her was the understatement of the year.

Kurt looked up and noticed her. “Mike…hey,” he said, his voice somewhat trailing off. “Um, interesting fashion statement you’ve got going there.”

Tina looked awkward and Mika walked into the front room, taking the chair across from the couch Tina and Kurt were sharing. Heat flushed her face red and she looked over at Kurt with an embarrassment that was hard to handle. It was kind of now or never, especially when Kurt had insulted her fashion choices. The choices were weird for a boy maybe, but perfect for a girl just learning how to dress in a feminine manner.

“Actually,” Mika mumbled low. “It’s Mika now. I…I’m a girl Kurt.”

Kurt just stared at her. Mika swallowed and nerves threatened to bubble up in her chest and make her cry out. Oh god. She was getting scared. If Kurt didn’t accept the fact that she was a girl than Tina and her parents were just mutated freaks and the rest of the world wasn’t going to accept her for who she was ever. She waited, staring at Kurt, tears welling up in her eyes, waiting for the moment when she would have to defend herself against the accusations of being a freak, messed up, misguided.

“Kurt,” she mumbled. “I…I didn’t mean to spring it on like that but…I wanted to tell someone and…”

“You’re trans?” Kurt asked softly. “No…um, I … Mike, I just didn’t expect that one to come on so quickly. Give me a second.”

Mika was trying to stay calm. Tina shot her a comforting glance and she swallowed. It was a surprising thing to spring on Kurt so fast.  
“I am so sorry for that comment I made,” Kurt finally spat out. “I’m totally insensitive at best sometimes, oh my god. I just…I never had a clue. I don’t…really understand.”

Mika was calm and tried to speak, despite the fact that she was ready to close up and freak out. “What don’t you understand Kurt?” she asked.

“I mean,” Kurt said swallowing, “you’ve always just been such a classic normal straight boy. I mean, I had more of a girl side than you ever showed. It’s just I would have never expected, but that’s great that you’re coming out and everything, really great.”

Mika looked at Tina and then back to Kurt, nodding. “That means I hid it pretty well,” she mumbled. “I was always pretty jealous of you Kurt, Mr. Honorary Girl. I always got so pissed off when Mr. Schuester wouldn’t let you group with the girls and stuff, knowing that deep down I was the one who wanted to be considered a girl, but nobody would bat an eye at me as I walked off with the guys, you know?”

“Are you out?” Kurt asked, hesitantly.

“Only to Tina and her parents,” she said softly. “I…uh…Tina and her parents have been angels really, getting me through this. Tina is my hero. She…she made me come out to myself, essentially. I don’t think that I would have ever said, ‘I’m a girl,’ if not for Tina. She is my hero.”  
Tina blushed and Kurt turned to look at Tina. “I can see that,” he said, smiling. He seemed slowly growing into acceptance of the situation and for that, Mika sunk down in her chair relieved. She was sure that Kurt not accepting her would have killed her, just because of the fact that Kurt was most likely to accept her for who she truly was. “Are you weirded out Kurt?” she finally asked.

Kurt shook his head almost instantly. “No, no,” he said, waving his hand. “I was just really shocked at first because I never suspected anything at all like that. I…I am really glad that you’re being open about yourself Mike.”

“Mika,” she corrected softly.

“Mika,” Kurt repeated. “I mean, seriously, I’m the first person to want someone to be open and honest about their identity. I’m not that well versed in transgender issues but I’m definitely going to try and learn some more now.”

Mika smiled at that. “Thanks Kurt.”

“I definitely know what it’s like to be isolated and a little bit afraid,” Kurt admitted, looking at Mika seriously. “I mean…I can’t even imagine the extent to which you’ve dealt with it, but I have too and…yeah.”

Mika nodded. “I just don’t feel comfortable in my own skin,” she admitted quietly. “Every day at school, especially now that Tina and her parents know, it just drives me crazy. I want to come out and tell the whole world that I’m a girl, but I am also terrified of what’s going to happen to me if and when I do.”

Kurt looked concerned. For a moment Mika could see the absolute terror cross his face as he looked over her shoulder at Tina. He swallowed. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “It’s a dilemma, and I’m not sure I know the answer to that.”

Kurt broke the awkwardness moments later, after having a silent conversation with Tina about something. “So, Mika,” he said quietly. “Did Tina help you pick out your clothes?”

Mika nodded. “We have similar style.”

Kurt smiled. “I am getting excited,” he said mischievously. “I have another girl to play dress up with. I can help alter your clothes and stuff. We’re going to make you the most gorgeous girl ever. Seriously, people are going to be drooling when they see you walk down the street."

Mika swallowed. “Really?”

Kurt nodded. “Every single girl friend of mine has received the Kurt Hummel signature makeover,” he said with a laugh. “Even Rachel, though I have to admit that was completely vindictive and a little bit evil. You, I will make look like a star, with Tina’s help. I think that's gotta be the big plan."

Tina broke into a very large smile. “I want you to look at the dress I’m altering before you go,” she mentioned quickly.

“Oh we got a dress?” Kurt asked.

“It’s gorgeous,” Tina said seriously. “I have to show you a few other secret things too.”

“Ooh.”

Mika smiled a little. “I really am starting to feel more like me you know?” she said honestly. “It’s really hard though. I want to be in the right clothes, with the right look, and maybe the rest will fall together.”

Kurt made a small sound and nodded. “Hey, Mika, do you wanna come up to Westerville maybe? I know that there’s a wig shop near Dalton. and maybe we could do some real awesome shopping this weekend and get ready for your birthday…it’s next Wednesday right?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Yeah I’d like that.”

Kurt smiled and looked Mika over. “For hairstyle, I see something shorter. Shoulder lengthed or less, sexy,” he said with a smirk.

Mika may or may not have wanted to kiss Kurt right then, she was so thankful for his humor and grace and absolute style.

Tina grabbed Kurt’s hand. “Mika I’m gonna go show Kurt a few things. Be right back.”

They left for awhile and when they returned, they spent the rest of the evening hanging. They ordered in and watched movies and Mika, the girl, felt like she was really starting to enjoy these normal nights with people who cared and knew .


	6. Chapter 6

It was the first time that Mika had ever gone out in public dressed like a girl. She knew that she could not walk around in Lima that way without being recognized, but she was going to meet Kurt halfway between Lima and Westerville, where nobody knew who Mike Chang was. It was empowering, driving to Westerville in her Dad’s car, wearing a skirt, blouse and dress with jewelry. Sure, she had changed at a rest stop, but she was a woman and she was going shopping with Kurt. It was a wonderful feeling and nothing could make it any better.

Kurt had said that the Oakdale shopping center was a pretty big teen hangout and a lot of kids from his school went there. It was bright, with a lot of lights and shops, as well as an outdoor eating area in the center. She found Kurt’s car right away. The boy waved. “Wow,” Kurt said instantly, the moment they looked at each other. “Mika, you look amazing.”

She blushed. Even if Kurt was just saying that, it meant a lot because of the way she was dressed. It felt so good that she didn’t care if she was the ugliest girl in the planet. She felt beautiful. “Thanks,” she said.

Kurt smiled. “I’m glad you came. Mary’s Wig Shop is here and I figured we could go there first then go to all the other places.”

She nodded, mumbling, “Okay.”

Kurt pulled her by the hand and straight into the wig shop. She looked around and was a little surprised. When Mika thought of wigs, she thought of old ladies wearing hairpieces with oddly colored purplish hair. All of the wigs that he had seen or thought of had been so fake. The hairpieces and wigs here were most definitely not. They looked real, in fact, some of them boasted being real. Weird.

“I never thought wigs looked so real,” Mika mumbled.

Kurt nodded. “This shop is good, and reasonably priced,” he said. “I did my research for you.”

“Thank you Kurt,” she said. “Seriously, whenever I thought of wigs I always thought of my grandmother on my dad’s side.”

“Scary?”

“Imagine an elderly Chinese woman with an odd color of purple hair,” she said, nodding. “That was one of the many traumas of my early childhood.”

She started looking through the selections of different style wigs, wondering if a wig would still look silly and unnatural on her. She had to admit that even as she was embracing the fact that she was a girl, the idea of looking like a boy desperately pretending to be a girl was just as terrifying. She didn’t want to be called out for faking it, for wanting to be a girl. She had spent enough time accusing herself of the same thing and she wasn’t sure she could handle other people telling her that she was faking it.

“You need something hot,” Kurt said, as he looked as well. “Something totally sexy and confident.”

“I’m not sexy or confident,” Mika pointed out, but part of her agreed completely. She wasn’t sexy or confident as a boy, because she hated her body and hated who she was but she could be those things as a girl.

“How about this?” Kurt asked, ignoring her.

Mika approached as Kurt gestured to a short, styled black wig with some light colored highlights. “It’s really cute,” Kurt pointed out, “and a definite confidence booster.”

“Your friend is right honey,” came a voice from her left and Mika turned to see an woman in her late twenties or early thirties, who had her arms crossed and was smiling at them both. “If you want sassy, sexy and fun, that’s definitely a nice style. Also, not that high priced, considering you guys look so young.”

Mika retreated next to Kurt, out of nerves. Sure, this woman seemed friendly enough and was trying to help and make a sale, but Mika was nervous about anyone seeing her “intent” of being a girl as anything but genuine. She was worried about people condemning her as the boy who dressed up in girl’s clothes. As much as she wanted to slip into the role of Mika and forget that she was biologically male, anyone who looked at her could see that she wasn’t a natural female.

This woman didn’t seem to care though. “Here, c’mon with me, lemme help you try it out,” she said, taking Mika by the arm and leading her away from Kurt and her safety. Kurt shrugged nervously.

Mika did not have much time to be nervous.

By the time the woman had her fitted and tried the wig on, she felt so amazing that she could not contain herself. She looked in the mirror and almost started crying, forgetting she was in a public place. Certainly, there were things she disliked when she looked into the mirror. She hated that her jawbone was too defined, that even underneath the covering she could see the distinctive outline of an adam’s apple and she hated the fact that she even had to hide so much – but it looked amazing.

The hair was layered in, framing her face in a feminine manner. She looked good in the clothes she had picked out and above everything, she felt like a girl. She paid the shop owner before she even returned to Kurt.

When she returned to Kurt, he was completely floored. “That is freaking beautiful!” he yelled out, making Mika blush. “You look perfect, absolutely perfect.”

Despite all of the flaws she had, she felt perfect.

Kurt took her by the arm and led her outside. “Let’s go get something to eat,” he said quickly. “I’m seriously hungry.”

She held her head high as they walked around, searching for a place to eat. She caught a couple of the sideways glances cast her way, but she didn’t care. She was beyond caring, at least for that moment.

She and Kurt finally decided on a little health food place, where they both ordered a lot of food, Kurt because “Dalton’s menu leaves a lot to be desired as far as health food goes,” and Mika because well, she was still the same person, who was tired of nonstop Asian food at home. Any change was nice.

They got their food and sat outside. The moment they sat down, Kurt noticed someone. “Blaine!” he called.

The boy who walked over was very attractive, with dark, slightly curly hair and really pretty brown eyes. Kurt had mentioned him the other night at Tina’s, as the boy he had a crush on. “Hi Kurt,” he said, giving him a small smile and then looking at Mika.

“Hey Blaine,” Kurt said. “This is my friend Mika. We went to school together at McKinley.”

“Hi Mika,” Blaine said, shaking her hand. She shook back, smiling nervously, but once again, being introduced to someone as a girl did not start World War Three. Blaine just smiled a little bit and kept talking. “McKinley sounds like a really scary place from what Kurt’s told me.”

“It is, a little,” she agreed, the darkness of her tone probably obvious to Blaine, but seriously, she was only starting to realize how scary it could become. “Slushies down every corner and all of that.”

“I still don’t get that,” Blaine said shaking his head. “Never in my life had I heard of slushie attacks before I met Kurt.”

The boy was still shaking his head when he looked over to his side. “Well, I’m meeting my parents and little sister here today, and you guys look like you were just about to eat lunch, so I have to go. It was nice meeting you Mika.”

With that, he ducked off. Kurt looked down the path he walked down with a dreamy smile on his face.

“You really like him huh?” Mika asked.

“I’m hopelessly in love and Blaine is hopelessly clueless,” Kurt admitted, smiling at that. “Isn’t he the cutest thing?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Mika said, softly. “He has really pretty eyes.”

It was one of those things she had been uncomfortable doing before, talking about boys. She wasn’t sure what her sexuality was honestly. She was attracted to Tina when they were together and she had definitely had thoughts about boys before, but she hid them away. They had been comforting when she thought she was a gay or bisexual boy, but now that she was a possibly bisexual girl, she was kind of more open to say what she thought about Kurt’s crush and his pretty eyes.

Sexuality would come next in the long line of figuring herself out, but it was nice to be open. Everything was more open when she was honest about being a girl.

“The prettiest,” Kurt said dreamily, picking at his salad. “He’s also really brave. He told me the other day about coming out to his parents, and honestly, he stood a lot more to lose than I did. His parents were very traditional, but they’ve slowly warmed up to him being gay, when they realized all he went through before transferring to Dalton.”

Coming out. It broke Mika’s thoughts from the pleasant ones of attractive boys and brought them back to her parents.

“I’m sorry,” Kurt said quickly. “I didn’t mean to mention something like that. I know I can be off-putting and scary, especially in your situation.”

“It’s not,” Mika mumbled. “I just…when you came out to your dad as gay, he was okay with it, right?”

“Not delighted, but okay,” Kurt mumbled.

“It’s just, I know that I won’t get a good reaction when I tell my parents I’m a girl, no matter how hard I try to get a good reaction out of them.” It was just fact. She could dream up scenarios where her parents would accept her for who she was, but they were just dreams with no validity in real life or in her parent’s personalities. The Chang family was never going to open up their arms to a transgendered daughter. It was a horrible fact.

Kurt shook his head. “You know them better than I do,” he said, “but I have to hope that they’ll come around. They love you.”

“They love their son,” she corrected, somberly, knowing that it was true.

“If they loved their son, then they have to learn to love their daughter…”

“I hope you’re right,” she mumbled, deciding to eat before she could no longer stomach her food. She knew that whatever happened, she was going to be in so much trouble. It was going to end an era, all that Mika knew of her world. “I’m going to come out after my birthday. I’m tired of lying to everyone about who I am. I’m going straight to my parents first.”

Kurt reached over the table and grabbed her free hand, and squeezed it. “I know that I’ll be there for you, Tina will be there for you and you got Tina’s parents too. It’ll all turn out right.”


	7. Chapter 7

Mika had never really been that big on birthday parties, but she was excited to go to her party at Tina’s house. She had told her guy friends that she had plans with Tina, since they still assumed that they were dating and there had been no real fuss. Now here she was, dressed in a way that felt comfortable for her, wearing her girl clothes and her wig and she had never felt better. It was her birthday and it meant more to her than it ever had before. It was a new year, a year for Mika, who had never been free to exist before.

She knocked on the door, waiting for someone to answer.

“Surprise!” Tina yelled, answering the door with a smirk on her face. She seemed very happy. “Hi honey, how are you doing? God, you look pretty.”

The compliment, especially coming from Tina, was one of the nicest things in the world. She swallowed deeply, trying to respond to it. Finally she managed a soft, “thank you,” and hugged Tina close. She could see Tina’s parents were there, as well as Kurt. It may have been the smallest birthday party ever, but it was also the most comfortable because everyone in the room knew that she was a girl and everyone in the room was fine with that. It was all she wanted for her birthday, to be in the company of people who knew her for who she was and loved her all the same.

Tina’s mother rushed up to her. “C’mere honey,” she said excited. She was as hyperactive as her daughter. “I want to show you the birthday cake I made.”

“You didn’t have to-“Mika started, but she was quickly dragged out of Tina’s grip and into the dining room, where the cake sat in the center of the table. It was a small, round, homemade birthday cake with ‘Happy 17th birthday Mika,” written on it neatly in purplish colored icing. It was beautiful.

She didn’t know what to say so she hugged Tina’s mom. “Thank you so much,” she said brightly. “That’s so awesome.”

“Mom, can we please do Mika’s presents first though?” Tina asked. “I don’t think I can go through a whole party without blurting things out. Seriously, it’s so awesome and she’s gonna be so excited and I just want to…”

"Alright, alright," Mari said, as Tina ranted about giving Mika her birthday presents. "Your father and I will go first."

That made Mika freeze. She had not known that Tina's parents were going to give her a birthday present. "You didn't have to," she said quickly, her eyes wide. She felt a little bit embarrassed. Friend’s parents didn’t get you things for your birthday. It was just a simple rule or something.

The woman shook her head. "Hush," she said, as she retrieved a small box from her husband. Daniel handed it over, watching with eager eyes as his wife handed Mika the box.

She took it in her hands. It was a small gold box with a purple colored ribbon wrapped around it. She toyed with the ribbon, feeling suddenly nervous. "Can I open it?" she asked.

"Well it is your birthday gift silly," Mari said.

Mika undid the purple ribbon carefully, setting it aside, and opened the little gold box.

Inside was a silver necklace that read 'Mika' in a loopy cursive writing. It was the most beautiful thing that she had ever seen in her whole life. Mika tried to speak but she found that her throat was closed up with the amount of emotion that was coursing through her. "I..." she mumbled low.”I...this is the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen." It wasn't just the necklace either, of course. It was the fact that Daniel and Mari, two adults, had embraced her for who she was and took that identity and ran with it. In Mika's limited perspective, adults were generally closed off, unaccepting and from another generation. Daniel and Mari were about the same age as her parents and they loved Mika for who she was. Tears filled her eyes quickly. They were really being her family to her, ever since she came out. "I..thank you?" she finally managed, choking on the words a little bit. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say to people who had done so much for her.

Mari came over and wrapped her arms around Mika. "You're welcome honey. Happy birthday."

Daniel was quieter but once his wife had let the poor girl go, came over and pat her on the shoulder. "I'm glad you like it.”

Mika nodded. “I love it,” she said softly. “I… this, this name means so much to me and the fact that you guys really took my name and…went with it, you know? That’s insane.”

Daniel nodded and Tina got up. “Here let me help you put that on.”

While Tina latched the necklace around Mika’s neck, Kurt got up and retrieved a bag from the other room. It was a red bag with an elaborate ribbon tied around the handle. Mika breathed nervously and then touched the necklace when it hung against her neck.

“I hope you like this,” Kurt said, handing over the big bag. “Eh no, I worked hard on this. I know you will like this.”

Mika opened the bag that Kurt handed over. There were clothes inside – a lot of clothes. He picked out each item and stared at it in awe. The first was a blue blouse with a wide neckline, the second was a grey colored skirt, perfectly pressed, and it went on and on. “Will these-“

Kurt nodded proudly. “I’ve been doing my research Mike and I talked to a couple of local trans groups. I actually have a lot of pamphlets and stuff in there to give you, don’t let me forget. These are all from specific shops. I’ve taken a lot of drives recently. You can still dress fabulously in clothes that work with your body. I had way too much fun shopping just so you know. I’m gonna drag you to some of these places soon.”

“I look forward to it,” she said softly, looking at Kurt in awe. She felt something hard at the bottom of the bag and frowned. “Hey, what’s this?” she asked, opening a hard wrapped object.

Kurt smirked a little bit. “Well, my dad basically freaked at the tiaras I owned, at one point,” he said. “I still, to this day, attest that they are freaking amazing and maybe the reason my dad flipped was because they are the definition of feminine, so I decided that someone just coming into their female identity should feel like a princess.”

Mika couldn’t help the smile on her face when she unwrapped the tiara. It was a tiny little silver colored thing with tiny diamond colored stones. “Oh Kurt, this is really pretty,” she said in awe.

“Oh and it’ll go perfectly with my gift,” Tina said excited. “Mika, babe, you are gonna be such a princess when we’re through with you.”

Tina quickly got her gift and handed it over. Mika knew that the dress was inside of it, but still gasped a little when she saw the finished product. Tina had done such an amazing job altering it, it just looked perfect.

“Do you like it?” she asked. She then, before Mika could even answer, thrust a smaller birthday bag into her hand. “This has everything you need, including things that you may need to fill it out. Come on, please, try it on for me.”

Mika was not sure that she had ever seen Tina so hyper. “Okay,” she said dazed. “Will you help me?”

Tina nodded and took her by the hand.

It took a little while for Tina to get Mika dressed. Mika found that the breast padding and taping things down were incredibly awkward and by the time she and Tina were done with that she was bright red in the face. Tina actually had to guide her over to the mirror and say, “look at you,” to get her really looking at herself.

She opened her eyes. She looked fantastic, wearing that gorgeous dress and a tiara, like some kind of princess. Kurt was right. She smiled, genuinely smiled at the image of herself in the mirror. Standing next to Tina, her ideal of what a girl truly was, they could have been sisters.

She looked at Tina. “This feels fantastic,” she said.

“Okay now let’s go downstairs,” Tina said, laughing.

When Mika came downstairs, everything just made sense. Tina’s parents both told her that she was beautiful and Kurt made fake fainting gestures. This was her body, this was her identity, this was who she was. She decided that she was going to tell her parents and get it over with. Even if they failed her, she had freedom and family here.


	8. Chapter 8

Mika had decided to come out to her parents, the moment she had walked into Tina's living room in her new dress, and Tina's parents had told her she was beautiful. Still, the idea mortified her, made her sick to her stomach. She had then decided that she was going to do this as a girl. If she came out to her parents while maintaining the image of being their son, they would just call her crazy and tell her to stop saying stupid things.

She sat in front of the mirror in her bedroom, while she got dressed. She was wearing the dress Tina bought and prepared for her again. It made her feel safe, confident in the fact that she was a girl. The dress gave her a feminine waistline, at least as much as she could have one, and the breast padding really helped fill the outfit out. She put on the short wig, and gave the mirror a half smile as she did. She really could be a girl.

She did her makeup carefully, the way that Tina had taught her, using only light colors and natural tones.

She finished making her insides match her outsides by putting on the necklace that Tina's parents gave her. It shined the name she chose brightly, so nobody could deny who she was.

She swallowed her fears and walked downstairs.

Her father was sitting in the front room, watching the Chinese News station. "Dad?" she said softly, using her normal voice, low and soft, but feminine. "Can we talk for a moment?"

He looked over, not paying much attention. The moment he saw Mika however, his eyes opened wide with shock and horror and he shot up off of the sofa. "Mike Chang what the hell are you doing?" he asked.

She smoothed out her dress and stepped forward. "Can we talk in private?" she asked. "You, me and mom too."

"Why are you dressed like that?" the man yelled. "If this is for that silly glee club, I will sue the school, I swear to God. I already told you that no son of mine was going to dress like some..."

"I'm not your son," she said softly, looking at her father. "I wanted to talk to you dressed like I'm supposed to be dressed. I'm your daughter."

"What on earth are you yelling about?" his mother asked, entering the room.

There they were. Mika was facing Jia and Park Chang, her parents. Her mother screamed when she saw the way that she was dressed. "Mike, what are you doing dressed that way?"

She swallowed. "Sit down," she said.

It was surprising, but her father sat back down and her mother joined him. "I'm transgendered," she said softly. "That means that while I'm biologically male, I am a girl."

“Stop being stupid.”

Mika held her head high, even though she wanted to start crying instantly at that reaction from his mother. Stop being stupid.

“Get out of those clothes, now!”

She recognized the look on her father’s face. He was losing his iron grip, his control. Her father had always been big about having traditional, well formed control over the entire household. “Tina bought me these clothes for my birthday,” Mika said, trying to keep on a strong face even when staring down her father.

“That girl! I told you she was no good! She did this to our son!”

He was now turning on Mika’s mother and Mika was not going to have this. “Tina didn’t do this,” she said clearly. “Neither did Mom. I’m a girl and I’ve always denied that fact. I don’t want to deny it anymore, Dad. I want to be happy like I am.”

“Get out of that freakshow outfit or get out of my house,” he said clearly. “I will not have my son stand here, disgracing his entire family by dressing like some kind of freak.”

“Mom,” Mika said softly, but she knew that her mother would follow her father’s actions.

“This is not acceptable,” her mother said firmly. “Stop playing fantasy games of dress up. Your father has every right to be angry with you.”

“I haven’t played dress up since I was four,” Mika said firmly, tears falling despite her refusal to let them. They blurred up her vision and made it very hard to see. “I haven’t played dress up since I was four and I was wearing a dress then too, or have you forgotten? I am a girl and have always wanted to be a girl. You know that.”

She didn’t have many pre-gradeschool memories, but she did have some. She knew that her gender identity was nothing new.

“Dad please,” she said, approaching her father. “I need help. I need you guys to be there, because I want to come out at school and I know that’s not going to be easy here and I need-“

He shoved her back. “You need a mental health professional to come and get your head checked out. Get out! Get out of my house! Get out now!”

“Mike, your father and I can call Dr. Tsu.”

Mika paused. Dr. Tsu. The Asian therapist that her parents had called when she started going through puberty and had some pretty nasty anxiety attacks that she now knew were related to the fact that they insisted she was a boy.

“You think I’m sick?’ she asked. “You think I’m sick?!”

There was nothing like the fury she felt at that. She was being reasonable, she was giving them time to adjust to their son being their daughter, but she could not take the implication that she was sick. It was sort of like the same way they thought that gay people or interracial couples were sick. She hated the family she came from and their uptight traditional views. She could never belong here.

“I am not sick!” she screamed. “I’m a girl who’s been too ashamed to admit it and now that I am, I’m being treated like I’m sick and a disgrace. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of you.”

Her mother approached her and Mika winced, as if she was going to hit her. It was the ways he was poised. “Do not talk to your father in that way.”

She turned around, the bottom of the wig hitting her face in an awkward way. She was still not used to many parts of her life but she was not going to take the total disrespect and the hurt that her parents were throwing her way. She was a new girl, a girl in transition but she was not going to let her parents call her sick.

“I am trying to have a conversation with my father about who I am,” she said, looking at her father, imploring him to try and understand or at least start to.

“Get out!” he yelled, reaching for her, but instead of hitting her, his fingers snagged in the necklace she was wearing. It fell to the floor.

Crying, Mika bent down and carefully picked up the necklace Tina’s parents gave her. It wasn’t broken thank god, but the latch had twisted open. She made a show of slowly putting it back on. It was her name, her identity and her parents would not break that.

“I’m going.”

Mika gathered a few things and then left the house. She didn’t stop walking until she reached Tina’s house. Halfway between her place and Tina’s, she realized that she had walked out on her parents dressed as a girl and she was in very much danger of being seen dressed this way. She thought of taking off the wig, but instead lowered her head and tried to keep as inconspicuous as possible.

She had just come out to her parents and wasn’t ready for the rest of the world to know.

She miraculously made it to Tina’s place without being seen. She knocked and when Mari opened the door, she burst into tears. It was like she had been waiting to find her safety, to really break down in sobs. The woman drew her inside and to the couch, arms around her shoulders. “Sweetheart,” Mari said softly. “Talk to me, tell me what happened.”

She choked as she tried to explain to the woman what had happened. “It just w-went bad like I thought,” she mumbled, surprised when Mari let her lean her head against her shoulder. “It wasn’t anything s-surprising or unexpected. They called me sick…”

“Sick?” she asked, hand on the back of her neck.

She nodded. “My mom said they’d call this th-therapist.”  
Mika could feel the woman shaking her head against the side of her face. “I’m so sorry honey,” she said quietly. “Tina told me that it wouldn’t be easy for you, but I hoped that your parents would understand, or at least try to.”

Mika sighed, shaking her head. “My dad kicked me out of the house,” he mumbled softly. “So I left and walked all the way here dressed as a girl. I’m…I’m really scared of what’s going to happen next.”

Mari very gently turned, lifting Mika’s gaze. “Sweetie,” she said softly. “You can stay here as long as you need to. Daniel and I already talked about it, when Tina said she was worried about you. You’re family. We always wanted to have another daughter, you know that?”

“You mean that?” Mika asked quietly. “I don’t want to be a burden to you guys…I just…”

“Family is never a burden,” she assured, softly. “I don’t really know what’s going to happen to you in the next couple of weeks, honey. I know that it’s going to be very difficult and that this isn’t exactly the most tolerant place in the world, but I know that we’ll take care of you. You’re our daughter, Mika.”

Mika could not believe how lucky she was.

Mari grinned a little, something that reminded Mika so much of Tina. “Also,” she said laughing, “maybe we can manipulate the system, since nobody in Lima knows a thing about their Asians and you’re just another Chang girl.”


	9. Chapter 9

“I think you should ease into it, Mika,” Mari suggested gently, when Mika revealed her intention to come out. “It’s going to be difficult for people to come to terms with you as you are, because they’re so used to you as you were and as you appeared to them. Also, I think it would be good to start with the people that you trust – the glee kids, perhaps? I know that they’re really good kids and will understand.”

Mika nodded, knowing that Mari was probably right. She had to ease into this slow, because it was a big transition and a huge step to take. “I should show the glee club who I am,” she mumbled, though even that idea was kind of scary. She knew that her parents were going to turn on her, but the glee kids were her friends, the only friends she had that she fully trusted. It hurt to think that coming out to them as transgendered; she might have to give up some of those friendships that meant so much.

“I have to agree with my wife,” Daniel mumbled from the other side of the room. He seemed to be seriously considering things. “Those are a good group of kids.”

“We’re going to need them,” Tina said, leaning close to Mika’s side. She was also deeply lost in thought. “I can’t really see them doing anything…bad…hopefully.”

Mika hoped that Tina was right. She knew that the kids in glee were the most tolerant at McKinley High, but still, this was a big thing for them to learn – that Mike Chang was a girl, that the boy they thought they knew didn’t even exist. She wasn’t exactly sure how they would take it.

She stuck very close to Tina, as they talked about how they would do it. It seemed like it had to happen on Tuesday, when the club met after school. After the bell rang, she would change into her girl clothes and talk to them before the meeting began. It seemed so easy, but at the same time the phrase ‘easier said than done’ was all Mika could think of. She was terrified.

By the time Tuesday evening rolled around she was so nervous that she almost considered backing out of her plan. She wasn’t sure that she could do this. She would be giving up so much of the protections she had put up, but at the same time this was a big first step into being open about herself and her gender identity, something she craved.

“You don’t have to,” Tina said, as she took a bag filled with her girl clothes and went to get dressed.

“Don’t have to now, but eventually I do,” she said softly, knowing it was true.

Tina helped her get dressed, as she still had a lot of issues with her girl clothes, and then they walked to the choir room as who they were – two very similar but oh-so-different young girls. Tina kept looking around, probably to make sure that none of the McKinley jocks were lurking. Tina was very protective of Mika, a big sister of sorts and she really loved the girl for it.

They entered the choir room.

It was busy, so Tina spoke softly. “Hey, guys,” she said. Mr. Schuester was by the piano, busy with something so he didn’t even notice their entrance. “We have to talk to you for a second and it’s something really important that will affect glee, so you should kind of listen.”

That was when people started to notice her. “What the hell is going on?” Puck asked, never one to be afraid to blurt things out. “Chang, what on earth are you doing dressed like the queen of some bad drag show?”

The words caught her in the chest before she could even speak, and then she heard Mercedes mumble, “Is it Halloween or something?”

“It’s okay sweetheart,” Tina mumbled and squeezed her hand tight.

Mika quickly found her voice with Tina squeezing her hand. “I need to talk to you guys about something really important,” she said. She caught Mr. Schuester’s slack jawed expression out of the corner of her eye and tried to still herself. “I’m a girl. I’m transgendered and I’d…I’d really like it if you guys would call me Mika from here on out.”

It was such a simple one-sentence explanation for such a huge part of her life. She looked around at her friends. Finn and Sam wore matching confused looks on their faces. Mercedes looked shocked, sitting next to Puck who was gaping at her. Santana rolled her eyes, picking at her fingernails.

“What the hell is it, April Fool’s Day?” she asked.

Tina opened her mouth to speak but Mika spoke instead. “Santana, this is really serious,” she said softly. “I wanted to come out to you guys first before I started trying to really live at school and stuff as a girl, because I trust you guys.”

“Dude, seriously,” Santana said, looking up at Mika and rolling her eyes. “You have a dick, you’re a dude. Get over it.”

She stood there, feeling a little bit crushed for a moment. She knew that Santana was a bitch and by no means represented the viewpoints of all of her friends, but still, this was the hardest thing in the world to do and it caught her off guard. She looked to Mr. Schuester, who seemed a little too clueless to do anything and then her gaze went back to the floor.

“Oh come on guys, that’s messed up…” the girl went on, quickly, because everyone else was too stunned to speak.

"Oh shut up Santana."

Brittany turned heads with that one. Mika, who had been staring at the floor, found that she was definitely looking at Brittany. The girl then smiled and took Mika's hand. "It was really hard for her to tell us all of this and you don't get to be a bitch today,” she told Santana, but she was still looking Mika in the eyes.

Mika had to smile at that, even though she was near tears. "Brittany, I…thank you," she said.

"It's what everyone else was thinking," she said with an uncharacteristically sassy tone. She glared at the other students in the room, as if to dare them to say otherwise. "They're just too shocked to say so yet. They know that you're still awesome, maybe even more awesome. You're a ninja AND a hot girl now."

Mika sat down and smiled at her. "Since when was I a ninja?"

Brittany shrugged. “I always kind of thought you were a ninja,” she said. “We’ve always been really good friends, right? I want to be friends with you as a girl too.”

Mika leaned over and hugged her, impulsively. “You’re the best, Brittany, of course we still are.”

Finally, Mika looked up to hear Mr. Schuester attempting to bring the room back to order. “Okay,” he said quickly. “I think we need to go over the dance routine for our Regionals setlist. It’s really lacking and we don’t have much time to bring it up to speed.”

Brittany smiled at Mika and took her by the hand. “I think we can help you with that,” she said.

Mika found that dancing was a lot easier when she was being open about her gender identity. It was probably all in her head, but she found that her body moved the way that she always wanted it to, but was afraid to let it as a boy. Dancing was still the greatest passion in her life and all she wanted to do was dance. She twirled Brittany around, finding that they were always a great pair when it came to dance, and now she felt so at home. Brittany was even pretty quick to point it out, when the routine had Mika passing between her and Tina.

“Tina,” she said. “Don’t you think that Mika’s even more fantastic than before?”

Tina smiled and Brittany and nodded. She wasn’t as skilled in their routines as Brittany and Mika were but she kept up with the choreography well. “Of course,” she said. “She’s comfortable in her own skin and looks better than ever.”

Glee rehearsal ended much too soon, and once again Mika had to be very careful not to be spotted, flanked by Brittany and Tina at either side.

She couldn’t help catch another couple of comments as they made their way along, realizing that Santana wasn’t the only one with hurtful things to say about her.

“He steals my girlfriend and then he’s a chick? It’s screwed up, that’s what it is.”

“Isn’t this going to hurt our chances at Regionals?”

“It’s…kinda gross.”

“I’m breaking up with Artie if he doesn’t stop that,” Brittany cheerfully announced, as she noticed the same thing. “C’mon let’s go somewhere where nobody will bug you.”

Mika wasn’t sure how things were going to go from here on out but she was glad to have Tina, Brittany, Kurt, Tina’s parents and all of the people really giving her the support she needed.


	10. Chapter 10

Mika actually enjoyed playing football but she had quit the team after coming out to Tina’s family as transgendered and losing her parents. It wasn’t like she had anyone to impress by being a football player anymore and it would just be too much strain, especially when it got out to the general population of the school that she was a girl. Mika had been putting off clearing out her football locker but carefully, dressed in her boy clothes even, she took the various things out of the locker, packing them away in her bag. It was a part of her life that was over.

“So, this is why you said you were done with football?”

Mika turned to find herself face to face with Finn. He looked completely confused and uncomfortable. “Yeah,” she said. “It’d be too difficult to keep doing it, especially on a team full of boys.”

“I really don’t get the transgender thing at all, Mike,” Finn said, seriously.

Mika looked up from where she was trying to gather her things. Finn was generally harmless but he was also a little slow to understand things. She smiled some and tried her best to explain. “It’s Mika now, Finn,” she said gently. “Basically, what my being transgendered means is that I’m a girl, even though I was biologically born a male. It’s a little confusing and I know it’s hard to get used to, since we’ve known each other as guys for a long time. It was hard for me to admit it to myself, but Tina and her parents are being so supportive.”

“Are you going to like wear dresses and stuff at school?”

“Soon,” she said quietly, not exactly liking the way their conversation was heading. “I’m still trying to figure out how to come out at school. My parents don’t support me in any way. They kicked me out of the house. I’m living with Tina’s family right now. I don’t have any parental support or anything but yeah, I want to be out.”

“You can’t do that,” Finn said quickly.

His words surprised Mika and of course, offended her quite a bit. “Yes, I can,” she said, thinking about just how unhappy she was in public nowadays. She had the chance to be happy in public by coming out and she was going to take it.

“Dude, they’ll kill you!” Finn yelled.

“I have to be honest with who I am, Finn,” she said. “I’ve been so unhappy. I’ve been so miserable my whole life and I’m finally learning to be happy with help from people like Tina and her parents, who are supportive and wonderful. I’m learning that I can’t live for other people.”

“I don’t get why you have to change to be happy,” Finn said plainly.

Mika was very shocked by the boy’s words. She very quickly ducked down to get the rest of her things and then moved to leave. “Finn, I think that you need to understand more about transgender issues and who I am, before we can talk again. That was really, really messed up. I have to do something to make my life better.”

“You’re a guy, Mike,” Finn said. “I mean, it’s one thing to be a gay dude like Kurt and maybe you’re gay, but you have a guy’s junk so…I mean just be a dude.”  
“I’m not a dude,” Mika said, resisting the urge to slap Finn in the face. “I would stop spending so much time with Santana, if I were you. Rachel was annoying as hell but a much better influence.”

She calmly walked out of the locker room. Mika heard footsteps behind her and turned around; she was ready to tell off Finn once more but instead she found herself looking at Sam. Sam and Mike had always been good friends but Mika had not really received a read or an understanding of how Sam felt about Mika.

“Mika,” Sam said softly, something that definitely allowed her to put her guard down a little. “I overheard the end of your conversation with Finn in the locker room.” The blonde boy smiled, his hands in his pockets. “Finn is one of my best bros but he’s kind of dense about the world and stuff. Er, even denser than I am, that is. I can’t believe he’d say that to you. It’s really shitty.”

“It’s okay,” Mika said softly, shaking her head. “I just thought Finn was a little bit more sensitive about things.”

“He really hurt Kurt a couple months back, when I think Kurt had a thing for me.” Sam sighed wistfully after he spoke, indicating to Mika that he definitely had some regrets about the moment in question. “I’ve noticed that Lima is a really backwards town. I mean, I was always pretty open about being bi, back at home. I even went to a private all boys’ school but still had plenty of friends. Then, I came here and I’m not even out about that because I’m afraid it will increase the volume of slushies or something. This place is stupid.”

Sam and Mika were both quiet for a minute before Sam gently tugged her over towards a bench outside. “While I do kind of worry about you coming out in this hellhole of a school,” he said softly, “I admire you so much for being brave enough to be who you are. I’m tryin’ my best to stop obsessing over images, but I’m really a wimp in comparison to someone like you. I just want to be…seen as someone important. Image is so important, but you’re…awesome, admirable, yeah.”

“Someone like me,” she mumbled. Yeah, she was an unfortunate transgendered girl stuck in the middle of one of the worst possible places for someone like her to live. “I’m so scared Sam. I don’t want to get hurt over this. I just want to have a peaceful time you know. My parents kicked me out…”

“Shit, I am so sorry,” Sam said, apparently not hearing that part of the conversation with Finn. “I can’t imagine parents kicking their kid out for anything. When Quinn told me about her dad kicking her out for the baby, I felt the same way…how can you turn your own kid away?”

Mika nodded, low. “I expected it. Tina’s family has taken me in, they’re amazing, but I don’t know how much more I can take.”

Sam looked very uncomfortable. “I was planning on telling you in glee the other day, but you looked really amazing in that dress and everything,” he said. “You carry yourself differently in girl’s clothes – like you know who you are. It’s very…it’s beautiful.”

Mika felt heat flush into her face. “Thanks,” she mumbled. “I really love being dressed like a girl. I feel so wrong like this. It’s always felt so wrong.”

Sam smiled. “If you decide to come out about it, please let me know first,” he said. “I mean I know you can hold your own but you’ll need back up and I know I want to be there for you, especially if some of the football guys like Karofsky and Azimio get violent. I think Puckerman will be on it too, even if he was kind of a jerk today. I dunno about Finn, sadly, dude really…really sucks.”

“It’s okay,” Mika said smiling. She was very thankful for that kind of attitude.

“Us glee losers gotta stick together,” Sam said laughing.

Mika nodded and looked at the clock. It was late. She had to get to Tina. “I have to go,” she told Sam. “Thank you so much for everything that you’ve said and done today.”

“It’s no problem at all,” Sam said and she hurried off towards Tina’s locker.

When she arrived, Tina was waiting. “You look so red in the face,” Tina said seriously, looking Mika up and down. “Are you okay?”

She nodded. “I had a run in with Finn that was really depressing,” she said honestly, “but then Sam came along and told me that he and guys like Puck would team up with me, if I came out and there was…violence.”

“Finn can be…” Tina mumbled, not really having an adjective to describe the boy. “It’ll get better Mika, I promise.”


	11. Chapter 11

Mika sat on the couch with Tina’s mother that night, telling her about what happened with Finn. Mari Cohen-Chang had quickly become her closest confidant and she was happy about that. She needed the influence of a strong, maternal woman in her life. “I know that I’m truly lucky,” she said honestly, after she explained what Finn had said to her. “I know that there have been transgendered people who have had…horror stories happen to them and aside from a few insults I’m…well, it’s not that bad. Still, it hurts to know that people who liked me as Mike can’t take me as Mika. I mean, I know I have to give them time and Tina told me I have to, but it’s so hard…”

“It’s okay to feel badly,” the woman said.

Mika nodded. “I just…I hate the attitude he had, that I was just complicating things,” she said. It was infuriating to her that anyone could think she would choose this life. If she could choose her life then she would choose to be comfortable in her own skin, she would choose to be born in the right body. “I didn’t want this. I hate this.”

Mika groaned and leaned her head back against the sofa. “Sam did make me feel a lot better though after. I mean, having him tell me that I looked beautiful as a girl? That was fantastic and so encouraging. I didn’t really expect such a nice reaction from any of the boys, because girls are usually better at stuff like this.”

“He seems like a sweet boy,” Mari responded. “Were you guys close before?”

Mika shrugged a little at her question. “He just started at McKinley this year. We just started getting close through football but I didn’t know much about him.”

“That’s great,” the woman said. “Mika, I have to admit that your situation is not one that I’ve ever had to deal with, but I’m going to give you my best advice. You have to be true to yourself and stick to people like Tina and this Sam kid, who will love you for who you are. This is going to be a hard time but Daniel and I are going to fall into the parental role as much as we can. Speaking of which, I hate to ask darling, but have you spoken to your parents since you left them?”

Mika simply shook her head. “No,” she told Mari honestly. “I w-want to go and talk to them again but I’m scared. I know they won’t listen. Neither of them were ever very good at listening to their son and to be honest, they don’t care about their daughter.” Mika’s voice hitched on the word daughter. She knew that her mother and father were hyper-conservative and their strict ideas on gender roles were not going to bend for her. To a pair of conservative Chinese-American parents, what was worse than their son wanting to be a daughter?

She wanted to believe that they were bendable and could change but she had never seen them bend before. She knew that she needed them. She closed her eyes but she could not catch her own tears.

“I’m sorry Mika,” Mari said quickly, as soon as the tears began to fall. “I hate that they don’t realize how much their daughter needs them. I hate that they fail you so much. I love you sweetie.”

“I love you too,” she said softly. “I love that you and your husband are there for me like…well, like parents. It means so much.”

Mari put her arm around Mika and she simply curled into the woman’s side. “Would it be out of line if Daniel and I tried to talk to your parents? Maybe we could help them understand you.”

“I don’t think that it will do any good,” Mika warned, because Mari looked so positive and hopeful. “I don’t think you can convince them that I’m a girl any better than I can, but I wouldn’t be angry if you tried.” Mika knew her desperation and her desire to get her parents back were both glaringly obvious, even though she attempted to keep them down.

Mari saw her desperation clearly and stroked her hair back out of her eyes. “We would love to try our best to help you. We want you to have all we can and we love you.”

Mika breathed deeply but she felt like she was just trying to hold in air to keep herself afloat, when she was already deflating. “I’m scared,” she whispered. “I’m even more afraid because I need my parents so much. I need to start seeing some kind of therapist so I can even begin to think about hormones and stuff and I’m not eighteen till next year and this sucks that they can’t…”

She exhaled and deflated, falling to the ground. She positively crumbled, clinging to her mother-figure’s side. Mari put both arms around her and held her tightly, speaking softly to her. “It’s okay sweetie, let it out.”

She choked, sobbing on the woman’s shoulder. “I…I just can’t…I can’t…” She was hyperventilating, taking in deep, choking sobs. She was just so overwhelmed by the way that her world had been shifted and changed. She did not want it to change but it had changed anyway. It wasn’t fair. “I need a family…I need parents…there’s so much to do and change and I can’t…I can’t be alone…”

“You’re not alone sweetheart. You got Tina, your friends, Daniel and me. I promise to be as much of a mother to you as I can.”

Mika looked up and found the determined woman looking her straight in the eyes. She felt the tears coming from herself and couldn’t control them but she felt better being here with someone she loved and cared about and who cared about her just the same. “I want to come out at school,” Mika admitted. “I know that I can do the rest if I can stop wearing my boy clothes and stuff but I don’t even have parents to go to Figgins and try to talk him into having my teachers recognize me as … as me!”

She pat his shoulder very lightly. “Mika,” she said. “Daniel and I can come with you to talk to the principal as well.”

“Really?” she asked. She hated that she had to ask so much of these wonderful people but at the same time she needed them. She was only seventeen and couldn’t handle all of this without the help of the people who loved her. “Really? I just…I know that I could get hurt, but I really want to come out, you know? I can’t keep pretending, it’s not healthy and not working.”

“We’ll go see Principal Figgins as soon as possible. Daniel doesn’t work Thursday and I’m free too, so maybe then?”

Mika nodded, so thankful for the woman she would proudly call her mom any day.

Thursday came quickly. Tina’s parents attempted to talk to her parents, but it went over very badly. Neither of them would give her many details, but Daniel had confided that his mother had almost slapped Mari in the face, when she suggested that they rethink their belief systems. They had both assured her, however, that they left plenty of literature with the Changs and would do whatever they could to educate her parents.

Mika was not feeling very hopeful to be honest. She knew that it was all going to go downhill from here. She sat between Daniel and Mari, feeling mortified and light headed. She was so thankful that the two brilliant adults were sticking up for her, but at the same time this was one of the most terrifying things she had ever done. It was an incredibly deep plunge to take. Once again, she was wearing her girl’s clothes to illustrate her point and feel comfortable in a horrifying situation. Nobody had caught her or anything but the minute Figgins sat down, she did get a disturbed look.

“What do you mean by this?” was the first question to come from the principal. This, of course, made Mika want to sink into herself; however, instead of sinking, she spoke up so that her wonderful surrogate parents didn’t have to.

“Well, Mr. and Mrs. Cohen-Chang are here to help me,” Mike said, folding her shaking hands in her lap. “I know that right now, I’m legally male and named Mike, but I’m…I’m transgendered. I want to find out if I can be recognized as a girl at school. My name is Mika.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” Figgins said.

“Mika is a girl,” Daniel said firmly. He was usually much quieter than his wife but when he spoke up, it was with intensity. “We’re well aware of the fact that this is a small Midwest town and that a transgendered girl is going to deal with a lot of opposition, but we’re hoping Mika can see her school as a safe space.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Cohen-Chang,” Figgins said. “Mike is not your child, despite the initial confusion our school system had over your shared last names. Why are his parents not here?”

“They threw me out,” Mika said quickly.

“Can you help her?” Daniel said, emphasizing the pronoun as hard as he could without absolutely spitting it at the man in front of him. This made Mika smile for just a second, despite her terror.

“This is highly unorthodox,” the principal said, still looking confused. Mika was getting a little tired of people acting like her being transgendered was the most confusing thing in the world. Of course, really getting the issues affecting transpeople required some research, but how was ‘I say I’m a girl, therefore I’m a girl’, that hard to get? She did not understand in the slightest.

“I need my teachers to address me as a girl,” Mika said, deciding that she had best deal with this with a list of demands. “I need my teachers to address me by my chosen name and I need to know that people won’t make a fuss out of me being dressed as a girl. I also am going to need help with bullies, a problem our school has.”

“I am afraid I cannot give you any promises at this moment,” Figgins said, pulling some things up on a computer, “but I can have notice sent to your teachers. I have many things to do today, is that all?”

Mika was left feeling rather dissatisfied by her meeting. The two adults on either side of her looked upset too. “C’mon hon. Let’s go home.”

Home. At least she had a home.


	12. Chapter 12

Kurt was starting to appreciate Dalton Academy more and more, but at the same time there was nothing like being home for the weekend. He was really happy, until he happened to mention to Finn that he was going over to Tina’s for dinner to see Tina and Mika. He had heard that Mika came out to the glee kids, so he figured that it was a safe conversation to have with his stepbrother.

He was wrong.

“You’re not buying into that are you?” Finn asked, tilting his head to the side and looking at Kurt with an almost disturbed expression on his face. “The whole Mike being a girl thing is too out there for me, dude. I have never heard of anything like that.”

“Just because you haven’t heard about it Finn,” Kurt said harshly, “does not mean that it’s not reality for Mika.”

Finn shook his head, obviously seriously contemplating the idiotic things coming out of his mouth. He sat down on the end of his bed and shrugged a little, not realizing the six degrees of offensiveness he was spewing out. “I mean, I feel for Mike, Kurt,” he said, “and I think he might be gay. It’s not discriminating to say that I’m worried about him. He’s too scared to be gay so he’s like jumped over to being a girl or something. You should talk to him. Maybe you can help him learn that it’s cool to be gay.”

“Her, Finn,” Kurt said, getting seriously pissed off. His voice started to raise and he stared at his stepbrother in agony. “This was really hard for Mika. She spent a lot of time preparing to come out to you guys. She’s not gay, she’s a girl.”

“Wait, you already knew?” Finn asked Kurt, shocked.

Kurt nodded. “Yes,” he said tensely. “She and Tina decided to come to me because I knew what it was like to be different.”

“I don’t get why you didn’t tell me this,” he said. “We’re…we’re brothers Kurt!”

“It wasn’t mine to tell,” Kurt said simply, shaking his head. “Also, judging by the way you’re treating her, I’m glad there was no need to let you know. I hope that you look up transgender issues Finn, so you can see what Mika is going through and get some exposure to the struggles she’s going to go through.” Kurt huffed and stood up. “I’m late for dinner.”

Kurt knew that he was being too harsh on his stepbrother. He would help Finn find some information later, but he was so worried about Mika, all that she was surely going to go through if this was the way that her friends reacted to her admitting she was a girl.

Kurt got in his car and hurried to Tina’s.

Mika and Tina were sitting on Tina’s bed, homework sprawled out on the bed between them. On top of all the struggles Mika was going through as a transgendered woman, there were also the simpler struggles of being a teenager. “Is it silly that I may have a crush on Sam?” Mika asked, as she poured over her trigonometry homework. “I mean, I’m not gonna go throw myself at the guy and tell him I love him, because I know I still have a ton to figure out about my sexuality but…it’s kinda nice that he called me beautiful and all and on Thursday after your parents took me to see Figgins, he made sure I was okay. He's just...really cool."

“That’s so cute,” Tina said softly, looking up from the book she was reading. Her eyes got really big all of a sudden and she looked scared. “It’s not silly at all. I gotta go to the bathroom.”

Mika could swear that she saw Tina’s eyes fill up with tears but she wasn’t certain about that. She waited for a moment, but Algebra became less and less interesting when she realized that Tina was upset. She got up and soon followed the other girl into the bathroom. “Tina,” she said, knocking lightly. “Tina, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Tina said and it was obvious by the strain in her voice that she was crying.

Mika knew the bathroom door didn’t lock, so even though it may have been rude, she pushed open the door and inched her way inside. “Tina, what’s wrong?” she asked, moving up behind the girl who was leaning on the sink, tears in her eyes. She turned around and Mika pulled her into a hug.

“Nothing,” she mumbled against Mika’s shoulder, breathing deeply.

“Tina,” she said, rubbing the other girl’s back.

“I still love you,” Tina said quickly, looking up at her with teary eyes. “I know that we agreed to take a break romantically when you told me you were a girl and I know that we’re better off as sisters, because my parents seriously want to adopt you and everything, but I still love you deep down.”

“Tina I…”

“I know that I fell in love with Mike,” Tina said quickly, before Mika could get another word out. “I know that I fell in love with a boy who doesn’t exist, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. I just…I know I have to get over you and I’m trying okay? I'm trying but it's not easy and when you say you have feelings for someone it hurts."

Mika didn’t know what to do, so she just wiped at Tina’s wet cheek. She felt horrible. She knew that she was definitely attracted to Tina, during the time that they were dating. In fact, her sexual reactions to some of the things Mike and Tina had done were really good, but had at the same time reminded her of how much of a boy was inside of her. She knew she’d get sexually aroused with anyone she was intimate with, but she he had started to see Tina as a sister now. She didn’t think she could love her in the way Mike did anymore, as much as she wanted to.

“I’m so sorry Tina,” she said. “I didn’t realize, I was so wrapped up in myself.”

“You deserve to be,” Tina said quickly. “You’re going through a lot right now and trying to find yourself. I’m just being sel-selfish.”

Mika felt horrible for not realizing what Tina was going through. She hugged her again, holding her tightly against herself. “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I really love you, you know that? I just…I just, you’re my sister really. I feel like you’re my…”

“Did you love me?” Tina asked, the words coming out small, whimpered. “Were you attracted to me?”

Mika had told Tina that she was before, but she knew Tina needed that reaffirmed. “Tina, yes,” she mumbled softly. “I was attracted to you and still am. You’re the most beautiful girl in the world. When I realized how much I wanted to be a girl, when it really reached it’s peak, was when I met you. You are what a girl should be. I…the question isn’t whether I did love you or not. I love you. I loved you being a boy and I loved you now that I’m who I’m supposed to be.”

Mika swallowed. She hated to hurt Tina.

“I just…I mean your parents treat me like their daughter and…”

“You see me as a sister,” Tina said quietly, nodding and sitting on the closed toilet, closing her eyes. “I’m sorry Mika. I mean, I know it’s probably not best for us anyway, because you are my sister and I was your girlfriend when you were still hiding and you need to be free, it just…it sucks.”

Mika frowned, arms around herself. “I’m so sorry Tina.”

“I love you,” she said, composing herself and getting up. She threw her arms around Mika in a hug. Her voice sounded resigned, tired, but hopeful. “I love you honey.”

Mika was about to say something, try and comfort Tina further, but she could only manage “I love you too always,” before Daniel was calling upstairs for them.

“Girls! Kurt is here!”

Tina wiped her eyes and smiled at Mika. “Come on. Let’s go.”

Before she could say any more, Tina had left the bathroom and was heading downstairs. Mika followed her. Kurt was standing in the kitchen, waving at both of them. They said their usual greetings and within two minutes, Kurt tentatively hugged Mika. “I am so sorry about Finn,” he said, shaking his head from side to side. “He was being a total jackass at home and I’m sure he’s been just as bad as school. I know he’s…not the quickest kid and I’ll help him when I get home but I’m…I’m pissed now.”

Mika was surprised at the ranting. “He…hurt my feelings,” she mumbled, “but it’s okay.”

Between Tina and Finn and Kurt and everything, Mika felt overwhelmed. They went back upstairs, Tina trying to act like she was okay, Kurt pissed off and Mika thinking hard.

“What’s been going on?” Kurt asked, looking from Tina to Mika. “I heard that you came out to the rest of glee. How did that go?”

Mika shrugged. “It went okay,” she said softly. “Brittany totally told off Santana for being horrible.”

“I would have paid to see that,” Kurt mumbled.

“It was pretty cool,” Tina said, sitting down on her bed and smiling. She still seemed pretty sad but Mika did not know if either of them could do anything for her. “She outright told Santana to stop being such a bitch and also threatened to break up with Artie if he kept making comments about Mika.”

“You know there’s something about that girl,” Kurt said, obviously missing his McKinley friends, if his sad eyes were any indication. “She’s not all there sometimes, but she’s a good friend and always comes through for the people she cares about. What about everyone else?”

Mika explained, pretty quickly. “Well most people were pretty quiet,” she said. “Finn and Artie were outright jerky about it and Puck made some nasty comments, though Sam thinks that he’ll come through. Mercedes and Quinn were quiet and Santana was…well, like Brittany said, a total bitch about it. Sam was…awesome.”

“Mika has a little crush,” Tina said, strained.

“On Sam?” Kurt asked, shaking his head. “Barked up that tree and then rushed back down fast.”

“I don’t have a crush,” Mika said, mostly for Tina’s benefit. “He just said that I looked really beautiful when I was dressed as a girl and he has been so supportive. It’s nice.”

“Awesome,” Kurt said, raising an eyebrow like he was a little suspicious of them. “Mika, I did kind of storm out on Finn, but I promise that I’ll talk to him and work on educating him. I don’t think that Finn’s a cruel guy, just kind of…slow to the uptake of certain things.”

Mika smiled. “Thanks Kurt,” she said, settling down close to Tina. “Kurt, I’m…uh planning on coming out large scale soon. Tina’s parents have talked to Figgins and it might go horribly but it’s gonna happen.”

Kurt nodded. “I…hope it goes well.”

The look of terror in the once bullied teenager’s eyes kind of threw Mika off, but she leaned into Tina’s side and changed the subject. “Tina, we better put our homework stuff away before we lose our minds and go see when dinner’s gonna be ready.”


	13. Chapter 13

Mika stood in the McKinley High hallway as a girl for the very first time. She held her head high. She was wearing a brand new wig, darker and a little bit longer than her first, and a purple top with a black ruffled skirt that Tina had helped her choose. The silver necklace that proudly proclaimed her name hung around her neck and she tried her best to smile, even as the looks began immediately.

Figgins had finally agreed to talk to the faculty and have Mika recognized in the school system as a girl, though there were still little details that were not going to be so easily smoothed in a Midwestern public school. There were also the stares, which were already positively painful. Tina, at her side, reached out and gripped her hand for support. Though they were having some definite troubles at the time, Mika loved Tina so much for being there for her during this important moment.

“I’m kind of terrified,” she told Tina, softly, despite the confident look on her face. She could feign confidence all she wanted but there was nothing like the warning stares that were coming at her from all four sides.

Tina nodded, obviously a little bit terrified for her.

She and Tina went to their lockers before class. At her locker, she was approached by Sam. This caused Tina to give Mika a pained look before she left, but despite this, Mika was kind of glad that Sam was around. He couldn’t hold his own against the bullies of McKinley any more than Mika could but having support was always nice. “Hey,” he said, looking around them. “How are you doing so far?”

Mika forced another smile. “I’m okay,” she said. “Nervous as hell and it hasn’t even begun yet, but I’m okay.”

Sam nodded. “I really don’t blame you.” He looked over Mika’s shoulder and rolled his eyes. Mika only turned fast enough to see the back of Quinn, flouncing off angrily.

“What happened with her?” she asked, determined to think of anything aside from herself and her nerves.

“She broke up with me yesterday,” Sam said, shrugging. “I saw it coming really, the way she’s been looking at Finn and the way she’s been reacting to me figuring myself out, but…still kind of sucks, breaking up is hard to do and all of that.” Sam looked upset to have lost his girlfriend but Mika immediately picked out the guilt as well.

“Why’d you guys break up?” she asked.

“A lot of reasons, like I said,” Sam said sheepishly, his face a little bit red. “Also, we don’t agree on way too much.”

“Me,” Mika said.

“Sorta yeah,” Sam said. “She got upset at me for supporting ‘such madness.’ C’mon your homeroom’s right next to mine.”

They started walking toward their first classes, Mika thinking about what had happened. Of course, she felt guilty that she was the reason that Sam and Quinn’s breaking up but she didn’t think that Sam was lying. It had been a long time coming and their disagreement over their transgendered friend Mika was just one of many things.

She also couldn’t help admire Sam even more for sticking up for her, even if it meant the end of his relationship. He was a good guy that even the members of glee had not quite figured out yet. There were a lot of sides to him and Sam wasn’t sure who he wanted to be yet. Mika could relate to that very well.

They reached Mika’s classroom and Sam smiled at her. “See you later,” Sam said, before ducking off into the next classroom.

Mika could not concentrate through that class or any of the next. The stares were incredible. Nobody outright confronted her yet, but she was not immune to the intense staring or the mumblings of words like “tranny,” “fag,” and the comments about how sick Mike must be. It was like they thought she didn’t have ears and wasn’t listening to what they were spreading around. Even her teachers, particularly her third period Algebra teacher, barely acknowledged her presence in the room out of some kind of fear or taboo.

It was making her absolutely insane.

She walked out of fourth period, afraid to deal with yet another period before lunch, when a strong and recognizable voice from behind called her.

“Chang.”

She turned around to find herself face-to-face with Coach Bieste. The woman tilted her head. “C’mere. I wanna talk to you for a few. I’ll write a hall pass to your next teacher.”

Mika followed the woman into her office and took a seat across from her, smoothing out the ruffled skirt. She felt entirely nervous. All throughout the day, the faculty at McKinley High had not even acknowledged her existence and now a faculty member was calling her into an office, actually talking to her. She had trouble looking up, but eventually did when the woman in front of her coughed.

“Chang,” she said softly. “Figgins held a faculty meeting the other day to tell us. I just wanted to let you know that you have my complete support, even if you don’t have the support of all of the faculty – or your peers.” She added the last bit with restraint and some kind of sadness. Mike understood her sadness. Coach Bieste knew better than anyone that high school student’s didn’t accept those who fell outside of the normal gender roles.

“Thank you,” Mika mumbled, softly, when she realized that she had not said anything to the woman in front of her. “It means a lot to me.”

“How’s your first day going so far?” Bieste asked, with more tenderness than Mike had ever seen her display on the football field.

“Nobody’s done anything yet,” Mika mumbled, trying to find her voice. “I mean, I haven’t been attacked or hurt, like my – like Tina’s parents worried about. People have been muttering some pretty hurtful things and I…I am really freaked out but at the same time, so far so good I guess. I just…hate that I’ve traded off how horrible I used to feel for a new kind of suck.”

“I wish I had known how you were feeling all year,” the woman said softly, shaking her head. “I know that this is one of the hardest things, but you’re going to come out of it even stronger than before, I promise.”

Mika nodded. “I know,” she said, a little more firmly, looking up. “I’m not lying about who I am anymore.”

“They told us that your name was Mika,” Bieste said. “Am I saying that right?”

Mika nodded again, this time smiling a little at the effort she was being given.

“Mika, I promise that you can always come to me,” she said, seriously. “I know that Figgins can come off as pretty…”

When her former football coach trailed off, Mika couldn’t help fill in the world, “useless,” under her breath.

Bieste smiled at that. “Yeah, pretty damned useless,” she said. “I know that Figgins is about as useless as a random pile of bricks, but if you ever feel at all threatened, I want you to come to me. You should be able to feel safe at school. I also personally promise that if you receive a single bit of harassment from any of our school’s athletes, I will have them removed from their position.”

Mika knew that though that was no guarantee, it was the little extra padding that she needed. Threat of losing their position at McKinley was the one thing that could deter the school’s jocks to leave her alone. “Thank you,” she said, quietly.

She felt like she just might make it after all.

Meanwhile Tina had never been so thankful to see Brittany in her life as she was when the girl walked into the choir room late that afternoon. Tina had claimed to anyone that asked that she was staying after school to get in some additional vocal practice, but vocal practice quickly turned to every sad, mopey song that she could think of. She was driving herself crazy. She had to get over herself and deal. Mika did not want her. She may or may not have been attracted to Tina at one time but she did not want her now. She had a crush on Sam and that was okay. Tina could deal with it, as much as it hurt. "Hi Brittany," she said. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know," she said in typical Brittany fashion. She took a seat on the piano bench next to Tina and looked at her expectantly.

Tina waited a moment for Brittany to say something. "What?" she finally asked.

"Why are you so sad?" Brittany asked in return.

The question made her frown but at the same time she wanted to vent and had nobody to vent to. She could not talk to her parents because Mika was their child too now and their priority. She could also not talk to any of her closer friends because she found herself more and more distant from those she considered closer than Brittany.

"I'm having a bad day," she finally decided on. "I'm dealing with heartbreak and it just sucks."

"Don't let your heart break," Brittany said with genuine concern in her eyes. "You really love Mika don't you?" She reached out and touched her hand sympathetically. Sometimes Brittany scared Tina, the way that she alternated being lost and ditzy and oh-so-perceptive. It was intimidating. Tina frowned and reached forward, pulling Brittany into a hug. Brittany was receptive to the hug, hugging her back tightly.

"I just love her so much," she said softly. "I loved her when she was Mike and I love her now and I don't know if it will ever go away." Tina could not handle the overwhelming presence of her love for Mika. She wanted to cry the way that it choked her. She would always be Mika's sister. "I love her."

"She really loves you too," Brittany said. "She just has a lot to figure out."

Tina finally let go of Brittany and no longer wanted to talk about herself. She thought of the first thing that would turn the conversation elsewhere and blurted it out. "Hey, how are things going with Artie?"

This made Brittany smile. She chuckled and turned towards Tina. "He's being really good," she said. "He's afraid I'll break up with him and Sam is also being a pretty good influence on him."

Tina smiled despite the fact that the mention of Sam made her heart hurt. "I don't think he's a bad guy," Tina said of her ex, not wanting to think about Sam, however good an influence on Artie he was. "He has a lot to learn but he cares about the people in his life."

"He's a really sweet guy deep down," Brittany said wisely. "He doesn't mean to say mean things, but sometimes they just slip out."

Oh, Tina knew that well. Artie's tendency to blurt out hurtful things was one of the many reasons their relationship didn't last. "Do you think he'll eventually be nice to her?" Tina asked. "They were starting to get along and get past the relationship drama before."

"I think they will. I think Artie had a silly crisis when he found out Mika was a girl. It made him sad he lost you to a girl. I don't get why that's worse than a boy winning you over though."

Tina was not about to explain masculinity issues to Brittany so she shrugged it off and said, “good," liking the answer. "It's getting late, isn't it?" Tina asked, looking to the door. She had been sitting around in the choir room moping for quite awhile.

"Mhm."

"We should get out of here," Tina said as she began to pack up her things. She gathered them up and headed out, Brittany following closely. The first thing that Tina noticed when they exited the room was a group of Cheerios crowded around one Quinn Fabray. For some reason the Cheerios were always intimidating to Tina, especially in large groups. She and Brittany nearly just walked past when Quinn huffed something that caught her off guard.

"Sam is an idiot," she said clearly, the group of cheerleaders giggling and nodding in agreement.

"Wait, Britt," Tina said, stopping just around the corner to listen.

"It makes me sick," Quinn said seriously, her tone dangerously sassy. "He worked so hard to make something of himself. He was the most popular and desirable boy in this school. He's all of a sudden decided to throw that away for some sick, twisted tranny? It makes no sense."

"I can't believe the school is letting him walk around in dresses and stuff."

Tina frowned, she didn't recognize that voice but she sure as hell recognized Quinn's.

 

"Ugh, it is so gross," she said. "I can't believe that I was friends with Mike. I mean I can tolerate gays and stuff but this goes against God, nature, everything."

"We can't let her get away with that," Tina managed and the agreement was all that was needed to send her and Brittany into action. The girls turned the corner, but before Tina could lay into the cheerleaders for what they had said, Brittany did.

"Quinn," Brittany stated boldly. Quinn turned around. "You and San make me sick. Mika is our friend and she needs us. She's really happy to finally be able to be herself and we should all be her friends and be happy for her."

"But-"

Tina continued for Brittany. "You know what?" she asked. "Sam is smart. He has the ability to think for himself beneath the desire to be popular. He's learning. You haven't and you've been through a hell of a lot more than he has. You think you'd be empathetic Quinn. Do you remember how it felt? Last year you were treated like you carried some kind of social disease. Mika is currently walking around school feeling the same and here you are contributing to it. She  
was always the one to quietly tell people to leave you alone last year."

"Tina, this isn't okay."

"You're right," she said. "It's not okay that you're spewing hate. I hope that Mika and Sam do start dating some day. He would be getting a huge upgrade from being with a hateful bitch."

Tina could have waited for Quinn to speak up and another shouting match to occur but instead she took Brittany's hand and walked down the hall with her head held high while Quinn and her cronies gaped.

"That was cool," she finally giggled when they got far enough. Though she was a far cry from the shy girl who had faked a stutter in the sixth through tenth grade, she was still shy and having an outburst at the most popular girl in school was kind of amazing and made her feel so incredibly proud of herself. "I really...really enjoy that."

"We did good," Brittany said, hugging Tina from the side.

"We did," she said hugging the girl back.

Tina looked at Brittany, really appreciating the other girl for the first time in a long while. "Why did we stop hanging out?" she asked. Toward the beginning of the previous year, she and Brittany had spent a lot of time together but had slowly drifted apart as Brittany became more involved in Cheerios things and Tina became involved in her relationship.

"I have no clue," Brittany said. "Let's fix that." '

"Let's."


	14. Chapter 14

"Hey look guys, we got ourselves a sighting of the rare he-she." '

Mika froze where she stood and turned around to find herself face to face with some of the McKinley jocks. Some of them like Azimio and Karofsky, she had expected to bully her, but some of the guys with them had been good friends with Mike. Why were they suddenly turning on Mika? It cut pretty deep but she kept calm, head held high.

"Leave me alone, Azimio," she said, clearly. "I don't have any patience for you."

"Oh, little fag doesn't wanna talk."

Mika steadied herself, because though she was afraid of them, she had more confidence then she ever had in her entire life. "You know, the least you could do was use the appropriate slurs," she said confidently. "In case you didn’t know, you’re using a slur that refers to a gay male. I'll give you a few - tranny, ladyboy or maybe the lovely he-she that you managed earlier. At least, if you’re going to insult me, do it right.”

"Never heard you with such a mouth on you, Chang," Karofsky said, arms crossed.

It was true. She had never felt that confident in her body, in herself and in her life. Now she was who she wanted to be and she was not going to let herself be bullied by these jerks. She turned to walk past them when Davis grabbed her by the arm and yanked her back. She didn’t lose her balance though, bouncing back and looking him in the eye.

“You think we’re gonna let you walk around with fake tits, acting like you own the place?”

“Yeah, we didn’t let the little fag Hummel get off with walking around all queer and proud,” Karofsky said. “What makes you think this is okay?”

Karofsky shoved into Mika and she shoved back. She may have openly identified as a girl now, but she could still hold her own as well as she could when she identified as a boy. She and Karofsky pushed at each other, until she was backed into a wall and surrounded by too many boys. She was kind of terrified, the big jock pressing his body against hers.

What kind of school was this, where high school kids got off making these kind of comments and terrorizing their peers?

“Get off of her, dickhead!”

Mika was surprised when Karofsky was ripped back by Puck, who got a good punch to the jock’s face. “I already told you once to stop messing with mine,” he said. “Just cause you think she’s hot and it’s confusing you doesn’t give you the right.” While Puck and Karofsky were going at it, the other jocks seemed to start to back off, as Puck was not alone. He had Sam and Artie with him and though they were not the most intimidating group of guys, they were turning what was a mass intimidation tactic into a bit of a scene.

Of course, Coach Beiste and Mr. Schuester took that moment to come barreling out of one of the offices. The woman grabbed Puck from behind and pulled him off of Karofsky. At the same time, Mr. Schuester gave Mika a deep look and then went after the boys who had started running away at that point. “What did I tell you Karofsky?” she bellowed. “Screw with anyone, especially her, and I throw your ass off the team.”

She gave Puck a look. “I need to talk to you too.”

Puck glowered, angrily. Mika shot him a thankful look. “The rest of you get the hell out of here.”

Mika wasn’t thinking as Artie and Sam directed her out of the way of the action. It led them to an empty classroom.

“You okay?” Sam asked.

She nodded, sitting down on top of a desk. She wasn’t going to freak out or cry or anything but she was a little dazed and confused. She hated that she had traded the insecurity of going to school every day dressed in the clothes of someone who didn’t exist for the insecurity of knowing that people hated her, would bully her and treat her like she was something taboo, not to be understood or spoken of.

“I’m fine,” she said.

“Coach is going to seriously kick those guys off the team,” Sam said, hoping that it was some sort of comfort, if the desperate to please look on his face meant anything. “She told us at practice that if anyone was caught bullying anyone, but especially you, then she was going to send them off the team so fast their heads would spin.”

Mika sighed. “That’s gonna screw up the team, isn’t it?”

Sam shrugged.

Artie was quiet for a little while. He seemed to be seriously contemplating something. After a few moments of that silent, conflicted contemplation that he seemed to be doing so well, he mumbled something, quiet but easily distinguished. “Mika,” he mumbled. “I’m really sorry for the shitty things I said to and about you.”

“Really?” Mika asked.

“Yeah,” Artie said. “Brittany yelled at me for it and threatened to break up with me and made me realize that I still really haven’t gotten over you and Tina entirely. I mean, I’m over Tina, don’t get me wrong but…”

“I get it.”

Artie nodded.  
“I’m glad some people are getting this,” Mika said, looking from Artie to Sam. “I mean…it’s not that different is it? I’m still the same person.”

Sam smiled, a smile that made Mika a little loopy in the head. “You’re definitely still the same person inside, just a lot cooler because you’re happy with yourself.”

Mika breathed, because forgetting to do so would be absolutely pathetic. “Alright you guys, I think I’m ready to go back to school now.”

The rest of the school day went relatively uneventfully, thank goodness. Coach Beiste had obviously made quite an impression. When Mike met Tina at their locker, Tina had already heard about what had happened. “Are you okay Mika?” she asked, horror in her eyes. After all, Mika being badly bullied was just what she and her parents feared the most.

Mika shook her head and hugged Tina. “I’m good,” she said before letting go. “Karofsky and his gang of goons were just throwing around some slurs and insults. Sam, Puck and Artie showed up and then Coach dropped down the fires of hell on them, quite literally. It all ended up good.”

“Did you and Artie make up?” Tina asked, obviously trying to quell her own fears by the way she was wringing her hands. Mika had often realized that she knew all the little signs that Tina was distressed about something. She was very easy to read by someone who knew her well.

She nodded.

“Awesome,” Tina said brightly. “I was hoping that Brittany was being a really good influence on him. She and I spent a lot of time talking last Friday. Oh wait, there she is! Brittany!”

Brittany waved at the two girls in front of her and came walking up to them. “Hi Tina! Hi Mika!” she said.

“Guess what?” Tina asked. “Artie apologized to Mika.”

Brittany looked very pleased at this news, her eyes wide. “Oh Mika that’s fantastic,” she said. “I knew that Artie would come through and now I don’t have to break up with him, which is awesome because I really like him and I would have cried if I had to break up with him.”

Mika chuckled. “No, I think you can keep him Brittany,” she teased.

“Did Tina tell you the way we told off Quinn for you?” Brittany asked, with big eyes.

Mika turned to look at Tina. This was the first that she was hearing of the girls telling anyone off. “No, Tina did not tell me this,” she said with a soft smile. Tina looked a little bit sheepish, blushing a little.

“Quinn was using these awful words about you,” Brittany said, obviously distressed. “It hurt me and Tina so much, so we told her how stupid she was. Oh my god, then Tina told her that Sam should date you because it’d be so much better than being with a bitch like her.”

Mika looked at Tina and had never appreciated her so much.


	15. Chapter 15

Mika had never felt like she had more friends and important bonds in her life, but at the same time she felt a little bit lonely. It was silly, honestly. She and Tina had a closer friendship then they ever had and despite Tina’s lingering feelings for her, they spoke as though they were really sisters, also Brittany had become Mika’s newest friend and was always trying to talk to her as well. The guys had been awesome too, Puck and Artie and Sam, they treated her like she was just another one of the glee club girls. It was a nice transition into being who she was.

She was more comfortable than ever but a strange depression was just hitting her. She did not understand it until a conversation on the phone with Kurt hit the nail on the head.

“You need to meet and talk to other transgendered people,” he said, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. “I know that it probably seems weird, but I know that when I first met and started talking to Blaine it was the most amazing thing in the world. It was just nice to know that even though sometimes I felt like the only one struggling through what I was that there was another kid who had gone through the same.”

“Where am I going to find any other transgendered people in Lima, Ohio?” Mika asked, feeling that Kurt might be right.

“Maybe not in Lima,” Kurt said, “but I am sure that you can find a transgender support group or something in one of the big cities, Columbus maybe. Or you could go to a pride event, or something, anything where you might meet another girl going through what you are.”

“I’ll look into it, Kurt,” she said. She figured that she really should talk to Mari and Daniel about it maybe. Tina’s mother had been doing a lot of research into things like that. Maybe she had heard something about somewhere she could meet people.

She went downstairs after hanging up with Kurt and found Daniel and Mari in the front room, sitting cuddled together in front of the television. Tina often joked that hare parents behaved like dating teenagers rather than a couple with almost twenty years of marriage under their belts, but Mika loved that. She was a romantic and she believed in love and she hoped that all loves could kind of be like the Cohen-Chang family and what they had.

“Hi sweetie,” Mari said sleepily, sitting up. She yawned and pat the couch next to her. “C’mere hun. How are you doing?”

“Okay…” Mika said softly.

“That doesn’t sound very good,” Daniel said, looking up curiously.

Mika shrugged. “I’m just a little lonely,” she admitted. “Which is dumb, of course, because I have more friends than I ever had before, but I just feel…lonely. Kurt said on the phone that I would feel better if I had someone who related to me, but I dunno…”

“Kurt’s a really smart young man,” Mari said quickly. “I think I sort of understand what he means. You’re not going to find any young people going through the same things that you are, not here.”

“Yeah, I heard there might be places I can go sometime,” Mika said shrugging, “so I’ll figure it out and I can’t really complain.”

“I’ll look into it,” Mari said cheerfully, looking to Daniel with one of those deep looks that adults sometimes exchanged with each other. Mika recognized the concern and eagerness in her eyes. “I’ve been frequenting forums for parents of transgendered teenagers and I know that I’ve heard of some stuff going down in Columbus at least. Maybe we can take a weekend trip once I find something.”

“That would be great,” Daniel agreed. “I need to check out those forums myself. Work has just been so crazy…”

Mika breathed in, a little overwhelmed by Tina’s parents as always. They were so energetic and supportive and bold. Mika didn’t really understand how Tina had ever been a shy girl with these two as parents. She had probably become shy to balance out the energy and sheer enthusiasm of her mother and father. They made Mika stare in awe.

“That would be awesome,” she mumbled. “I’ve been looking at some online sites too, you know but it’s not the same.”

“No, I definitely want to meet other mothers and fathers going through the same thing myself,” Mari said. “Maybe we could both meet our goals there.”

Mika was a little floored at the way they treated her as their daughter. “I…you guys are too much you know?” she mumbled low. “You don’t have to do all these things for me, like I’m your kid or something but you do and it’s…overwhelming.”

Daniel chuckled. “You are our kid.”

Mari nodded in total agreement, giving Mika a huge hug. “I consider you my daughter. I’m in the middle of sorting out the legal process of adoption, honestly. If your parents don’t get their heads out of their asses then I’m going to want your last year as a minor to be a safe one, you know?”

Mika swallowed. There was much intensity that she could barely handle it but she loved it. “T-thank you, Mom,” she mumbled, deciding to try the name on for size. It felt a lot more comfortable on her lips then even when used on her own mother.

“Now that fits well, doesn’t it?”

It certainly did.

She hugged her parents and could not believe how good that felt.

The front room door opened and Tina walked in. Her face was flushed red and she looked very excited. “Mika!” she yelled, practically bouncing up and down as she noticed her parents and then subdued herself a bit. “Mika. Come outside.”

Mika looked confused then looked to Mari and Daniel. Daniel looked clueless but Mari was giggling under her breath and trying not to. She hid her face in a way that reminded Mika of Tina. These girls knew something.

Mika followed Tina outside, knowing that her parents were going to be trailing quickly. When she stepped outside she saw Sam, as well as some of the more supportive members of glee club. Sam looked like he was ready to die, which was something that made Brittany start giggling hysterically, sitting on Artie’s lap and burying her head in his neck.

“Uh hi,” Sam mumbled, face completely flushed. “Although I uh-um I tried to convince people that asking someone to be your Valentine was kind of cheesy and something you’d do in second grade, other people, meaning Brittany and Puck, convinced me that I should do this. Um. Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day and we should like…go out.”

With that, the glee club did what they did best, launched into song.

Mika was ready to pass out on the spot, stepping back so that she could hold onto the door frame. It was a dramatic reaction but this was a dramatic moment.


	16. Chapter 16

When the rest of the glee club members ushered out themselves out of the room, only Brittany remained. “Did we do a good job convincing Sam to man up?” Brittany asked, tilting her head to the side. “Tina and her mom said that I could stay the night.”

“Tomorrow’s a holiday, so we figured tonight would be perfect for a sleepover,” Tina explained to Mika, smiling brightly. It seemed that she was happy for Mika, because she could not get the grin off of her face. This made it easy to smile right back at her. “You know, just us girls,” she said chuckling. “Plus, you’ve never had a date as a girl before – you so need Brittany and I to help you.”

Mika smiled, focusing a little bit more. She was in a total daze from the question Sam had asked her and the fact that she had a date of all things. She had not even been out as a girl for that long and she had a date. “Yeah, Brittany, you did a great job. I cannot believe I have a date tomorrow. Whoa.”

This made Brittany giggle and grab her by the arm. “C’mon,” she said. “We have a lot of stuff to figure out.”

They all hurried into Tina’s bedroom. Mika went to the adjoining room to go change, while she figured that Brittany and Tina could change in her bedroom. She quickly took off her wig, adjusting and fixing it before replacing it and washing her face. She had to admit to the faint blush that was still on her cheeks. Sam had just amazed her in so many ways. She could not deny that. He had gone from this shallow and insecure guy on the football team to someone who genuinely cared for her and was genuinely attracted to her, even though she wasn’t biologically female. It felt so good to be liked for who she was. Sam had been a good friend to her before but now there was a chance that it could become more.

“Oh no, Mika sorry!”

Mika turned and found Brittany staring at her. She quickly pulled up her pajama pants the rest of the way.

“Did you know that you still have boy parts?” Brittany asked with big eyes. “I thought that…changed.”

Mika chuckled, though she was a little mortified at that. “No, I definitely still have the wrong parts,” she said. “But I’ll fix that some day. Right now let’s focus on how the heck I’m supposed to make it through a date with Sam without dying.”

“You can’t die from a date,” she said, matter-of-factly.

Mika chuckled, still flushed. They returned to Tina who looked apologetic for letting Brittany get ahead of her like that. “Alright, you guys have to help me,” she said, plopping down onto Tina’s bed. “I am seriously scared now; I can’t believe that Sam would even be interested.”

“It was obvious he liked you,” Tina said seriously.

“Plus, it was also obvious that he meant business, if he serenaded you with all of us,” Brittany said dreamily.

“What are you going to wear?” Tina asked. It was obvious that there was some strain behind her eyes but Tina was happy for Mike or at least trying to be. “I think you should probably wear that purple dress we got you with the black lace trim.”

“You so are a bigger version of Tina,” Brittany pointed out. “Does she pick all your clothes?”

Mika blushed. “Well, Tina is who I admire,” she said. “But the purple dress is a really pretty one, I think I’ll go with that.”

The night went great for all of the girls, despite the fact that Mika was nervous. They talked about the date, about Sam’s transformation and about future things that would happen during the year. Brittany and Tina helped her get ready for her dates by giving her a facial, restyling her wig (and adding an off-pink colored bow, at Brittany’s request because she was “too gothy”) and then doing her nails with purple and pink swirls.

Of course, when Monday rolled around and Tina dropped her off in front of the restaurant, Mika was ready to panic. She needed help and now. She could not do this, she could not handle this, it was simply impossible. She practically freaked out and turned around but then Sam was standing in front of her, looking sheepish.

“Uh hi,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “I’m like, really nervous, but I’m going to try my best, okay?”

They went and got a table. Mika was as nervous as he was, if not more, but did not really understand why Sam was nervous. He was still the same guy, Mika was an entirely different entity then she had been the day that she and Sam first met. “Why are you nervous?” she asked, when the waitress handed them their menus, but really, this was Lima, they were at Breadstix. Mika put her menu down on the table, carefully, before glancing up at Sam. “You have no reason to be.”

“You get to me,” Sam admitted, chuckling. “I never really got why I was drawn to you when you were…well presenting as a dude, right? I mean, I knew I kinda liked guys but Mike, he was never my type, but then it all hit me when you were there and in front of us and I know that you’re going through a tough time but I really like you.”

Sam was pretty cute when he rambled too. “I really like you too,” Mika said seriously. “Singing to me and asking me out today was really nice.”

The restaurant was pretty full of other couples on dates, but Mika tried not to focus on the fact that – oh god, there were so many familiar faces around her, and instead focused on the fact that she was here, a girl and on a date with the gorgeous, sweet football player she was all of a sudden so attracted to. “I know it’s not easy to go out with me,” Mika said, as she noticed a couple of glares from her sides. “I…really appreciate it Sam.”

“Oh whatever,” Sam said, but Mika saw his discomfort anyway. She couldn’t even imagine the transition that Sam was making. Her own transition was so obvious but Sam’s was internal. He had always come off to Mika as so image-obsessed but he was slowly changing his ways, softening up, learning to appreciate things that were on the inside but not the outside. “They’re just idiots.”

The waitress came and took their drink orders, and then Mika was left staring at Sam again. “How has your…uh week been going?” Mika asked, groaning under her breath at how awkward she sounded.

“Well, without intense football practice, I’m kind of lost,” Sam admitted. “I think that I’m going to take up basketball or something, but Finn says he usually takes basketball and we are so not speaking.”

Mika rolled her eyes at mention of Finn. “I kind of miss football,” she admitted.

“I miss you being there,” Sam said. “I mean I know that being a girl you probably wouldn’t be comfortable on the team and all, but you were good, really good.”

“Thank you.”

The conversation went silent again and she blushed, hard. “How about school?” she asked.

Sam shrugged. “I’m getting done with it,” he said honestly. “Aside from football and glee there’s nothing good about it. I’m tired of feeling lost and pretending I have an idea what they’re going on and on about…”

“I get you.”

“I’m kind of looking forward to more practices,” Sam said, laughing. “I mean I know that Rachel can be intense, especially now, but it’s the best part of the day.”

“It can be,” Mika agreed. Though there were kids in glee who were really hurtful, it was kind of a safe space, where nobody could come after her and hurt her.

“Of course,” Sam mumbled, “it kind of does suck seeing Quinn all over Finn, but they deserve each other.”

Mika winced at that. She had noticed that Finn and Quinn were getting closer, but Sam was right. The way they had both treated her, they were kind of made for each other. “They suck,” she mumbled, low.

Sam winced. “Crap! I’m so sorry. Nothing is suckier than talking about your ex-girlfriend on a date. I really fail, I’m sorry.”

“It’s totally okay,” Mika said, smiling at his dorky rambling and his apologies. “She meant a lot to you and it fell apart. That’s gotta suck and kind of be on the back of your mind every now and then.”

The waitress returned with their drinks and took their food order. Mika took a long drink of hers, trying to keep herself from choking with how anxious she was. “Anyway,” Sam said, also very focused on his soda, “before I got rambling about Quinn, we were talking about Regionals. Do you think we’re gonna stand a chance this year?”

“I sure hope,” Mika said softly, shaking her head. “You didn’t see how bad it got when we lost last year. We almost lost everything. If Coach Sylvester hadn’t saved us, we wouldn’t be here today…”

Sam nodded slowly. “I still don’t get why she saved you guys, but…yeah. I’m lucky I have glee and all y’know? It’s cleared a lot up for me.”

“I’m glad…”

“Yeah, I’m kinda embarrassed by some of the things I said and did this year,” Sam admitted.

“Ya’ll should be embarrassed being seen with a tranny.”

Mika slowly turned her head, trying to keep calm. In front of their table stood a group of McKinley boys: Azimio, Dale, Strando, and Christensen. Mika groaned and shut her eyes for a second, before turning back to look. They were still there, so apparently wishes didn’t work.

“Shut up and get lost,” Sam said.

Mika looked up. “Get out of here,” she said.

“Your girl’s got a dick, Evans,” Dale taunted, chuckling like a deranged animal.

“So do you, I hear, to my surprise,” Sam said. It wasn’t the best comeback ever, but Mika’s heart swelled at little at just being defended.

“Come on, don’t you jackasses have anything better to do?” she asked.

“Fucking freak, Evans. How do ya’ll even fuck?”

Sam got up and shoved Azimio, hard. “Dude, leave me alone. It’s Valentine’s Day, we’re on a date. You guys are causing a scene. I swear I will go back to Coach on this.”

“Dating a ladyboy and letting his he-she Coach defend him.”  
“Nice.”

Strando and Christensen had to pipe up and talk too. Sam was getting pissed, Mika could tell.

“Look at the fake tits on her. I told you he was wearing em. Sammy boy’s too queer to want the real deal.”

Sam pushed Azimio back, hard. This set the other teenager off and the next thing Mika knew, her date was practically rolling on the floor with the other boy, tossing punches. “Sam stop!” she yelled.

She looked to her side, wondering if she should get a manager. Unfortunately, just when she had that thought, the manager walked up to them.

“What is going on here?”

Sam glared at the man, getting up and off of Azimio. Azimio looked over at Sam, glaring and looking as though he had been personally wounded by all of this. “These dudes kept harassing my date,” Sam said, breathing deeply.

“I want you all out, now,” the man said firmly.

Sam opened his mouth to speak but the man gave Mika a disgusted look and said, “All of you, now.”

Mika was breathless, afraid and freaked out. She grabbed Sam by the hand and pulled him out of the restaurant. She did not stop walking until they were a safe distance away. It was one of the most crippling, humiliating moments ever. It was amazing that Sam had defended her, fought for her, twice, but at the same time it was also humiliating that he even had to fight for her. “I’m sorry…” she whispered.

“You’re sorry?” Sam whispered. “I’m the one who freaked out and hit him, but he shouldn’t have said that shit.”

Mika sighed. “Our date is ruined.”

“Not really,” Sam said, tugging on Mika’s hand. He leaned down and kissed her on the lips, just briefly. It was so much more innocent then the kisses she shared with Tina in the past, but at the same time there were literal fireworks in the back of her mind. It was that good. “I won’t let it be. I got an idea.”

Next thing Mika knew, Sam was dragging her toward the local Burger King. She followed after him with an incredibly confused look on her face. She was confused. What was he even thinking? “What on earth are you doing Sam Evans?” she asked, with an amused smile replacing the confusion. Sam walked the two of them inside, absolutely beaming.

“Making this date awesome,” he said, walking up to the counter. “What do you want?”

They ordered food, Mika still not sure what was going on. While they waited, Sam swiped one of the kiddie paper crowns off of the counter and put it on Mika, which left her smiling and breathless. He was so absolutely cute and he seemed determined to salvage the wreckled night.

“Only you’re not a king, you’re a queen,” he added, smirking happily.

Sam was absolutely beaming through it all and it made her smile too. Sam had the prettiest smile, really. Their horrible junk food was ready in a minute and Sam grabbed the paper bag.

“C’mon,” he said, opening the back door of the establishment and heading to the play place. “Shh. We gotta be discreet,” he added, teasing and pointing to a sign that said NO ACCESS AFTER DARK. He climbed up the netting of the play area and sat down on top of a platform just next to the start of the plastic slides.

“C’mere.” He took Mika’s hand and helped her up. He sat next to her, facing the street outside.

“This is the dorkiest Valentine’s Day idea ever,” Mika said. “I love it.”

She definitely appreciated that Sam was a total dork and could take things and fix them, after they had gone so wrong.

She leaned down and kissed Sam again. Kissing was nice, much nicer when she wasn’t afraid of who she was.


	17. Chapter 17

“Mike.”

Mika had been going by her chosen name for so long, that hearing her birth name seemed out of place and uncomfortable. She swallowed and shut her eyes, shaking her head, when she realized that it was her biological mother who was saying her name. She walked across the center of McKinley’s campus and approached the woman, giving her a cold stare. Her father was there too. He joined her mother and looked over Mika with disapproving appraisal. Mika practically felt like she had to shiver underneath the gaze it was so icy.

“Hi,” Mika said softly.

“We wanted to talk to you,” her father said softly.

Mika nodded slowly. “Alright then,” she said.

“I see that you’re still subscribing to this madness,” he said, looking her over. She flinched under the gaze. She had hoped that seeing her mother and father at school again meant that things were ready to be repaired, but evidently that was not going to be happening. “Mike, we’re very worried about you and the way that the American system of values has begun to fail you.”

Mika had heard her father speak many times of the American value system, because he was born in China, but this was ridiculous. “I was born American,” she said, softly. “America didn’t do it, Tina didn’t do it, her parents didn’t do it. I was born in the wrong body. I was born transgendered. Deal with it.”

It was over the top and harsh but she had not seen her parents since they kicked her out of the house. She was dealing with their betrayal. She softened, feeling the beginnings of tears in her eyes. She was not going to cry in front of them. “Did you guys read the stuff that M-Mari gave you?” she asked, nearly calling Mari her mother in that moment.

“I read it,” Mika’s mother said quietly. “I do not understand it at all Mike.”

“Mika!” she practically screamed, but then silenced herself, biting the inside of her cheek. “You don’t have to understand it; you just have to accept it.”

Neither of them said anything, but by the looks on their faces, she knew they had just come to persuade her to come home and be their son again. “You guys…you guys…when Mari comes to you with adoption stuff, just go along with it okay? She’s more my parent than either of you will ever be.”

It hurt but she turned around and stormed off, stepping away from the pain and pollution, the negativity.

She heard small footsteps behind her, but they were too bouncy to be her mother’s steps. It was Brittany. “Were those your parents talking to you?” she asked, with big, childlike eyes.

“Sort of,” Mika mumbled, leaning against the side of her locker. “Those were my biological parents.”

“You’re crying,” Brittany pointed out and Mika sniffed, because she had not even realized that she was.

“It’s okay…they just hurt me…they don’t like me, I mean girl me.”

Brittany shook her head and touched Mika’s shoulder. “I don’t get it,” she said, mumbling slowly. “I mean, why would anyone be mean to their kid?”

Mika shrugged. “I guess they just don’t want me to be their daughter,” she said. Even though she knew that was the case, she tried to ease it down a little bit for Brittany’s sake, because, well, the girl was Brittany. “It’s not that sad though, because Tina’s mom and dad have taken me in as their own and are going to try to adopt me and everything. They’re the best parents ever.”

Brittany threw her arms around Mika and hugged her. She took it back, hugging the girl close. Mika clung to her for a moment, but then let go. “Did I tell you about my date?” she asked, eager to think of anything else.

Brittany shook her head. “Oh my god, no you didn’t Mika.”

She took Brittany over to the lunch tables and sat down on one of the benches. Brittany sat on top of the table. “It was fantastic,” she said, with big eyes. “It almost was a disaster but Sam saved it. We went to Breadstix, just…you know, trying to be normal, but some of the football dudes came and started saying stuff about me.”

Brittany’s eyes got big.

“Yeah, Sam got into a fight with them,” Mika said, shaking her head. It was still amazing to her though. “We got kicked out.”

“Why would they kick you out?” Brittany asked. “Sam was just defending you right?”

“I think there was definitely some…looks, cast my way by the manager,” she mumbled. “It wasn’t Sam’s fault even if he did fight with them.” Mika waved her hand a little bit and looked at Brittany, continuing. “I was kind of ready to cry you know, but Sam, Sam took us over to that little Burger King nearby and we spent the rest of the evening in their playplace, just talking. It was so romantic, especially when he kissed me.”

Brittany squealed. “Did you have sex? Some guy tried to make me have sex with him in a playplace before. It was too squishy.”

Mika shook her head, trying to hide her weirded out, confused look. “No, of course not,” she said. “It was just…really sweet.”

“That’s so good,” Brittany said with a huge smile. “You and Sam are my favorite couple ever. Except for me and Artie, because we’re awesome like that.”

“I’ll give you that,” she said, smiling again despite the talk with her parents.

-

Tina was a little surprised when Rachel approached her after school. She had been going to find Mika when she was stopped by Rachel, who usually barely spoke two words to her. “Hi Tina,” she said brightly, smiling.

“Uh, hi Rachel,” she said, glancing over the tiny girl’s shoulder to make sure she wasn’t missing her sister.

Rachel looked awkward. “Um, how are you?” she asked softly. “And how is um, uh Mika doing?”

Tina was a little surprised by Rachel’s supportiveness, considering she had not been exactly supportive when Mika came out. She had mentioned something about it messing with their chances at Regionals to have Mika around and then went into a stunned silence. What had changed?

“I’m okay and she’s okay,” Tina had said quickly. “She had a rough date with Sam the other night but other than that…all is well for now.”

“I’ve heard some pretty nasty things being said about her around school,” Rachel admitted, shifting somewhat uncomfortably. “Some of those things, mind you, being said by my ex-boyfriend.”

Tina shrugged, rolling her eyes at Rachel's mention of Finn. "She's tough," Tina said seriously. "Coach Beiste has really assured that she's not being physically abused, but the emotional abuse is just as damaging, plus off-campus, the protection has less pull..."

Rachel nodded. "I heard Sam got into a fight defending him - her, sorry this is hard..."

"It is," Tina said, unable to express how hard it was to transition from loving Mike, her ex-boyfriend, to loving Mika, her sister. "Yes, some jackass started hassling them on their date, Valentine's Day. Sam hit him and they got thrown out. Day wasn't a loss for them though."

“I, um, I’m sorry if I offended you or...or her, before. I didn’t really know anything about transgender issues and stuff, so I went and asked my dads, the night Mika came out. Before I was born, when they lived in New York, they both did a lot of activism for the entire GLBT community and they gave me some good information.”

“It’s okay,” Tina said, glad to see a genuine apology coming out of Rachel. She knew that finding out someone close to you was transgendered could be hard and create some knee-jerk reactions and she was definitely forgiving of anyone who thought out their actions and apologized for them. “I’m sure Mika would love it if you talked to her too. She’s…she really needs a lot of support. I mean she has me and Brittany and Sam who really seems to be falling for her…”

“You still love her, don't you?"

Damn it, was she that transparent? Everyone knew.

She nodded, saying simply,”a little, but getting over it. Sam is great for her."

Rachel smiled sympathetically. "I can see a girl hung up on an ex pretty easily these days," she admitted, shaking her head. "I mean, I'm a lot more over Finn now that I've decided to focus on myself and my needs - plus his being a..."

"Transphobic jackass?"

Rachel nodded. "Finn being a transphobic jackass and lip locking with the queen of horrible remarks, well it eases the sting."

Tina smiled and did something unlike herself. She hugged Rachel. "Us single chicks will make it out better than ever."

“Definitely,” Rachel said. “Oh and speaking of which Tina, I wanted to give you and Mika some information that my daddy shared with me.” She reached into her purse and pulled out some pamphlets. “If you guys can make it up to Columbus, there’s a GLBT convention this weekend. Only one of my dads can come, but I’m going to go. There is a panel on transgendered teens and a lot of booths and stuff. I’m sure that Mika could learn a lot there and feel really comfortable.”

Tina smiled at Rachel’s suggestion. “She has been feeling really isolated, like she can’t get to know any other teenagers going through what she is. That’d be really great.”

“Call me if you’re going?” Rachel asked. “Then we can hang together?”

“That’d be great,” Tina said, glancing over her shoulder to see Mika and Brittany wandering towards the lunch area. She would catch Mika after. “I think this would be a really great opportunity for all of us.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AN: Want to meet Blaine's friend Lisa for real? Well you can wait for the next chapter, where she makes a small appearance, or you can head over to joyful 's fantastic story "Pretty Girl."

Mika wasn’t sure that she had ever seen so many rainbows in her life. It overwhelmed her a little and made her laugh. The convention center was completely decked out in rainbows and just a general aura of brightness and positivity. The colorful displays of pride made her smile.

“This is really awesome,” Tina said, keeping pretty close to her side. Mika held onto her arm while they walked. “I think my parents are enjoying it too.”

Both of Tina’s parents were several paces in front of them, looking from side to side in wonder. Mika was glad that they agreed to come. They both agreed that they needed to know more about what their surrogate daughter was going through and she could tell they were enjoying themselves, so it made her feel less like she was burdening them with her issues. They genuinely cared and she knew that they did.

Rachel stood at Tina’s left side and kept looking at things. “This is the biggest event like this that I’ve ever been to,” she said. “My dad will meet us in a little bit. Kurt too, he and Blaine are coming.”

“That’s fantastic!” Mika said. She had asked Kurt if he and Blaine would come but Kurt had been uncertain, with the rigorous rehearsal schedule of the Warblers, coupled with their academics. Mika was so glad that they could come. It made her bounce a little bit more.

Rachel marched them over to a roster that was up on a display board. “Look Mika!” she said in that cheerful, annoying and yet infectious way that was so Rachel Berry. “The discussion on transgendered young people is at one. We have to go. I know that you’ll meet a lot of people.”

“That’s a great idea,” she said, eager. She was really eager to meet people, other transgendered people, both boys and girls. It would just be so nice to not feel like she was alone. She knew, on the surface, that she wasn’t, but she needed a little bit of firsthand experience. She turned around and found herself face to face with someone unfamiliar, a man in his mid twenties with a huge smirk.

He draped a set of multicolored beds with a card on it around her neck. “Come to the closing ceremonies tonight,” he said. “Date and time is on the card attached. We need more beautiful ladies present.”

Mika stammered but the promoter was already gone. “God dang it,” Tina said chuckling. “Everyone is hitting on you lately. Turns out the true you is quite a hottie. It’s the confidence, I swear, the confidence gets everyone drooling.”

“He was promoting an event,” Mika said, but she was blushing and feeling crazy confident.

Rachel’s dad arrived a moment later, so Mika stopped thinking about how good she felt and watched as Rachel introduced him to Mari and Daniel. They all shook hands and chattered happily, but Mika mostly stayed quiet. “We’re going to go with Leroy to see if we can find a friend of his, then we’re going to go to this meeting thing for parents,” Mari said, hugging her and breaking her out of her trance. “Will you guys be alright for awhile?”

Mika nodded. Tina did too.

They wandered the grounds a little bit, until they saw a booth that read, “The T exists too,” which was obviously about transgender issues. Mika was a little hesitant to walk over to the booth until one of the girls at the booth, a pretty Asian woman with a tag that read Volunteer on her shirt waved them over. It wasn’t until they got closer that Mika realized she was Filipina perhaps and as biologically male as she was.

“I love your dress,” she said sweetly.

“Thank you,” Mika said softly. “My…my sister Tina here, she helped me make it.”

“That’s fantastic,” the woman said softly and Mika could tell then that she wasn’t much older than they were. “You have some skills.”

Tina beamed softly. She and Rachel both joined Mika at her sides then. “I’m Jeslyn,” the girl said, shaking Mika’s hand lightly. “Is this your first year at the convention?”

Mika nodded. “Yeah,” she said. “It’s…my first year out, um, as transgendered I mean. I…it’s a wonderful place.”

She softened some at that, pursing her lips out. “Oh dear,” she said quietly. “I definitely feel you on that first year thing. How old are you?”

“Seventeen,” Mika mumbled, low.

“I came out when I was fifteen,” she explained. “I’m twenty now. It was…a really hard time but I’m doing better for it, you know? I definitely know how much it sucks, just starting out on the…the journey to find yourself, so to speak. Where are you from – uh and I didn’t get your name?”

“It’s Mika,” she said. “We’re from Lima, it’s…”

“I don’t even have to know where it is, to know what kind of town you’re talking about,” she said.

Mika looked to Rachel and Tina, realizing that she had completely ignored their presence. Tina smiled. “Oh Rachel, we should go see if Kurt and Blaine are here yet.” Mika knew that Tina was trying to give her more alone time to talk to the girl and honestly, she was thankful for it. Jeslyn seemed absolutely fascinating.

“I’m gonna take a break sweetie,” Jeslyn told the man at the booth with her. She nodded her head and Mika followed after her to a place behind one of the many tents. It was pretty private. “I grew up in a pretty similar town,” she said honestly. “It was conservative, just another Midwestern town. It was pretty bad there for me. I knew I was trans for awhile, I looked it up pretty young. It just…couldn’t be what happened to me, you know? Because I knew that nobody was going to understand what it meant, what I was feeling. I got lucky though.”

“What happened?”

“I came out to my family. It wasn’t the horror story I thought it would be. My parents didn’t support me at all and were pretty much horrible about it. They almost kicked me out of the house, but I found that I had been living with an angel all along.”

“Who?” Mika asked softly, thinking about how hopeless she had been, when her parents kicked her out. If someone had been there to stop them from doing what they did, things could have been so different.

“My brother,” the girl shared, smiling brightly. “I have an older brother, Chris. He’s twenty-four now and around here somewhere. He told my parents that if they kicked his little sister out of the house then he was going to give me a place to stay and they would lose both their son and their daughter. He gave them a reality check and I’m totally thankful for them.”

She smiled at Mika and then turned her head, blushing some. “Here I am unraveling and unveiling my whole life story to you and you’re the new girl, dealing with all of the new stuff, I’m sorry.”

Mika shrugged and shook her head. “No, it’s…you have no idea how good it is to hear about someone else’s story.”

“I can imagine you’re feeling a little alone,” she said, crossing her legs. Mika was amazed and maybe a little jealous at how feminine Jeslyn was. She had soft skin and a feminine facial structure, despite the way she was born. Her hair hung down into her eyes and she smiled up at Mika, just beautifully. It was obvious she had been supported and had started on hormones and such earlier, or something. Or maybe she was just naturally blessed with complete and utter beauty. “I know how that feels. I didn’t really think there was anyone around like me until I moved here to go to school.”

“I have a lot of good friends,” Mika said, honestly. “My parents kicked me out of the house when I came out as transgendered.”

“Oh no…”

“Yeah,” she mumbled, looking down at her hands. “It was probably the scariest thing ever, but Tina, she was so good to me. We’re not really sisters, or anything, but her family took me in. She was my…my ex-girlfriend, I know that’s weird.”

“You have no idea what equals weird,” Jeslyn teased, touching her arm. “I’ll tell you stories some time sweetie. “

Mika smiled a little more, feeling comfortable. “Yeah, her parents, Mari and Daniel, really they saved my life. They’re pretty much my parents too. They’re even trying to adopt me, even though I’m seventeen and everything. I just…I owe them everything. I really do. They make everything that I’ve been going through worth it, because I know that I have parents who really love me and care.”

“Are you out at school?” Jeslyn asked.

Mika nodded slowly. “Yeah, I just came out.”

“How’s that goin?” she asked, quiet.

Mika shrugged some. “It’s going okay,” she said gently. “There are some people who are horrible, but my friends are good. Actually, when I came out as trans, my…um a guy I knew asked me out a little bit later. He’s really nice.”

She smiled some and glanced over Mika’s shoulder. “I think your friends want you back and I really should be helping Danny out at the booth. Can we hang sometime?”

Mika nodded. “Here, let me give you my number.”

They exchanged phone numbers and emails. Mika smiled and waved over at Tina and Rachel, who were now with Blaine and Kurt. Kurt had his arm around Blaine and was smiling like crazy. She knew that he was just as into the atmosphere as she was. It made him feel as comfortable and supported as it made her. “Hey Kurt!” she said.

“Hey Mika,” he said. “Having fun?”

“Yeah,” she said honestly, looking down. “I met a girl just now who…yeah, really understands. That’s always helpful.”

Kurt nodded, completely understanding.

Blaine, whom Mika had never really spoken to, piped up quietly. “Hey, uh, Mika…Kurt and I were talking a little bit and I want you to meet someone today, when we find her. I have this friend Lisa, who went to Dalton up to last year.”

“Dalton, the boy’s school?” Mika asked, tilting her head to the side.

“Lisa’s, um, transgendered,” Blaine said. “She was Liam when she first enrolled. She’s the sweetest thing, you have to meet her.”

Mika was very surprised. She looked down. It was a pretty fantastic thing, realizing that she wasn’t alone. “Let’s go get something to drink or something,” she said, trying to quell her fantastic nerves. She was just nervous for some reason; all that was going on and just happening so fast, it just overwhelmed her.


	19. Chapter 19

“Are you okay?” Tina asked, as Mika settled down into a plastic chair, working at calming herself.

“Yeah,” she said quickly, dismissing any worry that Tina might have. She didn’t want the girl to worry about her. She was okay, really she was, but she was just so overwhelmed. No, she was beyond overwhelmed. It was so wonderful to have people who were just like her in the world, but at the same time it made this so real. It made it the start of a whole life of trying to manage, the same way others did. “I’m really…I’m really fine, it’s just…crazy knowing that I’m not alone.”

“I get what you mean.”

Mika looked up when Blaine spoke. She didn’t know Blaine very well, just that he was the lead vocalist of The Warblers, that he was really, really attractive, gay and that Kurt was kind of in love with him.

“Even though I knew there were other gay people in the world,” Blaine explained, “when I was a little kid I felt totally alone. Until I moved out of the bubble, the small circle of friends my family kept and actually met people dealing with the issues I did every single day, I could have never imagined it. I mean…I don’t wanna be presumptuous and assume it’s the same at all for you, but yeah…I can relate to being alone until you find someone who knows close to what you feel.”

Blaine had apparently talked himself into a hole and was blushing hard, so Kurt agreed with him wholeheartedly. “That’s why meeting Blaine helped me,” he said, looking into Blaine’s eyes. Mika could swear she saw cartoon hearts when Kurt turned to Blaine, the poor kid was so lovestruck. It was cute though.

“I truly can’t imagine what you’re going through Mika. My friend Lisa is transgendered but I never really…focused on it, thought about it. You both must be so strong. I admire you.”

That choked her up a little. “Thanks.” She didn’t know if she was admirable. She was just trying to be herself.

“Meeting that girl, Jeslyn, it…really meant a lot to me,” she mumbled low. “I mean just to know that there’s a girl out there, a young Asian girl even, who has dealt with this and has come out of it alright. It means a lot to me to even know that I’ll survive.”

Tina smiled at Mika. “Hey, I never had single doubt you’d survive,” she said. “You’re tougher than you know.”

Rachel was pretty quiet, for Rachel. She smiled and nodded. “I was always submerged in gay culture young, but even though my dad had transgendered friends, I never really knew Mika. You’re amazingly strong, like Blaine said.”

Blaine nodded. “True,” he said. “I’ve always tried hard to stay as active and aware of my community as I can, but I have to admit that I’ve ignored people who don’t fall into the “gay” label. There are a lot of other people out there who are hurting and feeling alone because they don’t fit the norm that everyone else expects. I plan to change that now.”

Rachel smirked at Blaine. “You and I could do some amazing things you know that!”

“I agree,” Blaine teased.

Mika laughed. God, Blaine and Rachel were two of a kind. She let them chatter about plans for groups and organizations that would probably never come to fruition, or maybe they would, who knew. Mika believed in them.

“You know, this whole thing kind of has me wondering where my sexuality stands,” Tina said, eyes wandering a little bit. “I always kind of instantly identified as bisexual but…there’s so much more to it, isn’t there? I mean look at everything that we’ve seen here.”

“How do you feel about that?” Blaine asked. “Sexuality can kind of be fluid. I mean, I identify as gay and am as gay as they get, but you know, now and again there may be a couple of questions.”

Tina shrugged. “I’ve liked boys, I like…girls,” she mumbled, looking at Mika sadly. “I guess it doesn’t need a label. It’s just amazing, all the thought that something like this brings.”

“It’s true,” Rachel agreed.

Kurt smiled at them. “You know, what matters is love and being with someone you care about,” he said, seriously.

It seemed that Blaine needed that golden opportunity to segue into something. “Kurt,” he said, turning around. “You just reminded me. You know the Westerville dance?” he asked. “The one that we’re holding with the girl’s school St. Andrews? Did you want to go with me?”

Kurt practically shot up out of his seat with an undignified squeal. “Yes, I would like that,” he said, with a forcibly low voice that contrasted beautifully with the squeak he had just made. They all immediately started laughing at that. Kurt was turning bright red and Mika nudged him in the shoulder. It was really amazing.

Kurt was saved by the bell, or well, the arrival of the adults. Mari and Daniel found them at the table, Rachel’s dad following close behind. “How have things been going?” Mari asked enthusiastically, taking the seat behind Mika’s and squeezing her shoulder. “Leroy gave us a ton of information that we couldn’t find anywhere else.”

Rachel smiled at her dad and hugged him. “My dads have always been amazing at helping and informing people,” she said.

The man chuckled and shook his head. “It’s not that easy to find information that can help your family, when you’re dealing with teenagers that don’t fall into the expected straight-and-narrow categories of issues,” he admitted, “especially when you live in a city like Lima. This is why so much of Rachel’s childhood was here in Columbus. I’m really glad that I could help you guys find what you needed.”

“How are you girls doing?” Daniel asked, but he was looking specifically at Mika. Mika never really understood how the Cohen-Changs always seemed to pick up on her problems, or just simply the fact that she was overwhelmed. It must have been a parental instinct of some kind.

“Good,” Tina said, knowing as well as Mika did that she was not the one they were asking about. She got herself out of the way pretty quickly.

“A little overwhelmed,” Mika said softly, “but great. I met a transgendered girl named Jeslyn today. That really, really meant a lot to me. It also means a lot to me that you guys have put so much effort to this.”

Mari hugged her close and she couldn’t stop herself from crying. Oh god, she was so overemotional sometimes, but crying just seemed like something she needed. She let herself go, everyone smiling even as she made a fool out of herself. These people were her family and god she loved them.


	20. So is mine.

The conference room was large and simply full of people. Mika felt a little awkward, but sitting between her mother and her sister, she had never felt safer.

The first speaker was a young transgendered man, older than Mika was, but not much older than his mid-twenties, if Mika wasn’t mistaken. He talked about how he identified as a boy long before he even knew the definition of the word transgendered. It made Mika think about her own childhood. She had never had any great revelations about herself and her gender identity, but deep down she had always known. She remembered playing house and being the mommy instead of the daddy as well as she remembered things that had happened in school the week before. She remembered knowing who she was before she could define who she was too.

It definitely resonated.

She listened to several speakers in a row, most of them focusing on teenagers but all of them focusing on gender-identity. Mika learned a lot in a time-span of forty-five minutes. She learned about bigendered individuals, something she had absolutely no idea about before and she learned a lot about surgeries, hormone treatments and many other things that made her wish she was eighteen, or had more supportive parents. She needed to start on a long road and soon. She had taken the biggest step but it was ultimately not the only step that mattered.

About an hour into the conference, one of the last speakers was announced. It was Jeslyn, the girl Mika had met that had such an effect on her. She waved before she took the platform.

“Hi!” she said waving. “Wow, this is my fourth year attending this conference. I never imagined that I would get a chance to speak to other people about the things that mean so much to me. My name is Jeslyn Rae Avery and I’m a twenty-year-old woman. I am transgendered. I came out to my family as transgendered at fifteen years of age.”

Mika watched her, absolutely captivated by the way that she spoke.

She told the crowd the same things that she told Mika in private but with more detail. She told them about the way she felt when she was alone and afraid to come out. She told them about her brother Chris and the way that she prevented her parents from kicking their daughter out of the house.

“My story is just one story though,” she said, when she finished retelling her tale. “I know that we have support groups for young people struggling with their sexuality but we need to make sure that there are more outlets for transgendered teenagers. Every single day I think about what would have happened if my brother Chris didn’t teach my parents otherwise. I would have been out on the street.”

Mika could see tears glistening in her eyes. “I don’t know about all of you, but I know for a fact that I would not have survived homelessness. I am proposing that we work towards a world where transgendered teens could find a place that would help them. I left some pamphlets at the door from the Columbus Association of Transgendered Youth about our shelters and outlets. I just want kids to know that they’re never alone.”

Mika swallowed, admiration filling her up. Jeslyn bowed and left the stage to the next speaker. She took a seat next to Mika.

When the conference was finally over, she patted Mika on the shoulder. “Did you enjoy that conference?” she asked, gently. “I thought that the speakers were really good. There’s going to be an open mike tonight if you feel like talking about what you’re experiencing, you know? It’s really empowering to just open up and talk about what you’ve felt. Did I give you some stuff from the Columbus Association of Transgendered Youth?”

Mika shook her head. This led to Jeslyn immediately pulling out several pamphlets and fliers. “We hold support groups and meetings twice a month and we give resources to individuals displaced from their homes by transphobia. It’s a personal issue with me, because like I said, I keep thinking about what I would have done without Chris.”

“I feel the same,” Mika said, nudging Tina with her side. Tina blushed.

Mari smiled from behind Tina. “Young lady,” she addressed Jeslyn. “That was an amazing presentation you gave. I’m Mari, Mika’s…mother.”

Mika smiled at that.

“Yes, she told me all about you guys,” the girl said, shaking everyone’s hand. “Where’s my brother?” She turned around and looked. “Chris!” she yelled.

They were approached by a handsome looking man, a little older than Jeslyn. He had dark skin and bright eyes. “Hi, I’m Chris,” he said, shaking everyone’s hands.

Jeslyn smiled, laughing lightly. “This is my brother Chris, vice president of the association,” she said. “He’s my inspiration.”

“Oh that’s not fair,” Chris taunted, his eyes shining at her words. “My sister is my inspiration.”

“So is mine,” Tina said, gently.

They all got chatty, talking about different things. Everyone immediately hit it off. Mika could not have been any more pleased with the way that things were going. As she started talking to Chris about his job at a high school in Columbus, Blaine walked up to them with a girl close to him.

“Hey Mika,” Blaine said. “This is Lisa. She finally arrived at the end of the conference.”

The girl smiled. “Yeah,” she said gently. “Sorry I was late. I’m Lisa.”

Mika shook her hand. “Mika,” she said. “Nice to meet you.”

Lisa smiled brightly. “You’re really pretty Mika,” she said. “If that’s not me being a little bit too forward. Yeah, you’re adorable.”

Mika shrugged. “Thank you. I love your dress.”

“Oh this?” Lisa said laughing. “Nah. I don’t like it that much, but I was in kind of a hurry to get here. I like your style better. You know, you two kind of look like twins.”

Mika blushed heavily at that. She and Tina, twins? Yeah, she might be able to get that comparison somewhere.

“So Blaine,” Lisa asked. “Did you finally ask your Prince Charming out?”

Blaine looked like he was going to absolutely puke. “Yes, Lisa, I did,” he snapped. Kurt turned a bright red to match Blaine’s. Everyone laughed.

Mika had a feeling that she wasn’t the only one going back to normal life a little bit stronger and a little bit happier. This was nice.


	21. Apologies and boyfriends

At lunch, Mika sat with Sam and answered his questions about the time she spent in Columbus with a bright smile on her face that she could not hide. “It went really well,” she said, leaning slightly against his shoulder. Sam took that cue and wrapped his arm around her, leaving her absolutely beaming. “I met another girl like me which honestly changed a lot. It made me feel like I wasn’t so alone and that there were other people going through all of the things that are happening in my head.”

“I’m so happy for you,” Sam said. “I’ve been thinking about you all weekend.”

“What were you thinking?” she responded, curious.

“I have to admit that I’ve never felt so drawn to someone,” he said, blushing as the words left his mouth. “It’s kind of scary finding someone so intensely important so fast.”

“It is,” she said. “I just don’t even know how to thank you Sam.”

“For what?” he asked, genuinely looking as though he did not know.

“For making me feel more comfortable in my own skin,” she said. “You treat me so well and you make my confidence go way up.”

“It’s only natural,” Sam said, shrugging. He leaned over and gave her a mischievous look. Then Sam was kissing her and Mika’s head spun in absolute circles. It was amazing, the way that his lips felt brushing innocently against hers and the way that he didn’t seem to care that people were staring and that he was kissing her in public. Sam had developed so much in the past couple of weeks, leaps and bounds away from the boy he was when they first met.

“Oh my god that is so cute!”

Mika broke away from the kiss to see that they were being joined by Tina and Brittany. Brittany was absolutely gushing as she sat down cross legged on the bench next to them. “Oh my god, you guys are the cutest couple that I have ever seen in my whole life. It’s just completely adorable.”

“I agree,” Tina said sweetly. Mika was glad that the tensions between them were slowly starting to leave. Tina was an amazing best friend and an even better sister.

“We’re not a…” Mika paused and then looked at Sam. “Are we?”

“I’d like to be.”

“Okay then we are a couple,” she said decisively, feeling stronger than ever.

They sat in silence for a little while, before Mika mentioned the first thing that came to mind which was of course, glee stuff. “Did you notice how off we were last week, practicing that one routine? I know I’ve been off my game as far as choreography but I’m starting to worry. If Aural Intensity has kept up the same showmanship that they displayed last year at Regionals then we have something to worry about.”

“Now they have Coach Sylvester on their side,” Tina agreed.

“It’s not the dancing exactly,” Sam observed. “It’s the fact that we don’t have a strong family dynamic anymore. We used to like take care of each other, even the people in glee that we weren’t close to. Now there’s this sort of divide that’s hurting us…”

“We’re split in two,” Brittany agreed softly. “I think it has to do with Mika and how people reacted to her.”

Mika flinched. It was blunt, but Brittany was definitely telling the truth. The differing reactions over her coming out as transgendered definitely lead to the divide. People were afraid of her, disliking while quietly tolerating her and it was uncomfortable. Quinn giving her death glares was particularly unnerving during rehearsals, especially when as the choreographer she worked pretty intimately with the other kids.

“Quinn’s been really driving me crazy,” she admitted. “Every time I get close to her she looks like I’m not worthy of walking on the same ground as she does.”

Sam scowled at the mention of her. Tina looked at Sam and nodded. “She has no right,” Tina said sadly. “She would be absolutely nothing without the help that this glee club gave her last year when she was pregnant.”

“That’s true,” Brittany mumbled. “She’s so mean. Mika is so amazing. How can someone be rude to her?”

“People suck,” Tina said.

“At least Finn has learned the decency to shut up,” Sam said, his voice tense.

“That’d be Kurt’s doing, I’m sure,” Tina mused, looking from Sam to Mika. “If Kurt’s isolating Finn enough, well, the cold-shoulder from Kurt Hummel is enough to get anyone to shut their mouths.”

“I hate that I cared so much what that bastard had to say,” Sam snapped, obviously anguished by this.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it Sam,” Mika said quickly. “I’m tough, I’ll survive. I just wish there was a way that we could get the New Directions family back to what it used to be. I used to really feel like I belonged there and I don’t anymore. It’s sad.”

“I think we need to come out and say it,” Sam told her.

“I agree,” Brittany said vacantly. “Being in glee used to be like a big family but it’s not anymore.”

“We should do something today.”

Mika tensed a little bit and nodded. “Maybe. Let’s see, take it as it comes, alright?”

They agreed to just take it as it came and see what happened but they were all obviously feeling the strain.

When Mika arrived at rehearsal three hours later, the tensions that they’d spoken of at lunch were completely obvious. Quinn and Finn were sitting at the opposite end of the choir room, close together. Santana was pretty close to them, lingering in the seat one level above. Mika could just feel the glares from the half of the glee club that couldn’t accept who she was.

Mr. Schuester walked in a few minutes afterward and before Sam could open his mouth to speak, like Mika sensed he wanted to, she raised her hand.

“Yes Mike…Mika…”

“I’m tired of being the cause of my family’s sudden divide,” Mika said softly, shaking her head a little bit. “I would really like it if anyone who has a problem with me would raise their hand.”

Quinn immediately raised her hand, looking at Mika as if she was daring her to defy that. Finn’s went up too, immediately after his sort-of girlfriend’s. Santana raised her hand defensively. Mercedes also raised her hand, more hesitantly but it was there all the same.

Mika breathed deeply.

“Mika, please, this isn’t a discussion we should…”

She turned to her teacher. “Mr. Schue, you’ve always prided in us being a family here in glee club,” she said. “Our family is breaking because people can’t handle the fact that I’m transgendered.”

“I can’t change opinions that your peers hold.”

“Hating me for who I am isn’t an opinion,” Mika said softly. “Quinn, you’re the younger daughter of Judy and Russell Fabray and sometimes you feel like you can never live up to your older sister. You cried for three weeks after you gave up your daughter, non-stop. You love the color purple and like to doodle fairytale characters on your math notebook.”

She breathed deeper and looked to Finn, continuing to rant. “Finn, you’re desperately afraid of driving, even though you feel like it takes cool points off of you. You always wanted a family but were scared to death when your mother married Kurt’s father. You never knew your dad but you’ve always tried to be someone that he could be proud of. You really would love to work in some kind of criminology field but you don’t feel like you’re smart enough to make the grades, even though I know you are.”

She looked to Mercedes and Santana, her other two opposition leaders, but she decided to leave them be, because she had rattled off enough and the only secrets she knew about them were far too deep to air out.

She swallowed and looked down. “I know a lot more about you guys than you ever knew about me, because I was always so quiet,” she admitted. “I’m Mika Chang, born Mike. I’m seventeen; I love to dance and want to open a studio some day. My fears include closed spaces and farm animals, thanks to a pig incident when I was five. My parents kicked me out of the house this year, but I live with my new family, Mari and Daniel Cohen-Chang, who I consider my parents and my sister Tina. I’m a girl with a penis.”

Mika exhaled and returned to Sam’s side. “I just want us all to be friends again,” she whispered.

Sam held her hand tightly in his.

Nothing else interesting happened throughout practice. The tension seemed to reach its peak, because Mika felt as though she could barely breathe the whole entire time.

It was only at the end of practice when Mika felt like she had made an impact. As she and Sam walked out of the choir room, they were followed by Finn.

“Hey,” he said softly. “Um. Things have been really tense at home. Kurt refuses to talk to me at all, except when mom makes him and uh, I’m sorry.”

Sam immediately jumped to Mika’s defense, before she even had a moment to get offended. “Your discomfort is not why you should apologize to her,” he said.

“I’m sorry,” Finn said, deeply. “You’re – really a girl aren’t you?”

Mika nodded.

“Finn,” she said. “Someone’s genitalia doesn’t equal their gender. What would you do if the closest person with gender issues wasn’t me? What would you do if Puck told you that he was a girl, or Rachel decided that she didn’t embrace either gender as hers? What would you do if it was anyone but that quiet Asian dude you took forgranted who found out she was girl?”

Finn was quiet for a long time. He looked seriously repentant. He struggled with his words. “Mika, I’m…sorry,” he said, using her real name. “I am.”


	22. Self-assurance

Mika found that the momentary bond that she created with Jeslyn at the convention center did not end there. They talked on the phone a lot and Mika was making plans to visit Columbus again for spring break so that they could hang out and spend some one-on-one time with one another. Sitting on the end of her bed, Mika told Jeslyn all about Sam over the phone. Her reaction was similar to the girls at school – she immediately burst out in “awww” and totally gushed.

"I didn't date in high school," Jeslyn told Mika, "but Sam reminds me a lot of my boyfriend Aaron. He didn't care for a second that I was trans and really swept me off my feet. I have to admit I really kind of stereotyped him at first, as someone who could never accept me for who I was but he proved me all wrong. He really, really proved me all wrong.”

"That's great," Mika said, finding that she was smiling into the phone. It was so nice to know that there were people who genuinely cared and defied the general expectation. "There are really good people out there, aren't there?"

" Sometimes true friends and more are hard to find but they are out there."

Jeslyn paused for a moment, yelling at her brother to take out the garbage and then giggling out loud. "Sorry," she said. "Chris is my brother and I adore him but he's the messiest roomie ever."

"It's okay."

"So, you mentioned school was tense. Any change?"

“Things are still pretty hard,” she said, turning the phone over to her other ear when she shifted to grab her math homework from the shelf next to her. She set it down in front, a reminder that she really needed to get to doing that sometime this year. “They’re hard but I did make a major breakthrough in glee. I just spoke out, you know? I told them that I’ve always known things about them that they kept within and that I really cared about them and hoped they could, y’know, accept me for who I am.”

“Did they respond?”

“Some did, some didn’t,” Mika mumbled. “Still, it really eased the tension, which was starting to ruin us. We have our major competition just a week away.”

“I really admire your determination,” she said. “Tell me more about this glee thing. I was a theater kid in high school, never got into the whole singing business.”

“Well, I’m in my school’s glee club and have been since last year. We’re definitely the school losers, as far as the social hierarchy goes. It makes me so happy. I mean, I’m not that vocally talented but I’m a good dancer and they always embraced me for who I was. All of those years, knowing that I didn’t fit in my skin the way I wanted to, I found peace being in glee, at least for a time.”

“That sounds really awesome,” Jeslyn said. “Is that where you met Tina?”

“Yep,” Mika said. “I admired Tina from the second we first met. They used to call us The Asian and The Other Asian sometimes, so we kind of gravitated towards each other. Lima isn’t exactly heavy on Asian students. I think there are four at McKinley altogether. There would have been five but nope, four. Yeah, four of us.”

“I felt the same at my high school,” Jeslyn said. “But anyway, what made you admire Tina so much? She seems like a wonderful girl.”

“Tina was really shy when we first met,” he said. “She was quiet, didn’t talk to anyone outside of the glee club, but there was this person dying to come out of her. She even faked a stutter for years because it kept eyes off of her but when she performed, it was so different. She came out of that and flourished in her own skin.”

Mika flushed a little bit as she spoke. “A lot of who I want to be is based off of who Tina is,” she admitted.

“Is that so?” Jeslyn asked.

Mika made a small affirmative sound.

“Be careful about basing yourself off of Tina,” Jeslyn warned slowly. “I mean, it’s wonderful to have a great inspiration and role model in your sister but at the same time make sure that you keep your individuality now that you’re transitioning into really accepting who you are and being a girl.”

Mika considered what Jeslyn was saying. She really had never figured out who she was and she had based a lot of herself off of Tina. “Is this from experience?”

“Mhm,” Jeslyn said. “I think that most people have dealt with finding their own identity but for transgendered girls like us, finding your own identity is even harder because our identities are fragile and we have to make them strong, despite the fact that people bring us down.”

She was right, Mika knew that.

“Oh damn it,” Jeslyn cursed. “I gotta go help Chris. Mika, I’ll talk to you soon.”

Mika hung up the phone after the other girl did. She knew that she really had to learn to be who she was. She was proud of who she was and she was not Tina’s double. She was who she was, an independent woman, a woman who was slowly becoming real. She was glad that she was starting to realize that.

Mika fixed her clothes for the day, a lot on her mind. Just as she did, one of the people on her mind, Tina, burst through the bedroom door, looking a little bit irritated.

“Hey babe,” she said, yawning. “Rachel’s called an emergency meeting for Regionals.”

“Well that was rude,” Mika mumbled, but she couldn’t help the small grin forming on her face. “It’s like she assumes that we’re losers with nothing to do but come to her emergency practices. I may have had some epic plans or something.”

Tina shook her head, rolling her eyes. “Hey, at least it gives you an excuse to go see Sam,” she said, poking Mika in the side. “You look really pretty by the way. You changed up your clothes a little. I love it.”

“Thanks.”

Mika got up and straightened herself out the rest of the way. She could use an emergency meeting she supposed.

When they arrived at Rachel’s house, the tiny diva had cleared out a ton of space in her family basement for the rehearsal. The rest of the glee club slowly arrived. Some, like Puck and Santana, immediately acted like they had better things to do, but it was obvious that everyone wanted to be there.

Sam arrived a few minutes after Tina and Mika had. He immediately draped an arm around her, kissed her and mumbled, “Guh you’re gorgeous. You look amazing.”

The boy definitely had the capability to make her heart drop through her feet.

The practice focused on dancing, so as she had before, Mika took the lead. It felt amazing. Dancing had always been her passion and now she found that it came to her so much easier as she wasn’t restricted by a body she wasn’t comfortable in. Well, maybe she still was in the wrong body, but at the same time she had accepted who she was as a girl, so it was much easier to do what she loved and embrace what she loved.

She helped the people who were struggling and it seemed things were coming together. Finn even gave her a smile when she helped him make one of his choreographed turns without falling. People joked about Finn but he was actually a lot better than he thought he was. He just needed to stop being so afraid.

The girls had heavier choreography in their number and Mika’s heart leapt into her throat when she realized that she was being considered one of the girls. She also loved the fact that Rachel, the same Rachel who had said having a transgendered person in their group would hurt their chances at Regionals, smiled and said, “Mika has to take the lead here, of course.”

When they took a break from dancing, Mika sat down on the basement step, yawning and taking a drink from her glass. Rachel had brought down water and iced tea for everyone.

Sam took a seat next to her, a huge smile on his face. “You did so well, babe,” he said, shaking his head. “I mean, you were always the greatest dancer that I ever knew but I have never seen you like that when you were…you know…”

“A boy?” Mika asked, nodding. “I feel different Sam. I mean, dancing has always been my life’s passion, but I was so scared to do it outside of my bedroom until glee came along. I never realized that I was also limited by my boy identity. It just kept me from being me in more ways than one. This is awesome.”

“We’re going to win Regionals and go on to win Nationals, no doubt,” Sam said with a confidence that made Mika swoon just a little bit.

Brittany, who overheard them, nodded very seriously. “My psychic friend said so and I think she’s right. We’re gonna win.”

“Psychic friend, huh?” Mika asked Brittany. “I think we definitely could win this.”

She cuddled into Sam’s side and decided that it was safe to mention a fear she was dealing with too. “You know how Rachel was kind of sure that I’d ruin our chances at Regionals?” she asked, gently.

“Baby, Rachel’s much better now…”

“No, it’s not Rachel,” she said. “I just kind of worry. I know that I’m not a soloist or anything but I am up and front in the dancing and the judges are going to realize that I’m not a biological girl. I don’t know, do you think it’ll hurt us?”

Sam shook his head. He kissed her. “Nah, don’t worry bout that.”


	23. Losers

Sitting in the backstage area at Regionals, Mika could not stop fixing her wig and staring into the mirror. Everyone assured her that things would be alright but she could not stop the acidic feeling in her throat and the way her stomach was twisting violently. She wrung her hands and ran a hand over the wig, smoothing down a piece that would not stay still. She breathed slowly. Part of her wondered if it would have been easier to perform at Regionals dressed as a boy. No, that was stupid. She was going through all of this for her right to be a girl. She was a girl. That was stupid. She had to stop panicking. This was silly.

Sam came up from behind her, putting a hand on her shoulder, just as she started to smooth out her dress. “You seem nervous,” he said quietly.

“I am,” she said, honestly.

“You’re going to be amazing. We’re going to be amazing.”

“I know Sam,” she said. “But what if…”

“Nobody’s going to judge you for being who you are,” he promised, even though even he had made a face when he saw the judges. “The new songs are amazing and we have never been better.”

He took her to the side.

“But there’s that freaky teaparty lady and a goddamned nun, Sam.”

“Come on. Aural Intensity are almost going to go on. We need to take a seat.”

Sam led her towards a seat. As they left the backstage area, she caught a glimpse of Kurt who looked a little bit disheveled. A moment later, she noticed Blaine following him, looking around and straightening his messy hair. “Oh god you guys,” she whispered, breaking into the first smile she’d managed in three days. “You have twenty minutes tops until you guys go on stage. Makeout time is later. Break a leg.”

Kurt heard her and nodded.

Mika went to take a seat close to Sam. He kept her hand in his, holding it tightly. He turned their hands around and smiled at her.

Aural Intensity was mediocre, but Sue had definitely pandered their songs to the judges. Mika rolled her eyes as she watched.

The Warblers were fantastic. Blaine had such a beautiful voice and a real command of the stage, even though the group was a very simple acapella group with a classy style. Kurt and Blaine’s duet was beautiful and literally brought tears to her eyes. This was a new world and two thirds of the judges barely batted an eye at a pair of gay teens singing a tender duet. They were going to be alright. Mika was going to be alright.  
Then it was their time to shine.

“You ready?” Tina asked, flashing Mika a smile.

She nodded. She was better than ever. She knew that they were made for this and would succeed like they couldn’t last year. There was no doubt in her mind that even with The Warbler’s classic style and Aural Intensity’s flash and being on-point they could win this.

They performed like crazy. The numbers were a blur for Mika. Everyone sounded flawless, especially Rachel, who had come into her own as a songwriter and the choreography she had orchestrated worked perfectly for the effect that they were trying to get across. She felt like she was walking on air, honestly. She had never felt so much like herself, even when she was dancing.

They were the misfits and they were the losers but they were stronger than they had ever been.

After they were done, the judges were obviously impressed and absolutely no one said a word about her. She did get a funny look, or so she thought, but she ducked down near Sam and it was all alright. It went as good as it could possibly go, in her humble opinion.

“We did so damned good,” Sam said, whistling low as the members of the club hugged each other, congratulated each other and hoped for the best. He wrapped one arm around Mika’s waist and hugged her tightly. “There is no way that we’re gonna lose this one.”

“I am not going to say that,” Mika said, “because we seriously thought we had it won last year, but I definitely think that we deserve it.”

The judge’s deliberation took a long time. Mika wandered off, away from Sam after a moment because she was so nervous. She leaned back against the wall and took a deep drink from the bottle of water she had snagged from the greenroom.

A couple of members from Aural Intensity had also chosen to wait in the same backstage area. One of them, a curvaceous dark haired girl, looked at Mika with intense curiosity and then disgust. Mika knew what was coming before she even opened her mouth, but still, she winced a little bit when the slurs came. “So, the Swallowers have a pair of fags sing a duet and then Nude Erections has a tranny right up front and center. We’re shoe-ins to win this, don’t you think, Sarah?”

The smaller blonde girl looked at Mika and nodded. “What the fuck are you?” she asked.

“Cute,” she said, staring them down. “Mika Chang, nice to meet you. Your song was excellent. Jesus would have been proud.”

“Jesus woulda been ashamed of you. What kinda game is McKinley playing?”

“Game?” she asked, chuckling.

Mika wasn’t afraid of them. They were two small females and she had a good foot on both of them height-wise. Tranny freak or no, she was better than them.

What Mika wasn’t expecting was to be hit by several grape slushies in a row. They were icy bullets, one after another. “What the hell?” she screamed out loud. She usually put her slushie-guard on when she was at McKinley and knew what to expect, but what were they doing here?

A trio of boys had joined the two girls. “Coach Sylvester said to save those for the big mouthed brunette but this seemed like a better idea,” one said, laughing. They all jeered while Mika stood there drenched with the ice cold purple liquid. It had destroyed her dress, left her hair hanging limp and she honestly wanted to cry but instead chose another path.

She punched the smirking boy in front right in the face.

She smiled to herself as her fist made contact. She had never punched a bully in her life, not even when she was a “confident” male football player. She may have been a girl but she decided in that moment she was going to defend herself.

“Mika!” Tina shrieked, coming to her side. “What the hell just happened?”

“Aural Intensity felt like messing with the competition. Rachel was the intended target but they found someone more interesting in me. It’s all good. Come on, Tina, they’re going to announce the winner.”

“Why is he bleeding?” she asked, as Mika went to quickly find a towel.

Mika shrugged. “I punched him.”

Tina put an arm around her and walked backstage. They were able to find her some paper towels but she still had to walk on stage for the announcement of the winner covered in purple goo with a ruined dress and wig. When Sam saw her, his mouth hung open. “I’ll explain later,” she said, but she did give her boyfriend the satisfaction of knowing by jerking her head towards the Aural Intensity member who had walked on stage holding a shirt to his nose.

“The winner is…the New Directions!”

Mika was overwhelmed. She screamed and cried with the rest of the group. Sue looked aghast of course, which gave Mika the biggest smile yet. A year of struggling to reach this point and they were there. Rachel and Mr. Schue cradled the trophy like it was their lifetime accomplishment but Mika just stared happily, from the side.

After the announcement was made, they headed off stage. Sue immediately approached Mika. Mika hesitated, backing up a little. “You hit him?” she asked, arms crossed. She looked absolutely defeated but there was a hint of a dark smile hiding underneath that.

Mika nodded.

“I know it wasn’t right,” she said. “But really, asking your kids to slushie Rachel in the face? Not cool. You know exactly what we endure on a daily basis at McKinley and you decide to use it against us? Tina told me about you throwing stuff at her a couple weeks back. Does bullying kids really satisfy you that much? I thought you were the one who defended Kurt against Karofsky and knew better.”

Mika paused to take a breath but she wasn’t done laying into the woman.

“I’m glad the freak was more their idea of a good target than yours. If they had slushied Rachel, I think he’d have been a lot worse off. I hope you were listening to what we were singing about today, because that was about stuff like this. Your idiot choir just proved us right.”

She considered Mika, taking a step back and then nodding. “I like your style, girlie. I’m bored with those losers anyway.”

She walked away, leaving Mika raising an eyebrow and turning around to see Rachel and Brittany, who had approached while she was ranting. “Some things are never, ever going to change, are they?”

“Probably not,” Rachel admitted. “But we won. C’mon Tina has some clothes for you.”


	24. Just love.

The ride back home from Regionals was surprisingly relaxing.

Mika lay pressed up against Sam for the entire journey, a smile on her face that nothing could wipe off. She had changed out of her ruined costume and taken off her damaged wig and was now wearing only a large t-shirt and jeans. She unfortunately looked like a boy, but she had never felt like more of a girl, no, a strong woman. She felt like herself and that was the most important part of all. She leaned against her boyfriend’s side and yawned.

The mood in the bus was just generally positive.

They had won Regionals, something they had failed to do last year, and they were going to Nationals in New York. Mika had never been to a big city and she was more than excited to know that she was going to have that opportunity soon. Whether they won or lost, this was their ultimate opportunity. More importantly than the glee victory, Mika had her own personal victory. She had stood up for herself and who she was and now felt stronger than ever.

“I’m happy,” she told Sam, as they drew closer to Lima. “Aren’t you?”

“Of course I’m happy,” he said, hugging her close. “We just won Regionals, we’re going to New York for Nationals and my girlfriend is one of the strongest people that I have ever met. I’m very, very happy.”

“Are your parents alright with you coming to the afterparty?” Mika asked.

New Directions had decided the moment that they won that they were going to have an unofficial celebration party at Rachel’s house. Her dads, like always, weren’t going to be home for the rest of weekend and they all felt they needed some kind of celebration. Rachel had been glad that her parents had both attended the show but when they had taken off afterward, she herself had declared the party, somewhat in annoyance at that.

“Yeah,” Sam said. “I sort of lied and told them that it was more of an official celebration type thing.”

“Tina’s parents are okay with us coming,” Mika said, poking Sam in the side. “They know that we’re good girls and all.”

“Great,” Sam said, running his hand over her side. “I really think that we could use a little celebration after the night that we had.”

She nodded.

They arrived back at Lima pretty early. Mika went home with Tina to grab some extra clothes, so that she could feel less like an awkward half-boy-half-girl creature and then they immediately went over to Rachel’s. It was a very quiet gathering, but everyone seemed to be absolutely high on the win. There was a little bit of alcohol flowing but Mika didn’t partake in it at all, determined to keep her promise to Mari and Daniel to behave.

Tina wandered off a little bit after they arrived to talk to Artie and Brittany. Mika found herself looking around for her boyfriend. He caught her from behind, arms around her waist and head pressed to her shoulder. “Hi beautiful.”

“Is my boyfriend drunk?” she asked.

He shook his head. “Nope, nuh-uh,” he said. “I think Rachel’s a little tipsy and maybe Quinn, but not me. I’m just honest.”

Sam may or may not have been a little bit tipsy, but she was definitely pleased either way when their lips touched in a very heated, very passionate kiss. Sam’s lips moved against hers and she held onto his shoulders to keep herself still. “You’re so amazing to me, you know that?” Sam asked, whispering the words against her lips. “You’re so strong and confident in yourself and you had the guts to punch that jackass today. I just can’t believe how in love with you I am sometimes.”

“Come on Sam, let’s go sit down,” she said, tears starting to hit the corners of her eyes fast. He was such an adorable sap and he played right into how much she loved him.

They took a seat on one of the far sofas in the corner of the room.

Mika tucked her knees underneath herself, leaning forward and kissing Sam on the lips again, enjoying the slow, sensual kissing. Sam kissed her back gently but passionately, curling his fingers against her cheek. It felt so nice. Sam kissed her in a tender manner that was totally devoted to her. He was the best boyfriend in the world. She shuddered a little. It was too amazing, the way he made her feel.

"Are you alright?" Sam asked her. She found his protectiveness so sweet.

She nodded, slowly sliding on her knees to get a bit closer. She tilted him back, slowly kissing him deeper. Their kissing quickly turned to passionate making out. Sam ran a hand over her thigh and oh no, ugh-

Mika could feel herself getting hard under her skirt. She shifted to keep Sam from noticing but he pressed up close and unconsciously shifted his hips against hers.

"Sam, stop."

Sam immediately stopped kissing her and looked her over. “Mika, are you alright?”

"I'm fine, it's just...a leg cramp."

Oh god. She winced as the words came out of her mouth. Sam knew she was lying the second the words came, she was sure. Ugh. She had always felt sick when she got an erection making out with Tina but at least then she hadn't yet understood why. She had not known then that she was girl with a boy’s body and the reason her genitals and their natural reactions bothered her so much was because she had the wrong ones.

Sam was so hot and tender with her and she honestly loved the boy. If she had the right anatomy, well honestly they'd be all over each other right now but no, she had to deal with this. She loved Sam so much and if she had the right anatomy, it would be hard to keep from dragging him up to one of the bedrooms, but now it was just hard for her to reconcile with the fact that she had a penis.

Sam realized what was wrong quickly. He was often teased for not being perceptive or smart, but he understood her.

"I know it's not the right body for you," he mumbled. "I know that you hate that your body belongs to a boy and not to you, but I just want you to know that you’re beautiful, okay? It's still gorgeous, you know? You're still gorgeous, so, so amazingly gorgeous. I know that it sucks to have the reactions of a dude, when you’re more woman than anyone I know but…but…don’t be ashamed.”

Mika tried to smile at that but totally whimpered. “It’s not fair Sam,” she whispered. She curled her knees up to her chest and turned away. Immediately, Sam was wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly. The unfortunate erection was starting to go away, but still she felt so pathetic for being caught between two worlds. “I just want to be a normal girl, you know? I want to be with someone as wonderful and perfect as you and feel okay with the way it makes me feel. I feel good, so I should just accept it, right? You make me feel loved and adored and sexier than ever. All of those things are good things.”

Sam ran his fingers over her stomach, a strangely comforting, tender gesture.

“Your body might not be where you want it yet,” he said, “but yes, those are good things. It’s frustrating when you get reminded of something uncomfortable during a good moment, but every moment we’re together is a good moment. I meant what I said about being completely lovestruck and confused by you. You bring out the best in me and I love being close to you.”

She turned around and threw her arms around his neck. “I love you, so damned much,” she mumbled softly. “I love that you love me, even my weird body and stupid emotions.”

“I know you’re not ready for anything overly sexual yet,” he said, softly. “That’s totally okay. I just need you to tell me when what we do makes you uncomfortable, okay? I don’t ever want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’ll be ready for sexual stuff when I stop popping random boners,” Mika mumbled bitterly. “I just wanna kiss you again Sam, that okay?”

Sam grinned. “Always.”

When their lips touched, inappropriate arousal was the last thing on Mika’s mind. It felt so good.


	25. Doing great.

While other students at William McKinley High School thought about prom dates and grades, Mika Chang was busy thinking about adoption and therapists. It seemed more and more likely every day that Mari and Daniel Cohen-Chang were going to become her legal guardians and Mari assured her every single time they spoke that they would get her to a therapist immediately to start working towards her plants for the future – plans that involved starting hormone treatments, going to support groups and basically proving to the world that she was a girl, not a boy. It was a lot for a seventeen year old to think about and deal with and usually when Mika started thinking, that was when her stomach started hurting and her heart started racing.

She was sitting at the dinner table with her new family when she realized that she had not seen her biological parents in months.

She frowned suddenly as the thought crossed her mind. She knew that Mari and Daniel were in contact with them while they worked out the legal mess that was their lives but they had not made an effort to see their daughter since they had seen her at the school. Evidently, she was not even worth the time once they realized that she was dead set on being herself and had no intention of changing. Mika realized that she would probably never see them again, because they would never see her as their daughter.

“You okay hon?” Daniel asked, looking at her with an expression of concern.

“Of course I’m okay,” she said softly, trying not to act like she even felt sad. She had no reason to feel as sad as she did, anyway. “I’ve never been better. I mean, we’re going to New York for Nationals in a few short months, Sam asked me to go to prom with him already, I’m going to see a therapist soon and…everything is good.”

“That didn’t sound forced at all,” Daniel said, just teasing lightly.

“I just had a thought,” she admitted, “about my pa- about my birth parents. I haven’t heard from them in several months. I guess it really is over between us. I always kind of just hoped that they would come around like Jes’ parents did when she was in high school. I guess they’re just never gonna be the kind of parents I dreamed they could be. It sucks but the parents I’ve always dreamed of, well that’s you guys.”

Tina smiled a little bit from where she sat next to Mika and reached over and touched her hand.

“We’re here for you Mika, sweetie,” Mari said, looking at her with the concern that truly belonged to a mother. She looked at her with big eyes and a sad smile. She knew what Mika was feeling better than Mika did sometimes. It was comforting to know that she had a mother and a father, despite all of this. “I know your parents really failed you and that’s not fair at all but we’re going to do everything that we can for you from here on out, we promise.”

Mika nodded. “I definitely know that,” she said, finishing eating in silence. She knew that she would always be one to over think and worry about things that she couldn’t control. It was just a part of who she was. She was just very scared of everything and everything was so up in the air.

“Mika, sweetie,” Daniel said seriously. He looked at her with an expression that was paternal, slightly nervous and very young and jovial, like any expression that came off of him. “I just want you to know that you don’t have to worry about any of the nonsense Mari and I are going through in regards to your parents. We’ll be able to start official adoption procedures soon and we’ll be taking you with us then, but for right now, try and keep that negativity as far from your mind as you possibly can.”

“Thank you,” she said softly. She certainly did not like thinking about her biological parents or the way they made her feel useless, defective and not good enough. She did, however, enjoy thinking about her adoptive parents and the way they made her feel love, cherished and respected. She looked down at her plate, which was mostly empty. “May I be excused?” she asked.

The man nodded, so Mika went to put her plate in the kitchen sink. She rinsed it off and left it there, turning around to find herself face to face with Tina. Her sister did the same, rinsing and putting away her plate. “Are you alright Mika?” she asked sweetly, softly.

“Yes, I am,” Mika promised. “I’m just very tired. It’s been an exhausting year.” It was really an understatement for Mika to say that her year had been exhausting. It had been overwhelming. There were no words for just how exhausted and strained by her situation that she was. She was content but she felt like she really needed a nap.

Tina nodded in agreement. “It has been an overwhelming year.” As she finished cleaning off her plate, Tina took her phone out of the pocket sewn into her skirt. “I thought I felt that.” Her face changed a little bit as she opened her phone and sent a message. She waited a moment, the same expression on her face.

“Tina, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Brittany,” she said, tilting her head, gesturing for Mika to follow her out of the kitchen and into the front room. She sunk down in one of the chairs and continued texting frantically, quickly. “She and Artie broke up…”

Mika frowned, her heart breaking a little bit at the thought. “How? What happened? What did he do?” Mika winced the moment the last statement left her mouth. She had to admit that she was still a little biased against Artie after he broke Tina’s heart the previous year. She loved Tina and had hated to see her as miserable as she was when they first got together as a couple.

Tina was quiet and did not answer her for a few moments as she texted frantically. Her phone kept buzzing with new texts and she immediately sent texts back. “It was pretty mutual,” she narrated, “but she’s pretty broken up over it, naturally.”

Tina looked up just as their parents were heading out of the kitchen. “Mom, Dad,” she said. “Would you mind terribly if Mika and I asked Brittany to spend the night? It’s not a school night and she just broke up with her boyfriend. She’s really depressed and I think a girl’s night would do her well.”

Mika smiled. Tina always had the sweetest ideas. If anyone could mend a broken heart, it was Tina. She was that amazing.

Mari and Daniel exchanged a parental look and then Daniel nodded. “Sure,” he said. “It’s not a school night and Brittany is the most charming young lady, I don’t see why not.”

“Dad, don’t ever say charming young lady again,” Tina said, and Mika chuckled in total agreement. “Oh awesome, she can come.”

When Brittany arrived at their door, Tina immediately pulled her into a hug. Brittany sniffled and leaned on the other girl’s shoulder. Tina then led her inside. “I knew that we were going to break up,” Brittany admitted quietly. “There are sometimes like, signs, where you know that it’s coming but it’s still sad. I think that Artie and I were really…really good as friends but we both need someone who fits us better, like a puzzle, kind of like Sam and Mika fit each other.”

When they arrived inside the house, Brittany unlatched from Tina for a moment to pull Mika into a tight hug. She hugged the girl back, before Brittany gravitated right back into Tina’s side. Tina was surprisingly affectionate, soothing Brittany with a touch to her hand, a hand in her matted blond hair. Mika had never really seen Tina as that kind of person but Brittany seemed to have that kind of effect on Tina.

“Let’s go upstairs,” Mika said.

While she changed into her pajamas, Brittany thanked the pair of girls quietly. “Thanks for letting me spend the night,” she said, sniffling. “I knew that Santana would just make fun of me for being so sad over a breakup and I know that I can always count on the two of you. I…I knew that Artie and I weren’t going to last…but I’m sad.”

Tina shot Mika a brief look before looking down at the bed and mumbling, “Breakups hurt, Brittany, even if they’re breakups that you know are for the best.”

Brittany then proceeded to crawl over to Tina and hold on tight to her. Mika smiled at her sister and one of their best friends then went to the bathroom to change herself. When she returned, the girls were still cuddled together. “Mikaaaaa,” Tina whined. “We need breakup food and movies. Brittany suggested _Moulin Rouge_ , cause she wants to cry over something that isn’t right here and now and I think that’s a good idea.”

“Brilliant idea,” Mika said smiling. “I’ll go get us some ice cream. Let’s be as stereotypical as possible tonight.”

Mika brought back the food and the three girls snuggled together on Tina’s bed to watch the movie. After that was over and all three had cried like hysterical babies, they flipped around the television for awhile. Mika curled up on one of Brittany’s side and Tina on the other, Brittany seemed to be a lot happier before the night was over.

Around one, when Mika found herself slowly drifting off to the sound of some late night show, she noticed that the other two girls were asleep. Tina was snoring lightly, her head tucked up against Brittany’s shoulder. Brittany’s arm was wrapped around Tina’s midsection and she was moving slowly closer every time Mika glanced over. Mika yawned and got up for a second to retrieve her phone. She sent her boyfriend a text.  
 _  
are you awake?_

A moment later her phone buzzed.

 _yep. what r u doing?_

watching bad tv. T and Brittany are asleep. Brittany came over. Broke up w/Artie.  
 _  
thats sad y?_

 _just did I guess._

 _She ok?_

 _Yep. Asleep and cuddling Tina right now._

 _good. I miss u_

 _Miss you too. Sam, I love you._

Mika paused, looking at her cell phone in shock the moment that she hit send. Had she really just told her boyfriend that she loved him formally and for the first time through a text message? She was so stupid. She groaned out loud, but then silenced herself so that she did not wake the girls sleeping next to her.

 _I love u too_

Her heart skipped a beat at that. She held her phone to her chest and had to contain the squeal that came out. She turned and watched Tina and Brittany sleeping, then looked back down at her cell phone. She had the greatest friends, the greatest sister, the greatest parents and the greatest boyfriend ever.

She was doing great.


	26. Chapter 26

Mika and Sam were together, sitting in the backseat of the Cohen-Chang’s car. Sam’s hand was in hers and Mari was humming lightly as she drove them into Columbus. It was their spring break and Mika had asked her mother if she would take them to Columbus to meet and spend some time Jeslyn and her boyfriend Aaron and to attend one of her support meetings. She had said yes, immediately, because she had friends in Columbus that she had been meaning to see for weeks.

“Thanks for coming with me,” Mika said softly, watching as Sam’s hand traced patterns over the back of her own. “It means a lot to me, you know that, right?” It really did mean the world to her that Sam took such an active part in her life. He was such a good boyfriend and her relationship with Sam was one of the most important things in her life. He loved her and he treated her the way that every girl should be treated.

“It means a lot to me too,” Sam retaliated stubbornly. “I mean, I know that this girl means a lot to you and I really want to know more about what you’re going through, your life. I know I’m not the smartest, babe, but I really want to know about all of the issues that are going to affect my girl.”

Mika groaned at those words, trying to will the heat to leave her cheeks. Sam seemed to be intent on killing her with cuteness sometimes but she was more than happy to deal with that. She was happier than ever and Sam was a big part of the reason why.

“God, you two are cute,” Mari gushed from the front seat in typical mom fashion.

Mika blushed heavily, closing her eyes as the redness passed over her cheeks. She was so in love with Sam and so thankful for her mother. It seemed that both were intent on making her die of blushing too. “Sam’s cute,” Mika said, rolling her eyes. “I’m just overwhelmed by all of this, so there.”

Sam wrapped an arm around her and she tried not to blush even more.

It was a quiet drive, but it seemed like no time at all before they were in Columbus and at the restaurant Jeslyn had chosen for them to meet at. “Do you see her?” Mari asked, looking around as they pulled into the parking lot.

Before Mika could answer, the girl appeared in front of their car. She waved, grinning like a madwoman. “Mika, sweetie!” she yelled. Jeslyn was not alone. Her boyfriend was with her, a dark skinned guy wearing a worn football jersey. Mika had never met Aaron before but Jeslyn had gushed about him just as much as Mika did about Sam. Mika waved back toward them and then kissed his mother’s cheek as she climbed out of the backseat. “Thanks so much for driving us, Mom.”

Mari lit up at Mika’s words and nodded. “Have fun. I’ll see you two at the meeting tonight.”

As they approached the couple, Jeslyn beamed. “Hi guys!” she said. “Sam, it’s so fantastic to finally get to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you, even though it’s usually in the form of near-incoherent gushing. This is my boyfriend Aaron.” The two men shook hands and Mika stepped forward to also shake Aaron’s. He grinned at the contact.

“Mika,” he said. “I’ve heard so much about you. I think that Jes was really touched to learn about you. You’ve affected her greatly.”

“Oh that’s good,” Mika said, blushing yet again. “She’s really affected me too. Meeting her changed my life and opened my eyes to a world that I didn’t really understand yet. She helped me in ways that I can’t even describe, you know?” It was true. Jeslyn had exposed Mika to a world of people dealing with the same issues as she was and people who felt similar things to what she was feeling on a day to day basis. Mika loved everyone in her life but there was nothing that could quite compare to someone who got it, who really understood everything that she was feeling inside and out.

“This place has awesome food,” Jeslyn raved, grabbing Mika by the arm and leading them all inside. She was such a rambunctious, excitable woman.

“That’s awesome. I think Sam and I are both pretty hungry after the drive.”

The group was immediately shown to a table near the back of the restaurant. Sam held out Mika’s chair for her and then slipped into the seat beside her. Aaron and Jeslyn took the other side of the table. It was a small, intimate café but nothing too fancy. It was nice and comfortable and Mika liked it instantly.

As they thumbed through the menus, Jeslyn touched Sam on the shoulder. “Sam, tell me more about you,” she said. “I gotta admit that it’s a pretty cool teenager who can do all that you’ve done for Mika. I don’t think boys like you existed when I was seventeen.”

Sam blushed considerably and Mika was thanking everything that it wasn’t her this time. “I, uh,” he said laughing a little bit. “I’m just me really. I’m Sam Evans, I’m uh…a football player. I’m not the smartest guy in the world. I transferred to Ohio from up south last year and I’m glad that I did because it meant that I got to meet Mika and the rest of our glee club and learn a lot about myself.”

“How did you guys meet?” Jeslyn asked.

“Well, we met through football, pretty much, but we really became friends through glee. I always admired her but when I found out about her, about the real her, she taught me so much about myself, you know?” Sam tilted his head to the side and smiled at her. Mika knew that Sam didn’t love to be the center of attention but he told it absolutely perfectly.

“I have to admit that I teared up a little when Mika told me about you,” Jeslyn said softly, touching the edge of her water glass. “I was happy to find out that she met someone who could give her so much acceptance and love. It’s what every person needs, especially someone who is struggling with their identity. Not just trans people either, just people in general. You guys have such a special story.”

“That’s really sweet of you,” Sam said, shaking his head. “I was really excited to meet you, by the way, because she’s told me so much about you. You sound like such an awesome girl and meeting you is…great.” Sam was a little bit on the awkward side but Mika was sure by their smiles that Aaron and Jeslyn thought that he was as adorable as Mika undoubtedly did. He was the cutest thing ever.

“I feel like the center of this discussion,” Mika joked softly. She met Aaron’s eyes and he smiled. He was a quiet man, she could tell, but he had a very gentle spirit to him. “Tell me more about you Aaron. Jeslyn only told me how wonderful you were, basically. You play basketball, right?”

Aaron shrugged. “Well okay,” he consented. “Yep, I do play a little basketball. I played for Columbus State until I graduated; now I just play when I want to. I’m an intern for a special needs facility not far from here and I really like that so far. I want to go into management and help people with disabilities like my younger brother Kenny. I’m getting closer and closer to that goal. I can’t complain at all.”

“That is so awesome,” Sam said.

Mika agreed. “How did you and Jeslyn meet?” she asked.

“We met at school, actually,” Aaron said, turning to Jeslyn and giving her a little smile. “I asked her out a few days after we officially met, because I couldn’t resist. We went to a hockey game. I was head-over-heels, fast.”

“Awww,” Mika gushed.

The waitress arrived while they were all still gushing over the cuteness. Everyone was hungry and excitable, so it didn’t take them long to order. “So, Mika told me a lot about glee club from her perspective,” Jeslyn said, taking a drink from the glass in front of her. “What about you, Sam? How do you feel about it? “

“I love it,” Sam said honestly. “I never imagined before I moved here that I would love singing this much, but I really do. I like performing and even competition, though it can be crazy intense.”

“Show choir?” Aaron asked. “Oh definitely. I had an ex who did the show choir thing. It’s insane.”

“Really?” Jeslyn asked, raising an eyebrow. “That’s sort of weird.”

“Yeah it is,” Sam insisted. “We’re going to Nationals in New York though, which I am really excited for, whether we win or not. I mean, New York. I’ve never been to New York in my life and now I get to go with my favorite people in the world.”

“Now that is exciting,” Jeslyn said, poking her boyfriend in the side. “When are we going to go to New York, huh? That sounds fantastic. You guys are going to have the time of your lives.”

Dinner passed without much event. The food, like Jeslyn had said, was delicious and Aaron and Jeslyn were both interesting to talk to. After they were finished, they decided to walk to the meeting. Aaron took Mika ahead, showing her some of the landmarks, while Sam lingered near Jeslyn. “Hey,” he said softly, looking at the pretty girl next to him. “Can I ask you a couple of questions?”

“Of course, Sam,” she said softly. “What is it?”

“Is there…anything that I can do for her?” he asked softly. “I mean, I’ve kept informed and read a lot of stuff about transgender issues but I just want to be the best boyfriend that I can for her.”

Jeslyn grinned, wrapping an arm around him and tugging him close. “Sammy, you already are the best boyfriend for her. She’s head over heels in love with you. Just, you know, do what you’re doing. Stay close to her, talk to her about specific fears and issues that she has. You’re already doing great Sam, I promise.”

He smiled, proud of that.

“Thank you.”


	27. Understandings.

At the end of April, Mika was able to see her very first therapist. The gender therapist was a soft-spoken dark haired man named Dr. Montgomery, who had a serious expression permanently etched on his face. He sat in front of Mika, Mari and Daniel and smiled pleasantly, though his seriousness was still evident. Maybe it was just part of the job, she mused, looking around the office. He introduced himself in pleasant enough tones though and did not push Mika to say more than she was comfortable with. She left feeling reassured and a little bit confused.

She also was hit with the most terrifying thought of all. Transitioning was a reality and a process that could very well become part of her life. She doubted everything from the moment she walked out of the office and she just broke before she could get to the Cohen-Chang family car. Her chest tightened and her head began swimming in all of the thoughts the man had placed in her head. She thought about hormones, surgery, legality; all of these things had been placed in her head and on the table at once, and although she had considered them once or twice before, they had never been so real.

Jeslyn was on hormones and had told her that she felt confusion about eventual surgery. She had briefly mentioned her thought process but now the thought process was Mika’s and she was scared senseless. She stopped, holding on to the back of a bench and quickly propelling herself over it so she could sit down before she literally passed out. It was all way too real. It was all too much. “I don’t…I don’t know what I’m doing,” she said delicately.

Mari and Daniel sprung into action, following her over to the bench and sitting on either side of her. “What’s wrong honey?” Mari asked gently. She ran her fingers over Mika’s shoulders, comforting her as best as she could. “We’re here for you, your mom and dad, okay? We’re right here. Talk to me sweetheart.”

Mika breathed in deeply and tried to speak. She found that words were hard when her throat felt closed him. “I’m overwhelmed,” she said out loud, laughing at how she couldn’t find a better word to express it than that. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. There are so many changes, changes, I hate change, Mom, I hate change.”

“I love you so much, Mika Chang,” the woman mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Breathe before you stir yourself up into a panic attack. I know that we dealt with a lot of information today, but you are completely adored and we’re right here.”

“If I didn’t have you I’d be dead,” she mumbled.

Daniel, who was often soft spoken, spoke up as well. “Mika, sweetheart,” he said. “You changed my world view, personally and gave me another daughter to love and adore as much as I do Tina. I couldn’t believe the sheer amount of stuff that Doctor told us, but we’re going to take it one day at a time as a family. We’re a family and you got me, Mari and Tina all on your side. I’m surrounded by strong women and my family takes care of each other. Your family, our family…alright sweetheart?”

Mika nodded a little bit. Daniel was right, just as right as she was. She wouldn’t be where she was if not for her family but she had her family and they were right there with her. “You’re right,” she said as the realization dawned on her.

“Would you like it if I called Tina to take the other car up here?” Mari asked thoughtfully, exchanging glances with Daniel over her head. “We can spend the day together as a family and it might get your mind off of being overwhelmed and all.”

“Yes, please,” she said desperately, watching as her mother pulled out her cell phone.

Mari quickly hit the speed dial that led to Tina’s phone, cradling her own phone against her ear. “Hi sweetheart,” she said. “Oh yes, it went pretty well but Mika’s a little bit overwhelmed and tired and I figured that since we’re out of Lima for a little bit, maybe we could have a bit of a family day. Would you mind taking the spare car and meeting us? Yes, Tina, I trust you, but be very, very careful alright? Thank you sweetie.”

She hung up and looked Mika in the eye. “Tina’s coming,” she said softly.

“She’s probably throwing a happy fit that you’re letting her take the car,” Mika said, smiling as relief washed over her.

“That is true. Let’s go head to that little café down the street and get you some water honey.” Mari rested one hand on Mika’s forehead and then nodded at her husband and daughter. “You look really pale and I don’t want you to get sick. You need to get a drink of water or, or something at the very least. ”

They went down the street to a little corner side café. Mari and Daniel took a seat on Mika’s either side. “Can I get a glass of water for my daughter first?” Mari asked the waitress, when she came over and asked them what they’d like. “We’re waiting for another daughter to arrive and Mika’s not feeling well.”

“Sure thing,” said the woman. She soon returned with a glass of water. Mika took a deep drink from the glass, thankful for the hydration and the way that it began to calm her down. She leaned back against the table, wondering if Tina would get there soon. They were only about twenty-five minutes away from home and it was a pretty calm day.

“Have you been visiting Doctor Montgomery today?”

Mika looked up to see that a grey haired man had stopped at their table and was giving them a friendly smile. “Yes, I have,” Mika said softly.

“That’s good,” he said. “Pardon my interruption but I noticed that you looked flustered and well, there’s a large transgendered community that come to visit Montgomery. He’s a fantastic gender therapist. He made it his specialty because his aunt was transgendered and he wanted to be able to help people who went through the same struggles she did. I know he seems a bit stern but he’s a fantastic man.”

“Who are you?” Mari asked, defensively.

“Oh I’m sorry,” he said, shaking her hand. “My name is William Ferguson. My son was one of Doctor Montgomery’s patients when he was quite a bit younger. After my son stopped therapy with him, I retired and began to work as a file clerk in the Doctor’s office. It was a small way to spend time and give my thanks to the man who saved my son’s life.”

“Saved his life?” Mika asked.

“Yes,” the man said. “He was very depressed. Transitioning was very rough and I truly believe that the therapy saved his life.”

Mika was quiet and smiled, trying to give her thanks, but she had a single question. “Does the overwhelmed, scared feeling ever go away?” she asked weakly.

“Yes, it does,” he said. “I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know that you’re going to see a lot of me in the future Miss-”

“Mika, Mika Chang,” she said.

“I’ll see you around.”

When he left, Mika looked to her parents and whispered her thoughts. “I’m not sure what the future brings for me.”

"Very few do," Daniel said sagely.

"I-I know," Mika said. "I just am starting to wonder what's next for me. I want to get on hormone therapy as soon as I can get the okay to do so, but there is so much more in my future that's just weird and scary. I'm not one hundred percent on how I feel about surgery, not just yet...I'm...I'm scared. I don't even know where to begin."

Mari wrapped an arm around her daughter's shoulders and Mika leaned into it. "Take one thing at a time, sweetheart," she said softly. "You don't have to make those choices yet. Slow your mind down and take things one at a time. You have so much coming up. You have prom and Nationals in New York. You have stuff with Sam and you're going to have to start doing college stuff. There's a lot in between here and then and you gotta take one at a time you know."

She nodded slowly, drinking her water.

As she expected, Tina arrived in a lot less than the expected time. She looked a little out of breath and Mari immediately gave her a look. She smiled sheepishly and then threw her arms around her sister, knowing that Mika was distressed by that weird family bond they owned. “You okay honey?” she asked Mika.

“Better now,” she assured her sister quickly

“Alright let’s get some food in here,” Daniel declared.

The waitress soon returned to their table and they ordered food. Tina rolled her eyes as she remembered something. “Mika, you gotta text Sam,” she said. “He’s been irritating the hell out of me because he knows you went to a therapist today and he’s worried, but he doesn’t want to text you himself and bother you.”

“Oh Sam,” Mika mumbled, reaching for her phone.

“He’s so caught up in her.”

“Who could blame him?”

Mika shook her head, still blushing heavily.

Their dinner was nothing special, just some café food, but it was enjoyable, spending time together as a family. Since they had all driven up into town anyway, they decided to go to the mall afterward, the adults splitting up with Mika and Tina.

Mika and Tina were in a boutique looking at jewelry when Tina turned to her sister and asked her softly, “Mika…can I ask you for some relationship advice?”

Mika stopped, putting back the bracelet she had been looking at. “What’s up, Tina?”

Tina shifted, looking uncomfortable. “Well,” she said, browsing through the displays still and not looking Mika in the eyes. “I’m really interested in someone and I kind of think this person is interested in me too right? Of course, this person just got out of a breakup and it’s not someone that would probably get a lot of approval and I’m not sure what to do…”

“Brittany likes you too,” she said quickly. “No doubt to that.”


	28. Insecure

From the moment that Mike died and Mika was born, Mika had taken extra care to avoid her body. Even when she changed her clothes and bathed, she specifically avoided looking. It bothered her and instantly led to frustration, not only with her male body but the fact that no amount of surgery could make her a biological female. She did not understand that Saturday morning why she had decided to look now, but she was looking. Her body would have been a nice body for a boy; it was a shame that she could not just give it away. It was toned and defined, decidedly masculine. It wasn't ugly, but it was hideous.

Mika wanted to get onto hormones as soon as she could. As soon as she had enough sessions with her therapist, she planned on it, but she was not sure what she thought about eventual gender reassignment surgery. She knew that not every transgendered individual chose to have surgery and she wasn’t sure what decision she would make, but still the idea terrified her. She was terrified of going under the knife of course, because who wasn’t, but she was also afraid of the potential for doctor error and the fact that she would never be biologically female and there would always be something wrong with her body even if it finally became the proper gender.

She sighed and walked away from the mirror, putting on her clothes. It wasn’t just her stupid body that was frustrating her either. The day before, at school, she had heard Santana talking to some of the other Cheerios and she had not liked what she overheard. “Sam is so dumb, thinking that he can be with her like this,” she said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. “No matter what he likes, he’s a teenage boy and he needs to stick his dick up something. He’s going to get bored of it.”

“Do you think they’d fuck?” another girl asked.

“No way,” Santana said. “I don’t pretend to get any of that tranny shit but if you don’t like your body, you’re not going to let someone screw you. Sam’s horny as hell and he has no outlet. I mean, when he and Fabray were dating he was all over her, groping her boobs and trying to get to second base. He doesn’t even have any real boobs to grope now. What’s he gonna do?”

It pissed Mika off beyond belief but she was trying her best to be non-confrontational and keep quiet. She was trying her best not to cause any more trouble that she was worth. She didn’t believe that Sam would leave her because she didn’t want to have sex but still the horrible words made her feel badly for him. Sam was a teenage boy and he did have the typical teenage boy’s libido. He deserved a girlfriend who could actually have sex with him.

Mika did want to have sex with Sam. She wanted to have sex with Sam so badly that she was literally dreaming of it at night. She just wasn’t sure that she could have sex in her male body. It seemed so wrong; just becoming aroused when she and Sam were making out had made her cry. It was horrible and she wasn’t sure that she could take it. She was not sure that she would be comfortable. As a matter of fact, she wasn’t sure that Sam would be comfortable with it. He was bisexual and all but still, he’d end up being forced into having anal sex for his first time and that was probably weird.

Mika groaned and walked downstairs. She didn’t really feel in the best of moods after all that angst and introspection. She went to the kitchen and got a drink of water. “How are you doing sweetheart?” Mari asked. She was sitting at the kitchen counter and pouring over stacks of paper and a calculator.

“I’m alright,” Mika lied, even though she had been doing nothing if not stressing out like crazy. “What are you doing?”

“Bills, bills, bills, what else?” Mari asked grinning. “I swear, things are so stressful and no offense to Daniel, but he’s horrible at math, so it’s usually less stress if I just do this kind of stuff all by myself. “

Mika sat down next to the woman and saw all the documents lined up on the table. A lot of them, well, a lot of them were related to her. She inhaled sharply as she noticed that very fact. Therapist’s bills, lawyer fees…

“Can I help you any?” she asked and well, she wasn’t exactly talking about doing the mathematics. She was stunned when it hit her: Mari and Daniel were spending a lot of money to take care of the daughter that wasn’t even theirs to take care of in the first place. It all of a sudden hurt her. “I…wow, that’s a lot of money.” Her heart fell through her chest and down to her feet. “I…didn’t know that he was that expensive.”

Mari immediately pulled the bill from her line of vision. “It’s all good,” she said softly. “Don’t worry about it Mika sweetheart. I got this.”

Mika nodded slowly and got up, but the guilt still remained tight in her chest. She was a huge financial burden to her new family. They had taken in a transgendered teenager who had been kicked out of her home, given her safety and adopted her. They were amazing but she wanted to be able to help them somehow.

She found Tina in the next room. “I want to get a job,” she said. “Where can I get a job in this town?”

Tina laughed sweetly at that, sitting back on the sofa. “This is a question that Lima teens have been asking for ages,” she said, pausing. “Wait, Mika, weren’t you planning on trying for a job at the dance studio? There’s always Asian Camp again this summer, of course, but you already know how little that pays and how little work gets done.”

Mika flinched a little bit at the memories of their relationship. It was so weird, formerly dating your own sister. Tina winced a little bit too and smiled, trying to keep the topic away from those memories. “The studio would be a fantastic idea though. You should go down and see if they’re hiring dance instructors. You’re an amazing teacher. I mean you even taught Finn how to dance halfway decently.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Mika said.

“Why don’t we actually walk down there now?” Tina asked softly. “We’ve got nothing to do until dinner time and we can at least see if they’re looking.”

“Good plan.”

The two girls left the house, telling their mother where they were going, and headed up to the dance studio that Mika, as Mike, had once frequented. It wasn’t a huge dance studio but it would be nice if they needed some help. Mika loved teaching dance almost as much as she loved dancing. It gave her a huge smile and a sense of accomplishment when someone improved because of her instruction. “Hey Christian,” she said nervously, seeing the owner of the dance studio. “Long time no see…”

“Mike…”

“It’s Mika now,” she said softly, trying her best not to fall to the awkwardness. It had spread around town like wildfire that she was transgendered and presented as a girl now, so he very likely knew, but she had not yet attended a studio session as Mika out of her nerves. “Chris, I was wondering if you were hiring at all right now. I’m really looking for a job to help my family out and stuff and you always said that I was good enough to teach.”

The man looked Mika over, considering her. “Well, I actually am in the works of hiring two dance instructors – one four our children’s class and one for a hip-hop class. You could fill this application out and I’ll call you back for an audition?”

“That’d be great, thank you,” Mika said, taking the application to fill out. Maybe she could be helpful and no longer be a burden to her family members. She went to the small waiting area where there were chairs and began to fill out the application. “That’s so awkward,” she told Tina. “I stopped coming here for awhile after I started living as a girl. He probably hasn’t seen me since.”

“It must be strange to see someone you knew looking different,” Tina agreed, “but he seems like a very nice guy.”

Mika busied herself with the application, deciding that she could also ask Tina about another one of her insecurities. “Tina, I heard Santana say something about Sam the other day at school,” she said, scribbling away. “Do you think that he’s bothered by the fact that I’m not…prepared to be intimate? I mean, I would love to be intimate with him but the idea terrifies me. I’m not at all comfortable with my body or anything like that.”

Tina smiled softly, patting Mika on the shoulder. “Sam loves you. Sweetheart, you know he’ll wait for you to be comfortable. He’s a good guy and he loves you. Don’t let Santana’s bitchy comments make you feel anxious or upset.”

“He is a teenage boy, Tina.”

“He’s also come a long way because of one thing: You.”

Mika finished the application and handed it back to Christian before giving her sister the biggest hug she could. “I love you Tina, so much.”


	29. Romance

Mika slid up close to Sam, pressing their lips together in a tender kiss. Sam was the best kisser in the world. It wasn’t that Mika had that much experience kissing, of course, but she could not imagine anything that felt better than sharing moments like this with Sam. She enthusiastically got closer just as Sam wrapped his fingers around her cheek. It felt so amazing and she wasn’t even embarrassed to be a little turned on by it.

 

Still, it brought back an uncomfortable thought. She pulled away and then looked at Sam. “What’s wrong baby?” Sam asked her, his voice very heavy with lust. “Did I go too far?”

 

Mika shook her head a little. “I just wanted to ask you something,” she said softly. “I-I heard Santana talking to some of the Cheerios the other day. She said that you wouldn’t stay with me long because you were hard up and wanted sex. I know that’s stupid, but does it really bother you that I’m awkward and not comfortable in my body? You know that I want to give you everything but I’m just not sure how it’d be. I’ll be ready sooner rather than later, I’m just figuring myself out…”

 

Sam’s eyes got big. “No, baby, no,” he said quickly, shaking his head from side to side. “I’m seventeen and a dude, I’m not gonna deny that urges exist but that’s why dudes our age make such good use of their hand. I _love_ you and literally could wait forever if I had to, because I love you and respect you.”

 

Mika shook her head and then kissed him again. “How did I get you?” she asked softly. She could not imagine being _alive_ if everything hadn’t fallen into place the way it did.

  
“Are you kidding me?” Sam asked, leaning over and kissing her, speaking only between the soft kisses. “I – am – so, so very lucky – to have you – all you.”

 

Mika slid up close and pressed her hand to Sam’s side. “You know, there are things we can do together, like other couples,” she mumbled, pressing her lips to Sam’s neck. “I love you and I don’t want you to have to – to not have what other boys have.”

 

He took her hand and held it in his. “Would you stop worrying?” he asked softly. “When the moment comes for us to have a little more _intimate_ time then we’ll have it. When the moment comes for us to be ready to go all the way then we’ll have it. Everything comes at its proper time and if it’s not our proper time yet then that’s okay.

 

Mika sighed and gave up her attempt to have a sexual moment with her boyfriend. She leaned up against his shoulder and talked, speaking idly, just trying to find a more comfortable topic. “I applied for a job at the dance studio the other day,” she said sleepily. “I really want to be able to earn some money and help everyone out at home. There’s a lot of money being doled out just to keep me around and…I feel kind of bad…”

 

“I get you there,” Sam said softly. “It’s hard to get a job though.”

 

“Yeah, hopefully I’m not too rusty, then I can get it and help out.”

 

“I’m proud of you, you know that?” Sam said softly. “I’m so proud of how far you’ve come. You’re kind of my inspiration, you know.”

 

Mika blushed at that. It was hard to believe that she was anyone’s inspiration but she was glad to know that people, especially the boy she loved so much, recognized all the struggles she had been put through and all of the things she had achieved and overcome. “I just try my best, Sam,” she said honestly. She was always just trying her best to get through and to get to the point where she felt like herself.

 

“I know and that’s why I’m so proud,” he said. “You don’t give up where a lot of people would.”

 

She leaned her head on his shoulder and broke out into a genuine smile. “I don’t know if I would have been able to make it this far without all the support I’ve had,” she said. “I mean, I have Tina and my parents and you and good friends like Jeslyn. I have glee. I don’t think that this is something that I’ve done on my own at all.”

  
Sam ruffled her hair. Mika stuck her tongue out at him.

 

“Are you excited for prom?” Sam asked. Mika was kind of thankful that her boyfriend had led the conversation towards a less unpleasant topic. Prom was a nice, light topic that was easy to talk about because she was so excited. Nothing was going to ruin that day for her.

 

“I am so excited,” she said seriously. “My dress already came in. We had it specially altered and all that stuff.  It’s really pretty and I think that I really look feminine in it.”

 

“It’s that silvery color you showed me, right?”

 

Mika nodded. Sam was so determined to make everything perfect for her. It absolutely melted her. “Yes, Sam, it is that silvery color,” she teased, nudging him lightly. “Man, I hope that everything goes off smoothly. This is the first year that McKinley has an openly gay couple, a pair of girls going to prom together and _me.”_ Mika was trying to stay positive and optimistic, acting as though she were almost amused by prom’s diversity, but the truth was she was a little frightened about it.

 

Sam saw that, immediately.

  
“They’ve really cracked down on bullying here,” he said in an attempt to offer her some comfort. “Nobody is going to mess with anyone. I would also _never_ let anyone ruin my girlfriend’s prom. If people tease and stuff we’re just going to ignore them and be stronger than them, alright?”

 

“Alright,” she said, shaking her head. She was ready for prom but at the same time she was afraid of all the millions of things that could go wrong. “I love you Sam. I really do.”

 

“I love you too Mika, more than you could ever know.”

 

“How did I get so lucky, Sam?”

“How did I?

Mika slid up close to Sam, pressing their lips together in a tender kiss. Sam was the best kisser in the world. It wasn’t that Mika had that much experience kissing, of course, but she could not imagine anything that felt better than sharing moments like this with Sam. She enthusiastically got closer just as Sam wrapped his fingers around her cheek. It felt so amazing and she wasn’t even embarrassed to be a little turned on by it.

 

Still, it brought back an uncomfortable thought. She pulled away and then looked at Sam. “What’s wrong baby?” Sam asked her, his voice very heavy with lust. “Did I go too far?”

 

Mika shook her head a little. “I just wanted to ask you something,” she said softly. “I-I heard Santana talking to some of the Cheerios the other day. She said that you wouldn’t stay with me long because you were hard up and wanted sex. I know that’s stupid, but does it really bother you that I’m awkward and not comfortable in my body? You know that I want to give you everything but I’m just not sure how it’d be. I’ll be ready sooner rather than later, I’m just figuring myself out…”

 

Sam’s eyes got big. “No, baby, no,” he said quickly, shaking his head from side to side. “I’m seventeen and a dude, I’m not gonna deny that urges exist but that’s why dudes our age make such good use of their hand. I _love_ you and literally could wait forever if I had to, because I love you and respect you.”

 

Mika shook her head and then kissed him again. “How did I get you?” she asked softly. She could not imagine being _alive_ if everything hadn’t fallen into place the way it did.

  
“Are you kidding me?” Sam asked, leaning over and kissing her, speaking only between the soft kisses. “I – am – so, so very lucky – to have you – all you.”

 

Mika slid up close and pressed her hand to Sam’s side. “You know, there are things we can do together, like other couples,” she mumbled, pressing her lips to Sam’s neck. “I love you and I don’t want you to have to – to not have what other boys have.”

 

He took her hand and held it in his. “Would you stop worrying?” he asked softly. “When the moment comes for us to have a little more _intimate_ time then we’ll have it. When the moment comes for us to be ready to go all the way then we’ll have it. Everything comes at its proper time and if it’s not our proper time yet then that’s okay.

 

Mika sighed and gave up her attempt to have a sexual moment with her boyfriend. She leaned up against his shoulder and talked, speaking idly, just trying to find a more comfortable topic. “I applied for a job at the dance studio the other day,” she said sleepily. “I really want to be able to earn some money and help everyone out at home. There’s a lot of money being doled out just to keep me around and…I feel kind of bad…”

 

“I get you there,” Sam said softly. “It’s hard to get a job though.”

 

“Yeah, hopefully I’m not too rusty, then I can get it and help out.”

 

“I’m proud of you, you know that?” Sam said softly. “I’m so proud of how far you’ve come. You’re kind of my inspiration, you know.”

 

Mika blushed at that. It was hard to believe that she was anyone’s inspiration but she was glad to know that people, especially the boy she loved so much, recognized all the struggles she had been put through and all of the things she had achieved and overcome. “I just try my best, Sam,” she said honestly. She was always just trying her best to get through and to get to the point where she felt like herself.

 

“I know and that’s why I’m so proud,” he said. “You don’t give up where a lot of people would.”

 

She leaned her head on his shoulder and broke out into a genuine smile. “I don’t know if I would have been able to make it this far without all the support I’ve had,” she said. “I mean, I have Tina and my parents and you and good friends like Jeslyn. I have glee. I don’t think that this is something that I’ve done on my own at all.”

  
Sam ruffled her hair. Mika stuck her tongue out at him.

 

“Are you excited for prom?” Sam asked. Mika was kind of thankful that her boyfriend had led the conversation towards a less unpleasant topic. Prom was a nice, light topic that was easy to talk about because she was so excited. Nothing was going to ruin that day for her.

 

“I am so excited,” she said seriously. “My dress already came in. We had it specially altered and all that stuff.  It’s really pretty and I think that I really look feminine in it.”

 

“It’s that silvery color you showed me, right?”

 

Mika nodded. Sam was so determined to make everything perfect for her. It absolutely melted her. “Yes, Sam, it is that silvery color,” she teased, nudging him lightly. “Man, I hope that everything goes off smoothly. This is the first year that McKinley has an openly gay couple, a pair of girls going to prom together and _me.”_ Mika was trying to stay positive and optimistic, acting as though she were almost amused by prom’s diversity, but the truth was she was a little frightened about it.

 

Sam saw that, immediately.

  
“They’ve really cracked down on bullying here,” he said in an attempt to offer her some comfort. “Nobody is going to mess with anyone. I would also _never_ let anyone ruin my girlfriend’s prom. If people tease and stuff we’re just going to ignore them and be stronger than them, alright?”

 

“Alright,” she said, shaking her head. She was ready for prom but at the same time she was afraid of all the millions of things that could go wrong. “I love you Sam. I really do.”

 

“I love you too Mika, more than you could ever know.”

 

“How did I get so lucky, Sam?”

 

“How did I?”


	30. Prom Night

Mika’s nerves were killing her when she entered the auditorium, Sam at her side. Prom was a normal part of any teenager’s life but Mika knew well that she was not an average teenager. She was wary of the multitude of disasters that could occur, even as she tried to keep her mood positive. Sam sensed her nerves almost instantly. “Babe, it’s going to be okay,” he assured her, holding her hand a little bit tighter. “You need to stop worrying. I am not going to let anyone ruin our night.”

Mika knew that Sam would do everything in his power to make her night wonderful, because, well, he was the best boyfriend in the entire world. He loved her and he did everything in his power to make her feel special. “You’re right,” she said, crossing into the decorated room, the music filling her ears. It was a plain, low-budget prom but it was absolutely wonderful. She smiled brightly.

Sam immediately pointed out their group of friends. “There they are,” he said. Mercedes had brought Kurt and he waved at them. Nearby, Tina and Brittany were dancing in a way that definitely had people’s eyes popping in both good and bad ways. Sam and Mika joined Mercedes and Kurt at the table.

Kurt broke into a smile. “Hi,” he said. “Mika, you look lovely.”

“Yeah, he’s right,” Mercedes mumbled. Mika was glad that she was slowly beginning to understand and be nicer. Mercedes was Kurt’s friend and Mika knew that was a great influence. “You guys look totally fantastic.”

Mika thanked her for her words and then turned around to catch Brittany and Tina again. Brittany was twirling Tina around on the dance floor. They matched perfectly, Brittany in an aqua blue dress and Tina in a darker one. Both were smiling so much that Mika smiled instantly. Mika was certain that she had never seen stars in her sisters’ eyes quite like that. The two of them were talking and dancing and it was just perfect. Tina leaned over and kissed Brittany on the cheek. They continued to speak to each other while they danced. Mika was so glad that Tina had found someone who made her happy. She deserved the best.

“It’s pretty awesome to Tina so happy, isn’t it?” Sam asked, leaning over her shoulder, watching exactly what she was watching.

Mika nodded.

“I’m really happy that she can be herself with someone who makes her happy,” she said softly. “She’s had to go through a lot with all of my drama and stuff. She and Brittany were just like a instant connection.”

“Gotta admit they’re pretty darn cute,” Sam said laughing.

“It’s a family thing,” Mika joked. “We both go for gorgeous blondes.”

“Brittany is pretty gorgeous,” Sam teased, nudging Mika in the side gently. Mika could not help laugh, she was just so happy.

Mika forced herself to look away from Tina and Brittany for a moment. She turned back towards Kurt. “Why didn’t Blaine come?” she asked Kurt, kind of curious. Since the moment that Blaine had asked Kurt out, the two were almost inseparable. It was odd to see them apart during such an important moment.

“Blaine had some family plans,” Kurt said, turning back towards her. “Mercedes and I had already planned to go too, plus Blaine’s taking me to Dalton’s prom. I am so excited for that. They’re pairing up with the girl’s school down the street and I know it’ll be fun.”

“Sounds fun,” Mika said seriously.

It wasn’t long until the first slurs were thrown their way. Mika knew they would come but she couldn’t help roll her eyes when she and Sam walked over to get something to drink and a muttered, “tranny,” was the first thing she heard. “Ignore the haters,” Kurt said supportively and Mika gave him a nod. She and Sam returned back to the table and looked around. They couldn’t find the person who made the comment but it didn’t really matter. It was just a comment and this was her night.

It didn’t hurt Mika at all until about an hour in when she heard some girls making comments about Sam. She hated when they talked about Sam. She hated that comments and slurs had to mess with Sam’s prom because he was an awesome boy and didn’t deserve this at all. However, Sam simply rolled his eyes and asked her if she wanted to dance. She had never met a more genuine boy in her life. Of course, she said yes.

“Good, now c’mon,” he urged, pulling her out onto the floor.

Mika forgot about all the hateful words and slurs the moment that Sam pulled her onto the dance floor. She wasn’t much for school dances in the past but this one meant so much. Prom was supposed to be one of those big, normal high school experiences and here she was having an amazing one. It was also such a relief after all of the pressure that she had been under. She didn’t have to be anything in that moment except Sam’s girlfriend and a high school girl enjoying her prom. It was perfect. Sam twirled her around and she clung to him. Sure, their height differences made for a slightly awkward experience but they worked it.

She looked over her boyfriend’s shoulder and saw Finn and Quinn dancing together. On their side, Puck was dancing with Rachel. Weird, they had apparently become pretty good friends in the last couple of months. Rachel actually looked very happy and Mika loved that. She wanted to see her friends happy, whether it was their relationship, their friendships, themselves or a mix of all three that made them so happy.

“Look at Artie,” Sam pointed out, laughing softly.

Mika turned around and looked at what Sam pointed out. Oh, that was interesting. Artie was definitely having fun with several girls from school, flirting off to the side. Apparently, a breakup with Brittany Pierce gave some badass credit at McKinley. Artie looked happy and for that Mika was glad. She knew that the breakup with Brittany was tough.

The rest of the night was fabulous.

When Quinn and Finn were named Prom King and Queen, nobody was surprised. Mika clapped and cheered with the rest of her friends, having forgiven both of them for the way she was treated. What really surprised Mika was the approach of a small girl with red hair that he didn’t recognize. “Hi,” she said softly. “I know that you don’t know me. My name is Kara, I’m a sophomore. My boyfriend’s a junior and asked me.”

“Oh…uh hi,” she said, not sure why she was having this conversation.

“I just wanted to let you know that you should have been Prom Queen, not Quinn Fabray,” she said, shaking her head a little bit. “I know that if I was a junior this year, I would have voted for you.”

“Um, if I don’t know you,” she mumbled, “then how do you know me?”

“I’m a journalism student,” she said with a bright smile. “McKinley also has a lot of gossip. You’re Mika Chang. I admire you and your determination to be yourself despite the hate of this school very much. I know that people are quiet about their opinions here for fear of retaliation but you should know; you’re kind of a symbol of bravery to a lot of students. It’s…pretty big.”

Mika was absolutely rendered speechless by those words. She knew that she had done a lot of brave things and had to stick up for herself if she wanted to survive, but she definitely did not think of herself as a symbol of bravery for McKinley High School. When the girl left to return to her boyfriend’s side, Mika looked at Sam. “Did you hear that?” she asked, laughing.

“I did,” Sam said; he had a smile on his face that was absolutely indescribable. He looked so incredibly happy to hear what he had just heard. “I think she’s right. You’re an inspiration babe.”

Tina and Brittany returned from their dancing and Brittany tilted her head to the side. “Mika, your face is red,” she said. “What’s going on?” She and Tina both sat down at the table. Mika tried to find her words to explain but found that very difficult.

“A girl just came up here and told Mika she should have been voted Prom Queen,” Sam said, smiling at his girlfriend fondly. “She’s totally right, of course. She said that people around McKinley were kind of quiet about it, but Mika’s really inspired a lot of people here to learn to be themselves. I can say firsthand that she’s done it to me, so that girl is so right.”

Mika blushed.

“You two would have made the best Prom King and Queen,” Brittany said dreamily.

“Agreed,” Tina said.

Mika rolled her eyes but leaned over and kissed her boyfriend all the same. She wasn’t the Prom Queen but she felt like a queen of some kind.

While many high school students experienced some kind of sleazy attempt at intimacy on prom night, Mika was taken home by her boyfriend. They arrived home before Brittany and Tina did and of course, Mari and Daniel had a lot of questions. “It was wonderful,” Mika said softly, shaking her head a little. “There were a few setbacks but Sam is wonderful. Everyone had a great time and…I can’t even describe it.”

Sam smiled at her parents.

“I can describe it,” Sam said. “It was as wonderful as my girlfriend.”


	31. Moving on

Mika was always a little nervous to see her therapist but the session was at least pretty casual this time. The doctor sat in front of her and listened very intently. “How was prom, Mika?” he asked, recalling that she had told him about it in her last session. He leaned back in his chair and looked her over. “It did already pass, right?”

“Yes, it did,” she said.

“Well, how did it go?” he asked with the intensity of someone who was genuinely curious but the formality of a doctor.

“It was amazing,” Mika whispered, the memories all flooding back to her. “There was some teasing and name calling and stuff, but nobody hurt us or anything. We were safe the entire time. Sam and I had a fantastic time. I got a lot of support from my friends and from my boyfriend. Oh and there was this girl there, whom I never met, who told me that she found me inspiring. She said that I should have won Prom Queen, which is silly, but it was really fantastic to be told that I inspired her and that well, that maybe I’m inspiring some people around my school, even if they’re afraid to speak up about it.”

She shook her head, still in awe of the moment she had at prom. “It was amazing,” she said softly. “Sam is the sweetest boyfriend that any girl could ask for. He was sweet, respectful and he made it a night that I will never forget in my entire life. It was absolutely, positively unforgettable.”

“Tell me a little more about this Sam,” the doctor said softly. “He seems to be a very positive influence on your life.”

“Oh he most definitely is,” Mika said softly. “He’s supportive and loving and has done absolutely everything in his power to learn about transgender issues. He adores me and treats me well and doesn’t pressure me.” She blushed as she blurted that out but it was one of the sweetest things about her boyfriend. “He’s someone that I really feel like I can talk to. I would be petrified to go to New York next month if Sam wasn’t there with me.”

"I bet you're excited for New York," the doctor said. He smiled at Mika, but still his severity and sternness remained. She wasn't sure that she had ever visited him when he was not serious in some manner. It was intimidating.

"I am," she said honestly, her excitement probably evident from a mile away. There was still, however, a sort of hesitance that she could not hide from him. "I'm a little nervous because it's been a long time since I traveled like that."

"Are you afraid to be separated from Mari and Daniel?"

Mike nodded. "Y-yeah I am," she admitted. "I mean, I have Tina and Sam and that's so, so comforting but Mari and Daniel are why I haven't gone crazy. It's kind of scary imagining something happening in New York and not being able to go to them for help."

“Do you feel that you rely heavily on them?” the man asked.

Mika laughed softly, because to say that she relied on Mari and Daniel was simply the understatement of the century. “Yes, I do,” she said softly. “They saved me when I was at a breaking point. I mean I got to the point where I had to be honest about who I was and my parents abandoned me. They became my parents in an instant really and I’d be nowhere without them.”

“Do you have an ability to stay in contact while you’re gone?”

Mika nodded. “Yes,” she said softly. “It’s only a little over a week. I need to stop being silly. It’s going to be amazing.”

“This Sam will be with you, correct?”

“Yes and my sister Tina.”

The rest of the session was pretty standard to Mika, more talking about her body and her issues with gender identity. It kind of bored her this time because her mind was entirely focused on the upcoming trip. They were going to dominate at Nationals and have the time of their lives. They deserved this and this was her moment.

Mari helped her pack that evening. Looking to Mari as she loaded up a small suitcase with her possessions, Mika frowned some. “Mom,” she said, no longer uncomfortable to call the older woman her mother. “Can I tell you something that you might think is a little stupid?”

“Of course Mika,” Mari said, stopping in what she was doing. “Of course, you know that I would never think anything that my daughter told me was stupid.”

“I’m really nervous about New York,” she said softly. “I was talking to the doctor about it today. I’m just, I’m really excited but really nervous all the same.”

Mari stopped in her packing and sat down on the end of the bed. She pat the spot next to her for Mika to come sit. Mika sat down next to her mother and Mari gently rubbed her shoulder. “What are you scared of?” she asked gently.

“A lot of stuff,” she admitted quietly. “I’m scared of being away from you guys, because well, ever since I was kicked out of my house, you’ve become my parents and have always been there with me. I’m also really scared that something might happen. I mean, during our last major competition I was bullied pretty badly. Who’s to say that something similar won’t happen at Nationals, especially since we’re facing Vocal Adrenaline? They’re sort of the most ruthless choir out there.”

“Oh sweetie,” the woman said, wrapping her arms around Mika in a tight, motherly hug. Mika hugged her back, still feeling silly for having so many worries.

“I just don’t want to ruin Nationals for glee. Maybe I shouldn’t even be there…”

“Now, now,” the woman scolded. “You know as well as I do that your friends need you there. I know that you’re scared, sweetie, but you are one of the bravest people that I know and everything is going to be alright. We’re just a phone call away and both Tina and Sam are going to be on your side. Daniel also called that instructor of yours the other day to make sure you and Tina could room together to be safe.”

Mika sniffled a little. “I know I’m pathetic,” she whispered.

“You’re not pathetic,” the woman said softly. “You’ve just seen darkness to things that no young woman should have to.”

Mika nodded.

“Be careful though,” Mari warned. “I know that the city is much more accepting in general but there are also a lot of dangerous things that could happen, not just to you, but to any child in that group. Stick close to Mr. Schuester and take all of his instructions. If you go anywhere without him then I want you to have both Tina and Sam with you, at the very least.”

“Of course, Mom.”

“Isn’t your audition tomorrow?” Mari asked, as she resumed helping Mika put things into her suitcase.

“Yes, it is,” Mika said. “The studio said that if I got the job it wouldn’t start until Nationals were over. I really hope I get it.”

“You will,” Mari said confidently. “Oh Mika I’m so proud of you.”

“I love you Mom.”

The audition the next day went wonderfully. It had been hard to transition back into her love of dance now that she was Mika rather than Mike, but she found that it flowed naturally. The entire glee club was right when they said that Mika was a better dancer than Mike. She was herself, free and comfortable in the body she belonged in. She moved freely and with a fluidity that Mike could have never accomplished.

She was easily the best dancer there and that was not a matter of pride or anything like it. She just had never felt so alive in her own skin. “Wow,” the owner said, clapping his hands in surprise when she finished. “Mike…that was fantastic.”

She didn’t even bother to correct him about her name. She knew it was. Her confidence soared. She could take on the world and she sure as hell could take on New York City.


	32. Where dreams are made of.

Mika had never been in a place quite like New York City. It was everything that she hoped it would be at the beginning of the year when New Directions began to dream of Nationals. When the plane landed and the luggage was sorted, Mika breathed a sigh of relief and stayed as close to Sam as she possibly could. Too much was going on at once and it was sort of making her feel lightheaded. “This is so overwhelming,” she said, leaning up close to Sam and smiling. She could tell that her boyfriend was overwhelmed too. He hadn’t been anywhere like this either. “I can’t believe we finally made it.”

“I knew we would,” Sam said seriously, nodding. Mika always loved the way that Sam held confidence. He held confidence in things she was still learning to. He believed in New Directions, believed in love and believed in her. There was a reason that she was in love with him and he was her inspiration. “Especially once we learned how to come together as a group. This was pretty well earned.”

Mika nodded quickly. “You have no idea,” she said softly. “I mean, last year, being defeated by Vocal Adrenaline was tough on everyone. They were incredible but at the same time they were also ruthless. Now we can actually show them all what we’re made of. I’m excited.” She took in a deep breath and smiled. “They are not at all prepared to face us again.”

“You okay?” he asked gently.

“I definitely am,” Mika said cheerfully. “I’m just really not used to dealing with so many feelings at once.” That was it. She was dealing with way too many feelings at once and they were making her lightheaded. Judging by the excited, dazed looks on her friend’s faces, she knew that they were to. This was it.

“I’m not either,” he said, shaking his head. “I never imagined something like this, even when Finn tried to tempt me with New York in the beginning. I guess it goes to show that a couple of kids who really want something can get it.”

“I guess it does,” she agreed, taking her boyfriend’s hand proudly.

“Alright, c’mon kids, we have to catch the taxis to the hotel,” Mr. Schuester said, quieting them. Mika had to admire the man in that moment because there were very few people who could calm a group of sheltered Ohio kids who had made the big time and entered New York City, something they had dreamed of all year.

They got to the hotel pretty quickly, everyone eager to change and clean up after the long trip. Mika kissed Sam on the cheek and then went to the room she shared with Tina to change. She changed her clothes very carefully, pulling each item out of the bag she’d packed. She wanted to look as girly as she possibly could. After some deliberating, she finally decided on a light green top with a pleated skirt in a darker shade. “Do you like this?” she asked Tina, always relying on her sister’s fashion advice.

“I love it,” Tina said brightly.

“Will you…um, help me do my makeup?” she asked. Usually, she did her own without any problem but Tina was so good at it and she just really, really wanted to look like a pretty girl. It was important for her self-esteem sometimes. She felt like anything could happen in New York City and wanted to feel like the girl she was, beautiful and ready to take on it at all. She waited for Tina’s answer.

“Of course,” Tina said. “Let me get dressed and I’ll do that for you.”

Both girls got dressed quickly. Tina then found the small travel sized makeup case she’d brought and beckoned Mika over to the bed. Mika sat down and Tina began to apply the makeup to her face. “You really look great,” Tina said, tuning into the fact that Mika needed that confidence. She brushed some sparkly eye shadow on last. “We’re in New York; you need some sparkle,” she explained. “Look at us, two gorgeous women taking on New York City.”

The competition wasn’t for two days after their arrival, so they went out to dinner at a nice restaurant that night. They seemed out of place, to a degree, a group of thirteen kids and their advisor, but they’d all taken the opportunity to dress up and look their best. Mika had to admit that she felt very special, very privileged. She was well aware that being in New York, even if they lost Nationals in a miserable way, was the opportunity of a lifetime and she was not in any way going to take it for granted.

“This is kind of awesome,” she told Sam, glancing down at the menu. It was a little bit expensive, but the local businesses had special rates for the show choirs that were staying in the area. She had never realized just how big Nationals was going to be. It was difficult for a small town Ohio kid to understand just how many people would be there. They all ordered their dinner, and after that fiasco was done, the topic of Vocal Adrenaline naturally came up.

“They’re going to be the biggest competitor,” Rachel said softly, “but not our only one. I’ve been talking to Jesse and…”

Every head at the table turned to her and she turned a dark shade of red. “What?” she asked. “He knows what made Vocal Adrenaline win Nationals for the last four years in a row and I was able to get some pretty good advice out of him. I know what he did to me and trust me, I’m not about to make that mistake again. Anyway, as I was saying, Vocal Adrenaline are going to be a huge powerhouse but Sunshine is pretty new to large scale competition and from what my spying has told me…prone to nerves before large audiences.”

“She also has a powerhouse of a voice,” Puck said, shaking his head in silent disapproval at Rachel’s actions earlier in the year.

“Anyway,” Rachel said, casting him a dark look. “She’s very prone to nerves and doesn’t have the same stage presence that Jesse does.”

“Yeah that’s why she blew us all away last time we heard her sing,” Santana quipped, but it was more subdued than her usual verbal blows.

Rachel rolled her eyes at the lack of enthusiasm from the rest of the club. “Anyway,” she said again, this time a little bit more harshly, “Jesse and I were talking about the choirs that want a piece of Vocal Adrenaline. They were crushed by them last year. Vocal Adrenaline were a little show choir from Ohio coming in to compete with the big ones from big cities like Los Angeles, New York, Chicago…these choirs are the big time.”

“Rachel is definitely right,” Mr. Schuester said from the end of the table. It was kind of awkward that they were forced to have their advisor with them, but it was the only way to get the discount and Mika was sure they’d make all efforts to ditch him like the typical teenagers they were, as soon as they got a little freedom. “National level show choir is incredibly intense and I don’t want you guys to go in their expecting an immediate and easy win.”

“It is a huge challenge,” Tina said, “but even if we don’t win, guys, we’ll place. We have the heart and skill.”

“She’s right,” Mika said softly, defensive of her sister. Mika couldn’t help think about what the rest of the glee club was chattering about. This was the big time and Nationals was an important competition. Aural Intensity had been ruthless at Regionals because they were being coached by Sue Sylvester but these show choirs were ruthless because that was their way. She knew that she was an easy jab for a show choir to take and that made her nervous.

It was Puck, surprisingly, who picked up on Mika’s expression. “Nobody’s going to mess with us outside of competition,” he said, and Mika blinked, feeling almost as though her friend had been reading her thoughts. “They’re ruthless sharks but we’re going to stick together and show them what we’re all about.”

Sam nodded in enthusiastic agreement, catching the intentions of Puck’s words pretty fast. “We’re a family,” he said seriously. “We’re in this together and they’re going to realize that they can’t try to take us down without taking the whole unit down. They may make cheap shots or whatever, but we’ll be fine.”

She nodded slowly. Sam was right. Mika was slowly starting to realize that New Directions seemed more like a family than it ever had before. It was almost certain that there was still some negative thought about her, but it was mostly hidden or covered up by something else. They stuck together and it would be alright.

The sightseeing was amazing. Mika had never seen anything quite like New York. Of course, she had read about all of the typical New York City sights: Central Park, The Empire State Building, The Statue of Liberty. Those were all things that you read about and knew about but to actually look at them was surreal.

It was fantastic.

They got back to their hotel that evening to find, who else, some members of Vocal Adrenaline. Mika knew very well that the other show choir was not booked at the same hotel, but had obviously come to scout out and probably scare their Ohio competitor, the ones they had fought against before.

“We’re not looking for trouble,” Sam told the group of girls. “Seriously, save it for the competition.”

Finn, on the other hand, was a little bit more forward and aggressive. “Don’t you remember Sam?” he snapped. “These are the kind of people who find throwing eggs at you a proper way to psyche out the competition.”

One girl, a dark brunette, rolled her eyes. “Aren’t you Finn Hudson?” she asked. “Yeah, we know who slashed our tires last year. Great retaliation for a toilet papering. You should be proud of that one.”

“Rachel loved Jesse,” he said, stepping forward. “He betrayed her for a choir competition.”

“Rachel send our lead vocalist to a crackhouse because she was scared,” the girl said, her voice dark. She shot a look to one of the other Vocal Adrenaline girls and rolled her eyes. “I have to thank you for that one, Rachel; Sunshine is one of many reasons we’re going to destroy you guys.”

Mika groaned. The show choir tension had begun.


	33. Nationals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pulls some aspects from 2x22. Spoiler warning.

"I'm nervous," Mika whispered to Sam. It was completely reminiscent of how she felt and behaved before Regionals but this time she was a million times more terrified. This was Nationals; this was the big time and it meant so much to them. There were so many other show choirs performing and they were all much more skilled and prepared than the ragtag group that was New Directions.

"I am too," Sam said seriously.

Mika tried to be comforting this time though, because her boyfriend looked truly nervous. She wrapped her arms around him and held tightly. He held her too and they took comfort in each other. She was the luckiest girl in the world. "I need to go practice my dance," she said. "I'll see you in our seats in twenty."

He nodded and let her go. She took a deep breath and went into one of the back rooms to get some work done. She had really put a lot of herself into dance, but still she was scared to put her talents out in front of all of these people. She practiced the choreography for their second number by herself, going over it in her head and breaking into the solo dancing. She knew that she was better than ever. As a girl, she could dance a million times better than she could as a boy, she reaffirmed to herself. Being who she was meant to be had been a miracle for her dance persona.

When Mika returned to Sam’s side just before the competition began, she barely got out a word before New Directions saw what they were up against. Mika was blown away and spent the time in stunned silence. There were great show choirs in the US. She couldn’t help thinking that they were bigger, better and more prepared than New Directions. Even Rachel started to look nervous seeing what they were up against. “We can take teams like this,” Rachel mumbled as a small Indiana choir left the stage. Mika wasn’t sure that was right but they had earned their spot there so they would do their very best.

The room went dead silent when Vocal Adrenaline came on. Not only were they their biggest competition, personally, they were four time Nationals champions. They were the choir that everyone was looking to beat. Mika was stunned by their skill, their form and their choreography. She was the best dancer in her group, hands down, but some of the things Vocal Adrenaline could do were fantastic, superb, beyond anything she could do. Sunshine lead the group in beautiful vocals, of course, but Vocal Adrenaline was all about show and sparkle. The lights flashed, the vocals soared and the dancing was spot on. Mika wasn’t sure that they could beat them but she also wasn’t sure that it really mattered.

When their time to perform came, Mika watched as Finn and Rachel opened with an epic duet. She knew that some of the glee club had their reservations about Finn and Rachel being on top of everything but they connected in a beautiful way. They were sort of meant to be. Their second number was electrifying and Mika just felt the movement through the entire thing.

She caught Sam’s eye halfway through the performance and then crossed paths with him. He was as excited as she was.

They finished with a bang and were pretty well received. “That was fantastic,” Mika said, hugging Tina close to her and laughing softly. “Oh my god that was fantastic.”

“It really was,” she heard Finn say from the other side. He was obviously pumped up on the adrenaline of the performance. Mika was glad that she and Finn had started to mend some of their broken bonds, because Finn was generally a good guy despite the number of things he had done wrong in the past couple weeks. “Mika, your dancing was…spot on, as always,” he said. “We can’t lose this.”

“Yeah, sure,” said some passing Vocal Adrenaline member as they clamored to get backstage. Mika was sure she heard someone muttering about “trannies” but honestly, she couldn’t give a care, so high on the excitement of the performance.

She definitely heard what she heard because Puck gave her a look that said in no words at all: Should I beat someone up? She shook her head and then walked along to go outside, to wait for the results to be posted.

They didn’t even place. It was kind of depressing and Mika could see by the fallen looks around her that the group was hit with the heavy blow of not even placing while Vocal Adrenaline had triumphed. She shook her head, determined not to let it get to her. “C’mon you guys,” she said, breaking the silence. “We’re in New York for another couple of days; we performed at Nationals and ranked number twelve in the country. That’s insane and we should be more than proud of it.”

She walked over to Sam and took his arm. “I, for one, am going to celebrate.”

“That was awesome,” Sam said, spinning her around, his excitement evident. Sure, New Directions didn’t exactly win at Nationals but they had done a good job and everyone had performed at their best. They had next year and they were going to won it. “You did so good baby. You’re the best dancer in the world.”

“You’re biased,” Mika teased him, but she was just as happy as he was. She clung to Sam while the rest of the team congratulated each other. Tina came up to her and she gave her sister a long, lingering hug. “That was the coolest thing ever, right?” she asked Tina.

“Definitely,” Tina said. “That just shows them all that we’re going to dominate next year. I, for one, am really looking forward to Senior year now.”

“Me too.”

“So what are we going to do with our last couple days in New York ladies?”

“Rachel’s taking us to see a play,” Tina said brightly. “Then we’re going to meet up with the club members who don’t want to and we’re going shopping, of course.”

“Let’s make the most of it.”


	34. Not all wishes

The last day before they left New York was fantastic, in Mika’s opinion. Rachel took Mika, Brittany, Tina and Sam to see a wonderful play and then the entire group went shopping. Though Mari had given Mika and Tina some money, she didn’t spend much, thinking of the financial burdens her family was going through. Sam’s family was going through some hard times as well, so he only bought small souvenirs for his younger siblings, but the shopping trip was so exciting and culminated in a romantic date that Mika wouldn’t soon forget.

The plane ride home was amusing, to say the least. Everyone was saddened to leave New York but at the same time exhausted. Finn was still scared of planes, just like he was on the way up, but this time he had Rachel blabbering his ear off about the play that they saw. Mika sat on Rachel’s other side, listening amused.

“I just don’t understand actresses that mute their emotions in any way,” she declared loudly, to Finn, who was half-listening. “I swear that every actress needs to express herself fully to connect with an audience.”

“I don’t think you could ever mute your emotions,” Mika teased Rachel.

“That is because I am Broadway bound Miss Chang,” she said brightly, grinning. She continued to talk to Finn, so Mika turned her attention to her boyfriend and Tina, who were talking enthusiastically about things other than the Broadway stage.

“You know, we only have a couple weeks left of junior year,” Sam told Tina, shaking his head from side to side. “It seems like yesterday that my dad up and moved us here. I was scared to death. Then, Finn creeped on me in the shower and everything was history.”

Tina nodded. “Only in our glee club could a shower creeper be the initiation process,” she said, smiling. “We’re lucky to have you Sam.”

“I’ll say that again,” Mika said, smiling to herself. Sam reached over and held her hand. She took it and smiled at Tina over her boyfriend. “It’s really sad that the year is over though. Last summer, there was working as a camp counselor and all, so I’m not sure what I’ll do this year.”

“Yeah, I’m not doing it again this year,” Tina said, shaking her head from side to side. “There are way too many strange memories attached to that place. You’ll probably get your job at the dance studio Mika, that’ll probably take up a lot of your time.”

“I’ll be taking up a lot of her time too,” Sam promised Tina, brightly.

“Not too much of her time, or I’ll have to go overprotective big sister on you,” Tina warned. Mika gave her a look and she shrugged. “What? I’m officially two months older than you therefore the big sister thing is true.”

“Oh, true,” Mika said. She had never really thought of that.

“Don’t worry, I’m a good boy,” Sam said quickly.

It wasn’t long before the announcement came on that the plane was landing. They put on their seatbelts, Mika yawning and leaning on Sam’s shoulder a little. As much as she had loved New York, she was excited to go home. She had a lot to sort out before the school year ended and she found out what path she was going on for the summer. It was going to be a long journey but she was eager to do it.

The plane landed with ease and before long they exited the plane. With some of the extra money glee had obtained from Sue and the Cheerios, Mr. Schuester had rented them a bus to take them back to the school to meet their parents. When they got out of the bus, Mari and Daniel were already there. Tina rushed ahead to meet them and Mika quickly followed, parting ways with Sam, who was already hugging two small blonde children.

“Mika!” Daniel said, letting go of Tina to give Mika a huge hug. “We missed you kids like crazy. I swear, we were both going insane. Mari was more insane than I was, of course.”

“Yeah sure,” the woman said, as she hugged Tina. “This man doesn’t know how to function without his kids.”

“Are you guys ready to go?” Daniel asked.

Mika looked over to where Sam was with his siblings. “Yep, I’ll talk to Sam in the morning,” she said. “He’s pretty occupied. Let’s go home.”

On the way home, Tina and Mika could not stop babbling. Tina laughed as she told their parents about their Nationals performance. “It was fantastic,” she said softly. “I don’t think that we’ve ever been that in sync as a group. I just…I’m disappointed that we didn’t place, but I know that we’re going to make it to the top next year.”

“She’s so right,” Mika said. “I don’t know what we were missing.”

“Eh, we’ll get it,” Tina said, squeezing her hand.

“How was the competition?” Daniel asked.

“Fierce,” Mika answered quickly. “Vocal Adrenaline obviously didn’t need Jesse to still be a powerhouse and well, honestly, we had never seen so many talented choirs.”

“Still twelve out of fifty isn’t bad for a little group from Ohio,” Tina commented.

“No it is not,” Mika said, grinning as her home came into view. Over the past few months, it had really become the only place that she felt one hundred percent safe. She was glad to go home. She got out of the car and waited for the rest of her family by the trunk, before getting out their bags. “Mom, Dad, did you guys hear from the job I auditioned for at the dance studio yet?”

Mari and Daniel exchanged a look. “Yeah,” Mari said quietly, shaking her head. “It’s a no, babe, I’m sorry. It’s just one job though.”

Mika was absolutely shocked. She knew that as a dancer she could expect a lot of rejection but she had been absolutely certain she had it. She was not even a cocky person but she thought that she had it. “I really, really thought I was the best there,” she admitted, afraid that was a little arrogant of her to say.

“It has to be discrimination,” Tina said quietly. “I mean, Mika is the best dancer in Lima and they liked her and knew her.”

“You don’t know that Tina,” Mari said gently.

“Still feels like it,” Tina said, hugging Mika from the side. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she said. “It’s just one job. I guess I’ll have to sort myself out for the summer in another way.”


	35. Wishes

“It kind of sucks,” was all Mika could say when her friends comforted her about not getting the job. She had always hated summers as a child because they usually resulted in her having nothing to do and becoming depressed because of the sheer amount of boredom she endured. The previous summer had been enjoyable, because of the relationship with Tina and how good it made her feel, but all the same, this was her first summer as herself and she really wanted to enjoy it.

“I definitely think there was some kind of discrimination involved,” Tina huffed. Mika gave her sister a small smile. She liked that Tina was so protective of her because, well, sometimes she needed it. They would never be able to prove she hadn’t gotten the job because of discrimination but the small chance she had really hurt Tina. “I don’t like it at all. Mika is the most brilliant dancer in the whole city.”

“You mean the whole state,” Sam countered.

“True,” Tina said, nodding in agreement.

“You could sue!” Rachel declared. “I’m sure that my dads know someone at the ACLU who could-”

“Thanks but no thanks Rachel,” Mika said gently. “I don’t know for sure that I was discriminated against and it’s just one job. I’ll find something to do with myself this summer, I promise.”

“I’ll keep you occupied,” Sam teased.

“Ooh,” Brittany said, perking up at Sam’s words. “That sounds pretty awesome Mika.”

Mika turned and Sam took her hand. She yawned a little and looked around the lunch area. “This is awesome,” she said honestly. “This year is ending and now we’re going to be seniors. Who knows what will happen after next year is over?”

The group fell into a slightly solemn silence at that. It was scary, the prospect of leaving high school and going out and onto their lives, to do whatever they wanted and needed to do. Mika didn’t know where she’d be in a year, or in five years. Honestly, she didn’t know where she was going to be in the next month but at least she had the best group of friends beside her. That was comfort enough.

Moments after, their silence was broken by the blaring sound of the bell. Mika got up and Sam kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll see you after Chemistry,” he said brightly, gently. She nodded and then took off toward her next class.

“Mika!”

She turned around to see Mr. Schuester standing in front of her. “Hi,” she said awkwardly. She wasn’t sure exactly what he wanted.

“Can we talk in my office for a sec, Mika?” Mr. Schue asked. She nodded and followed him. She took a seat when she got there, across the desk from the Spanish teacher. She wondered what on earth Mr. Schuester wanted from her. He looked at her and smiled.

“Principal Figgins wants you to be the key speaker at this year’s graduation ceremony,” he explained. “He asked me to discuss it with you, because he figured that I was closer to you than he was.”

Mika immediately frowned at that. People usually assumed that Mr. Schuester was closer to all the glee kids than other staff members but Mika didn’t exactly feel that was the case. He liked Mr. Schue alright but he wasn’t really that big of a part of her life. Then, it hit her that he’d told her about Figgins’ request. Why would he request that?

“I’m not a senior,” she said quickly. “I’m a junior, Mr. Schue and not graduating until next year.”

“I know,” he said. “Figgins knows as well. It’s just that, the student body really sees you as an inspiration. You did something that I honestly don’t think I’d have the courage to do myself. I have to admit firsthand that I didn’t get it when you first came out and told us you were a girl, but now I see that you really are an inspiration. You could do a lot of good if you’d just give a little encouragement.”

“I don’t know Mr. Schue,” Mike mumbled, looking down. “I think that this school probably has a lot of deserving seniors who want to give their class a message.”

“The valedictorian is already speaking,” he told her gently. “Principal Figgins asked all of us teachers to give him the name of an inspiring student and when I propositioned to the staff to use you, they were all very supportive.” Mika could tell by the way his eyes flickered to the side that there had to be at least some opposition, but still the idea that the staff had been somewhat supportive even made her happy. “I think that it would be very good for this school, very good for this town. This isn’t a place with a lot of tolerance.”

"You can say that again," Mika said, rolling her eyes a little. Still, she had to admit that her community had been surprisingly kind to her. She was dealing with her situation and learning to become the woman she always wanted to be and that had all happened in less than a year. “I’m still not sure about this though, Mr. Schuester. Can I think about it for a little bit? I’ll get back to you tomorrow in Spanish.”

“Okay,” he said nodding. “That’s a good idea.”

He wrote her a pass to get back to class. While she walked back to class, Mika thought about it. She definitely had a long list of reasons to say no to the request: one being that she wasn’t even a senior! This was the class of 2011’s moment, not hers. It seemed stupid to jump into their moment just because she was transgendered. It also would open her up to a lot of harassment. It wasn’t that Mika cared about the harassment, of course, but at the same time she didn’t want to present herself up for extra harassment. There would also be protests, naturally, if some of the more conservative parents found out that a transgendered student was going to talk to their children about the courage she had.

She wasn’t even sure she was a legitimate choice. She hadn’t done anything special or courageous; she had merely done what she had to do. She had come out about her true identity, regardless of other’s feelings about that identity and had struggled to be recognized as she recognized herself. It was the same thing teenagers did every day, to just another extreme.

She asked Tina about it after school. She found Tina and Brittany sitting on one of the benches in the middle of the courtyard, holding hands. They were dating, still, but on a quiet front. Santana was still in love with Brittany, it seemed, and the tension between her and Tina was frightening to Brittany. She explained to the girls what was going on and they had mixed reactions.

“You’d be great for that!” Brittany declared. “I mean, you are the bravest person that we know and people should know that.”

“People could also really harass her for that, babe,” Tina brought up. “I mean, I don’t know if they would since Mr. Schuester and Coach Beiste have really cracked down on the bullying but still, I wouldn’t put it past the student body here. Do you want to do it, Mika?”

She shrugged. “I dunno, Tina,” she said and she wasn’t lying. She really, really didn’t know. “I think I’m gonna go home and write on it for a bit, think and stuff.”


	36. Choices to make.

Mika sat at her desk with an open notebook in front of her. She couldn't stop thinking about the offer she was given. There was a lot to think about in terms of speaking at the graduation ceremony. She idly made a list on the paper in front of her, separating the good things about speaking and the bad things. It was hard to do, because she really wanted to do it, she just had to put down in front of her the hows and whys of what she was doing.

There were many, many good things about speaking at graduation. The first thing to come to mind was that it would bring awareness to the issues transgendered teens dealt with every single day. Not many people knew or understood the things that she was going through because they didn't have to. People weren't usually naturally empathetic enough to just think of someone else's struggles and she could show them what a transgendered girl went through. She could open up their eyes so that if by chance they encountered a person like her in the future, they would react with tolerance and hopefully acceptance. She could also generally just give a good message to the overall close-minded town of Lima.

Not even thinking about others, Mika knew that speaking in front of a group would be good for her. She was very proud of her identity and she wanted to share it with others. She wanted to be bold and brave. As a boy, she had been overwhelmed by shyness that came from not having a solid identity and one that she felt was hers. As a girl, she could speak out and show everyone exactly who she was.

The negatives were, unfortunately, many as well. She was opening herself up to a lot of harassment by putting herself out there. She was even risking harassment from parents who wouldn’t want someone like her talking at their child’s graduation. She was risking a lot of backlash from the whole community at large. She had been harassed while being a part of a regular group function, after all, and this would be her putting the spotlight right on herself and all that she had been through. She was also a little bit worried that people would see her as putting an unneeded spotlight on her issues. She could already feel the vibe of, “go ahead, be a chick but don’t flaunt it in our faces,” and she wasn’t sure this would help. It might hurt that general attitude that she was flaunting her gender in people’s faces.

Mika realized quickly, after drawing a huge, frustrated, frowning face on her notebook paper, that she needed help. She picked up her cell phone and hit the speed dial for Jeslyn’s number. Jeslyn was a strong woman who had expressed a lot about her gender identity and helped people going through gender related crisis regularly. She would have something good to say about what Mika was trying to decide.

Jeslyn picked up after a few rings. “Mika?” she asked. “Hey, babe, it’s been awhile. How was New York?”

“It was awesome,” she said, the memories flooding at just the mention of the trip. “We didn’t place, unfortunately, but it was still one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life. I absolutely love the city. I seriously want to live there someday. We did so many awesome things.”

“That is so cool,” Jeslyn said dreamily. “I definitely want to take a trip into New York some time. I’ll have to keep pestering Aaron until we actually have the money to go do that. How’s Sam?”

“Doing great,” Mika said, smiling at even the mention of her boyfriend.

“Awesome!”

“Yeah,” Mika mumbled. She figured that it would be best to just get her question out of the way. “Jeslyn, can I ask you for some advice? I hate to bother you but I figured that you would have something to say about this.”

“Of course, what’s up?”

Mika explained the whole situation to her in detail, including the reasons why it was both a good and bad idea. She told her friend how nervous she was but how much she wanted to do it. She knew she was babbling but she wanted the other girl to know about all the thought she had given it. When she finally stopped talking, Mika was a little embarrassed about her outburst and waited patiently for Jeslyn to answer.

“That’s a difficult situation to be in, babe,” Jeslyn finally concluded after a moment of silence. “I know that there are a lot of risks and I don’t want to minimize the importance of knowing your risks or anything, but by that massive ramble you just gave me, it sounds like you already decided what you want to do.”

“It did?” Mika asked, laughing.

“Think about it for a second, Mika. What do you want to do, regardless of the risks and all of the other factors? What does Mika think is best?”

That was when she understood what Jeslyn meant. All of her anxious rationale couldn’t conceal the fact that she wanted to do it badly. She wanted to leave a little mark on her city and even if the time wasn’t opportune, she wanted to do it. “I want to do it,” she said softly, with a little bit of hesitance.

“Try that again.”

“I really want to do it,” she told Jeslyn softly.

The girl on the other end of the phone laughed, excited. “That’s it!” she said. “Mika, I really think you should do it. Definitely have friends and family there, in case things get out of hand, but really, you are a strong, amazing young woman and I could have never done half of the things you’re doing in high school. Go for it.”

She smiled. “Thanks so much Jes.”

They talked for awhile, about pretty random, trivial things. Jeslyn told her about her boyfriend Aaron and what he was doing and Mika filled her in on the little details from New York City. They were very into their conversation before Jeslyn had to go to a class. Mika hung up the phone with a smile on her face and almost a second later, a text from Sam beeped through.

Sam <3 : cn u go out 2nite?

Mika grinned at Sam’s silly text speech and wrote a quick reply.

You: I can ask Mom and Dad. Where?

Sam <3: You’ll see. Go ask.


	37. A short one

It was late but since the school year was almost over Mika got the permission she needed to go out with Sam for awhile. She met him down the street from her house, where he immediately tugged her into his arms. “Hi,” he said, looking her straight in the eye. She smiled and then leaned over and kissed him, before returning the greeting. She felt much more at peace with everything and of course, Sam being there made everything so perfect. She had never felt this bubbly in her life. It was kind of stupid.

“Where are we going?” Mika asked, as they walked down the street, holding hands. Sam didn’t have a car so it had to be somewhere that was pretty close.

“I just wanted to spend time with you,” he teased, the sweet boy that he always was. “I know we probably don’t have a ton of time because it’s getting late, but I’ve been swamped with end of the year schoolwork and well I just want time with you.”

“Hey, I can deal with that.”

They walked for awhile and Mika lit up when she realized where they were going. The first time she and Sam had gone on a date, they had talked for hours in the playplace of a silly fast food restaurant. "I totally fell in love that night," she said, following him into the gate. It was late and the restaurant wasn’t one of those fast food chains that were now open all night, so it was easy to sneak in without being noticed. Sam climbed up onto the slide and then reached a hand out to her.

"Feel rebellious being sneaky and stuff?" he asked. He smiled at her; Mika truly believed her boyfriend's smile could light up a room. She just felt so good. She leaned over, up against his side.

Sam kissed the top of Mika's head. "I seriously adore you," he said.

"The feeling is mutual," Mika said, watching the stars, pressed up close to Sam. She did hope that they avoided getting into trouble, just because that would ruin the moment. She pressed as close to Sam as she could and then looked over into his eyes. He had the deepest eyes and she felt like she could see so much in them. "I really love you Sam."

"I love you too."

It was so easy to say and it seemed like something out of a romantic movie. Mika had never imagined she would be propelled from years of self-doubt and identity issues to the blissful romance that she and Sam shared. She leaned over and pressed her lips to his in a delicate kiss. There had been a lot of insecurity in her when it came to Sam, but Sam quelled all of her fears by being the sweetest guy in the world.

“I know you probably have to go home soon,” Sam said, honestly. “I know I do too, I just, well, I just really wanted this moment between us.”

“It’s amazing Sam,” she admitted. “Just being with you and knowing that I’m going to spend the summer with the people I love well, all of that is enough for me. I’m extremely happy. I haven’t been as happy in my entire life as I am right now.”

“Good,” he said, nudging her side. “Did you make a decision about the graduation speech?”

She nodded.

“Yep,” she said brightly. “I decided that I’m going to do it. I had a lot of doubts about whether or not it was a good idea, but I ended up talking to Jeslyn, who told me that I already knew what I wanted to do and yeah, she was right. I want this.”

“That’s good. You know that we’re all gonna be looking after you, right Mika?”

She nodded. “Yep,” she mumbled. “I also know that I can take care of myself. It’ll all turn out.”

“It will,” he said, jumping off the playground equipment and then holding out a hand for her. “Come on.” She took his hand and jumped down right after him. She wanted to remind Sam that she was far more graceful than he would ever hope to be but sometimes it was nice to let her boyfriend be the gentleman that he was. They started down the path towards Mike’s home, sticking very close and definitely not hurrying along the way.

When they got to the house, she groaned a little, but reminded herself that there were only a few days of school left. In the blink of an eye, she would be able to spend her summer with Tina and Sam and everything was going to be awesome. “Well, we’re here,” she said, rolling her eyes a little.

“We are,” Sam said.

“Kiss me?” she asked.

He nodded. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Mika sighed happily as Sam kissed her. She kissed him back enthusiastically, wrapping an arm around him for just a moment and holding him tight. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school,” she said softly, when their lips parted. “I love you Sam.”

“Love you too babe. See you tomorrow morning.”


	38. The final chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy ...it's over. This is like the end of an era for me. Five months and nearly 60,000 words. Mika's story isn't over, of course. I'll revisit her eventually. <3 Love you all for supporting me and triple thanks to joyful.

"It is my honor to present to the class of 2011...Miss Mika Chang!"

Mika listened to the stunned silence that followed Mr. Schuster’s declaration. She didn't expect applause, exactly, but still the fact that very few even made noise made this even scarier. It was deathly quiet and she was terrified. She stepped up to the podium, glancing at the speech she wrote but knowing she wouldn't need it. This was all going to come straight from the heart and this was a story that she knew oh too well. "Hi," she said softly. "I know some of you but for those who don't know, my name is Mika Chang. I used to go by Mike."

She stilled herself and found that speaking about this was easier than she thought. “I’m transgendered,” she said clearly. “That means, of course, that though I was born biologically male, I have always been a girl. It wasn’t something that I easily accepted about myself but it was something that I always knew inside. I was afraid to come out about it, naturally and didn’t until this year. I received a lot of pain, a lot of adversity. My parents wouldn’t accept that the son they knew was their daughter, so they abandoned me. I was taken in by my best friend’s parents. They became my parents so fast. I cannot really express to you what they have done for me. They’re my parents.”

Mika took a deep breath and looked for Mari, Daniel and Tina. Though they were not the family of any seniors, Mr. Schuester had arranged for Mika that they have a seat. She found them sitting there, looking at her with pride. That gave her the courage to keep speaking. “It hasn’t been easy at all. I’ve been dealing with therapists, hormones and of course, the discrimination that comes when you’re not exactly like everyone else.”

Mika heard the heckling. She wasn’t going to pretend that she didn’t. A stern looking senior jock in the back yelled “freak” and the snickering in the front was within her earshot, especially considering the relative silence of the room around them. Some parents looked upset, outraged even and some woman was yelling at Figgins but in that moment, Mika couldn’t care any less. “I guess, my message to my fellow McKinley high students is to be yourself,” she said, her breathing getting a little bit heavier. “I’ve noticed that our school is completely based around social order and popularity hierarchies that seem like they were pulled out of someone’s ass.” She paused at that slip-up. “Sorry, Principal Figgins. I think that one of the things you need to learn is to not give a care what people think. Well, not exactly in general, but you’ve got to stop listening to people who tell you that you can’t.”

She smiled, breathing deeply. She heard another call of ’tranny freak' to which she grinned and pointed out the source. "You see that?" she said, with a bright smile. "People are still absolutely certain that I can't be a girl, because I was born male. It's ridiculous. I'm tired of being told that I can't. I'm also tired of being told I can't succeed because I'm not the same as the majority of people. I'm not the same and I'm damned proud of it. I'm proud to be who I am."

Mika took a breath, looked at her family and concluded her speech. "I know I'm not a member of the class of 2011," she said, "but I do have a valid message for you all. Be yourselves. There’s nothing like being who you are, regardless of who says otherwise. These years matter more than anything but really, what matters is those who will appreciate you for exactly who you are. I’m proud that I learned to be who I was inside and I hope that I’m not the only McKinley student who can learn the same.”

Mika knew that she had to conclude so she inhaled, wiped at her eyes and then added, “Good luck class of 2011 and with any luck I’ll be there next year.” She stepped off the stage, surprised to hear some cheering that wasn’t all coming from her family. She was definitely satisfied though, as she went and joined Tina while the rest of the festivities went down.

“Let’s go outside,” Tina told Mika, taking her by the hand and leading her out of the stadium. “This isn’t our graduation and you look like you’re about to pass out, no offense.”

“None taken,” Mika said, following her sister.

They got outside of the commotion and Tina pulled Mika into a tight hug. “You were amazing,” she said, throwing her arms around Mika’s neck and holding tightly. “I swear, Mom and Dad were both in tears. That was amazing and I know that every single thing you said came from the heart. You were so right to speak up Mika. I’m so proud of you. Everything that you’ve done is so perfect.”

“You know I couldn’t have done that without you,” she said softly. “A normal girl would have run away, you know that right? You walked in on your boyfriend freaking out, crying and holding one of your favorite dresses like a lifeline. You stayed even when the guy you were dating told you that he was a girl. You became my sister, Tina. I still can’t believe that you had the courage to do that. You stayed with me when you didn’t have to at all.”

Tina smiled brightly. She just lit up with Mika’s words. “It was hard at first,” she admitted softly. “I just didn’t know how to deal with it.”

“But you did,” Mika objected. “I mean it, Tina; you have no idea how thankful I am for you.”

“Well, that’s what sisters are there for,” she said softly. “I was really devastated at first, you know? Losing my boyfriend wasn’t exactly easy but in losing my boyfriend I gained my sister. I always wanted a sister who would end up being my best friend and look at that. We’re going to have an awesome summer and it’s going to go on to an awesome senior year.”

“Mika, Tina!”

Mika turned around to see Mari and Daniel walking out of the building. “We were looking for you two,” Daniel said. He immediately hugged Mika. “That was the most inspiring speech. I am so glad that we were able to hear it. You did a fantastic job.”

“Seriously,” Mari said, shaking her head a little. “I would have never had that kind of courage in high school. That was really cool.”

Mika nodded. “I’m glad I did it,” she said. Her heart was still racing at about a million miles per hour but she felt accomplished. She knew that once she sorted more out about her path and identity she would have to, like Jeslyn, learn a little more about being an activist. She needed to be able to support her identity. She let go of her dad and hugged her mom. “I couldn’t have done it without you three. I was just telling Tina. I never imagined that I would have a real family. I never imagined that anyone would support me like this.”

She sniffled a little, wiping at her eyes.

“We love you Mika,” Mari said seriously. “We’re so lucky that we were blessed with another daughter.”

They headed home shortly after. When Mari pulled up to the house, Sam was waiting outside of the house with a small bundle of flowers. He stood up and then waited for Mika to get out. He handed over the flowers, grinning. “Hey you,” he said sweetly. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get into the graduation. I bet your speech was fantastic. You filmed it for me, didn’t you Tina?”

Tina nodded. “Of course I did,” she said.

“Aw that is the cutest thing ever!” Mari gushed.

Mika blushed, hugging her boyfriend. “Thank you so much,” she said. “I’m really proud that I ended up doing that.”

Sam hugged her for a long time and then let go. “I’m so proud of you.”

Mika looked at her boyfriend and then over at her family. The year had been full of trials, difficulties, nervousness, anxiety, struggles and wonderful, wonderful things from her supportive family members. She had never been happier. She knew that she had a lot of struggles to get through in the next couple of years but all that was on her mind was the summer she would be sharing with her family and the boy she loved. “C’mon guys, let’s go inside.”

She hurried ahead of them, never feeling better.


End file.
